Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

Bill

"Bill, wakey wakey!" An overly cheerful voice erupted through my meaningless dream suddenly, jerking me awake almost instantly. I cracked my eyes open enough to see a mess of orange hair, along with a rather large smile.
"What time is it?" I croaked, my mouth dry from the sleep.
"Uhh, like 10:00 A.M.. You and Gabe are the only ones sleeping. I thought you might wanna get up and take a shower before the families get here." He stepped to the side to let me up, still grinning.

"Okay, what has you so ecstatic?" I inquired with a chuckle at how he seemed to have an extra hop in his steps.
I found a nice change of clothes and bundled them in my arms as we left the room, he turning to gaze toward me while we walked.
"Mr.Way is making an exception for Danny. He's letting him out of Isolation today because his family is coming." He practically squealed, his blue eyes lighting up even more, if possible.

I paused in front of the shower room door. "So, did you talk to him last night?"
He nodded. I raised my eyebrows, interested. "What happened? I mean, obviously it was good."
He hesitated before happily uttering "Um, well...I told him how I felt, then he asked if I thought anyone would be mad. He said Gabe might be. Then..." He flushed visibly and I couldn't help but think it was adorable how innocent he could be.
"He said I wonder if he'll be okay with me having a boyfriend.."

My hands automatically grasped his shoulders as I let out a loud whooping noise. Victory!
"That's so effing awesome!" I yelped, more animated now that he told me this tid-bit of news. He nodded sheepishly. I wasn't one to say 'I told you so', but I so told him so! I patted his arm in congratulation before pushing the door open.
"Well, I'm going to take a quick shower, and brush my teeth. I'm sure I need to pretty bad." He beamed and pointed to the door.
"I'll go wake up Gabe, or else he's probably going to sleep all day."

By the time I had my shirt and pajama pants off, the door was bursting open, a zombie-like Gabe shuffling inside and to his toothbrush. He acted like the only one in the room, but I still covered myself self-consciously with my towel. He didn't glance up until he looked like he was foaming at the mouth, like a dog with rabies.

"What?" He slurred through the accumulation of spit, watching me in the mirror with a blank expression.
"Do you mind hurrying? I'd like to get a shower." He spit before returning his dark eyes to me, confused.
"We're both guys here. Don't let me stop you." He continued brushing his teeth, which annoyed me greatly.
"Maybe I'm not comfortable being butt naked around other people?" He grinned deviously before jeering "What are you so embarrassed about? Small Wiener? Or is it the fact that your undies look more like girls panties?" I stole a peek at my underwear to object, but stopped.

"So, they're easier to wear with pants." I argued and glared at him as he rinsed his toothbrush and placed it back in it's wrack.
"Well, if you didn't wear pants that were skin tight, you wouldn't have to worry about that."

I threw my shirt at him with a growl. "Get out of here!" He laughed and took the shirt with him as he dodged out the door. "Dick head."

"Mommy!" We were all gathered in the living room when Brendon jumped up with a screech, running to the doorway. He practically tackled a small, skinny woman with long brunette hair. When I finally glimpsed her face, I realized where he got his looks from. His father appeared seconds later. He was tall, with thinning hair and a large stomach. He seemed nice enough. After watching the small reunion for a few more moments, I turned back around to face the way I previously was.
From the corner of my eye, I watched as Travis and Danny whispered amongst themselves, it obvious that Travis was extremely thrilled. I couldn't describe how happy I was to see the two moving forward.

"Guys that haven't met my parents yet, this is my beautiful mother, and my father." Brendon announced to us all. He motioned for us to come over to them to be introduced properly. All of the new ones, anyways.
Travis, Danny, and I all stood and walked over to him.

After Ryan's mother arrived, Frankie's parents showed up. Then, Danny's, then Bob's. We were all sitting around the television watching a show on Animal Planet about training dogs.
The volume was low enough that I could distinctly hear a familiar, high-pitched voice from down the hall.
"Uggh, Poor Bubba. This place is like hell! I mean, it's so dull and small and-and," Another voice cut it off.
"Courtney, shush! Mind your manners."

I jumped up and almost sprinted to meet them at the door. The sight of my sister overjoyed me. "Court-Court!" I shouted as we met, wrapping our arms around each other as tight as we could manage.
"Billvy, I've missed you so bad!" She cried as I held her at arms length. Her hair had grown past her shoulders now, but she still looked the same, minus the glasses she usually wore.
"I missed you too!" I hugged her again.
Mom tapped my shoulder then, taking my attention. "Mom!" I hugged her also, then Dad.
"We thought you might like this.." Dad stepped aside so that I could see down the hallway. My two best friends from back in Chicago, Mike Carden and Adam Siska, were standing back awkwardly.

"Oh my God! You brought them?!" I was now too happy to form words. I literally tackled them and pulled them into a bear-hug.
"How've you been?" Mike scratched at his long, messy black hair.
"Are you serious?" I gaped at him, crossing my arms. "I was thrown in this place against my will and forced to face everything I've tried not to think about for the past few years, but other than that I'm peachy."
It began to grow silent, but I didn't want that. I didn't give it the chance.
"Sisky, you cut your hair!" I touched his curly hair excitedly. The last time I saw him, he had a full out 'fro, but now it was cut short, with a curled fringe to the side. It looked a lot more fitting for him.
"Anyways, come in here. I have to introduce you to my block."
I waved for them to follow me into the living room.

"Okay, everyone, this is my mom and dad," I pointed to them. "This is my little sister Courtney." I placed a hand on her shoulder.
"And this is Sisky and Mike. They were like, my best friends back home." After the block shook hands and introduced themselves to the family and my friends, I pulled at Travs arm.

"This is Travis." I informed Sisky and Mike. "He's so awesome." Travis smiled shyly. I would have introduced them to Ryan, but he was conversing with his family.

Gabe made his way to my other side, shaking hands with the two. He grinned at my mom. "Well, damn William. I didn't imagine your mom would be so hot." He snorted, getting a shocked face from her.
I didn't tell him, but she wasn't accustomed to cussing...She was kind of a spazz.
"Gabe, watch the language. She'll drag you to the bathroom and shove soap in your mouth."
I wasn't lying either. She washed my mouth out with soap when I was eleven because I dropped a book on my foot and dropped the "shit" word.

He shrugged. Okay.
"Oh, my parents are here!" Travis clapped enthusiastically before jogging over to them.

The room was so crowded, it was a relief when Mr.Way called our attention to him and said to follow him to the visitor center.

It was lunchtime by now, so when we reached the visitor center, Mr.Way had managed to get the cafeteria workers to allow food for our visitors and us.

He had our parents at a large table with him, probably discussing things about how we've been doing with them.
The rest of us, including Sisky,Mike, and Courtney were at another large table, talking about anything and everything.
I hadn't felt this blissful in so long, I actually couldn't even recall the last time I'd felt this way.
"give me your Apple." Gabe tried to snatch the fruit from Danny's tray, failing. "No. Eat yours." Danny retorted as he took a large bite from it.
"Asshole!" Gabe pouted like a baby. Danny waved the Apple in his face. "You're just jealous I have a bigger dick than you." He snickered.

"No you don't!" Gabe's mouth formed a perfect 'O'. "Yes I do." Danny insisted and Gabe was about to draw the argument out but Sisky stepped in.
"Does this happen a lot?" I shrugged. "Depends. Are you talking about the argueing or comparing parts of their bodies? Because both are pretty common." I peered over at Courtney.
She seemed a little disgusted by it, but was obviously just happy to be here.
"I missed you!" I nuzzled my face against her arm affectionately. Sure, we would fight every few weeks at home, but now that it was a privilege to see her, I really hated being away from her.
"Aww, I missed you too." She sipped at her tea casually.
"You two look like, so much alike!" Brendon chortled, Frankie agreeing.

I glanced up, my eyes meeting Gabe's dark ones. Secretly, I felt bad for him. Everyone here had someone willing to come visit them, except him. I think he read my mind, because he grew bitter, averting his gaze to the slices of peach that he was stabbing at.
I sighed before finishing my Cheese Crispito and smiling at Travis, who was sitting a little closer to Danny than usual. Gabe hadn't seemed to notice anything between them, which left me wondering if he was blind.

After being in the visitor center for almost an hour, Mr.Way dismissed us to go outside like we always did after lunch. Courtney seemed to like the outside of the blocks a lot better than inside. She was happily seated on the bench.
"Hey, where's the bathroom. I'm about to piss my pants." Sisky prodded my shoulder.
"Go down the hallway and to the left. It's the next to the last door on the left." He disappeared then, leaving Courtney, Gabe, and I.
I noticed Mike wasn't standing by me anymore. I scoured the area to spot him talking to a boy about his height or taller, with messy blond hair.
Nice to see he's having fun talking to whoever. Before I could be bitter about the thought, I turned to find Gabe whispering something to Courtney.

"Gabe, what are you putting into my sister's head?" I felt my hands going to my hips as he grinned.
"Oh, nothing Guillermo."
I let my mind wonder to other things. I could only imagine what Mr.Way was telling Mom and Dad. I prayed he didn't tell them about the rape. That would kill me.
"Hey," Ryan just seemed to pop up beside me suddenly. "This is nice, huh?" He mused aloud, a smile gracing his lips.
"We get to do this every once in a while. It's a nice break from the normal, drab routine, you know."

If my parents brought my sister and my friends whenever they came here, I might be able to suffer this place. "Do your parents know about you and Brendon?" I questioned out of the blue, the thought only just striking me.

"Oh yeah. We told our parents as soon as we got together." He responded with a giggle.
"How long have you two been together,exactly?" I wondered. I'd never really heard them mention it.
"About a year now." He hummed in his usual small voice.
"Wow. A year?" I had never even been in a relationship, so this was impressive to me. "Yeah, it's been longer than it feels."
Speaking of his partner, it was that time that Brendon came skipping toward us, that large grin plastered to his face.

"Hey." He greeted when he had joined us. He smiled over at Courtney, murmuring "Your sister looks just like you William." I took a peek over at her also, she really did. It gave me a sense of pride.
The parents came out, along with Mr.Way then, they all flocking to their children. When Mom was at my side, she seemed especially clingy. Yeah, Mr.Way must have told her something.
"You know we love you, right?" She pressed her lips to my cheek as she pulled me into a long hug.It was a bit unnerving.
"Um, I'll be right back. I have to go ask Mr.Way something." I wriggled from her arms and crossed the 'yard' to where he was carrying out a conversation with Gabe. I didn't care to pull him aside, Gabe already knew anyways.

"Mr.Way.." He paused to see what I needed. "Um, did you tell my parents about...About what happened to me?" It took him a moment to get what I was talking about before he shook his head no.
"Things like that aren't my place. That's for you to tell them when you feel ready. I only told them that what lead you to attempting suicide traumatized you and that I'm going to really have to work with you."
That was a good enough answer for me, so I gave a relieved "Thank you," before turning to leave the two.
"Gabe, wanna come with me?" He shrugged and sauntered along with me.

"You have a hot mom." He snickered as we approached my parents. I slapped his arm. "Okay, when you start talking about my mom is where I draw the line." He adjusted his hat under his jacket hood as he retorted "Well, it's better than saying you have a hot dad, isn't it?"
I knew he was only joking, but I couldn't help but to stare at him in disgust.
"Tranquilízate, cariño. I was joking."

I stole a peek toward the block doors. Sisky still wasn't back, so maybe he fell in the toilets.
I paused a few feet before we reached my parents, who were talking to Danny.
"Gabe..." I began, but he cut me off by snapping "Don't worry about me. This is your day to visit with your family. I'm used to it, okay?" I tried to consider this, but it was impossible.