Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

I felt a cry draining from my lungs as I awoke, not ready to let go of the sleep I was buried in. I pulled my groggy, sluggish body up to rub the sleep from my eyes, straining to glance around the pitch black room.
Loud snores echoed from Gabe's side of the bed, louder than usual. I couldn't help but wonder how I was able to sleep through all that noise in the first place, but for the record, it was a bit louder than usual.
I pushed my numerous covers against the wall to swing my legs over the edge of the bed, wincing as the bottoms of my feet touched the ice cold floor.
The room was freezing, and I instantly wanted to crawl back under the covers, but my bladder was to the point of exploding if I didn't hurry up and pee, so I hurried to the bathrooms.
I stumbled through the equally dark hallways, tripping over a pair of shoes, probably Brendon's, as he was terrible about leaving his belongings strewn across the block.

By the time I returned to the room, I was more alert, eyes adjusted enough that I could see see the silhouette's of the objects in the room. I dug my jacket out from my dresser and pulled it on, grumbling to myself about how ridiculous it was that I was having to sleep in a jacket just to retain a bit of warmth. I was about to return to my warm bed when a glance toward the window struck a thought in my brain.
The clouds had been particularly menacing earlier, which meant rain, but I hadn't been awoken by the sound of large raindrops pounding on the roof, and I couldn't see any accumulation of moisture clinging to the glass
I stepped closer to the window, moving my face close to it so that I could squint my eyes to see outside.
A gasp, of both shock and joy left my lips then, at the sight. Though it was dark, the small outdoor light across the block area lit up enough for me to see the pure, incandescent layer of ivory that blanketed everything in sight.
I instantly turned, hopping onto Gabe's bed, on him.

He shot up to a sitting position as soon as my weight was impacting him, me able to catch a wild glimmer in his eyes.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" He yelped incriminatingly, letting himself ease back onto his elbow to rub at his face in an attempt to wake himself even more.
"Gabe! It snowed!" I exclaimed, much like a small child, wagging a finger toward the window. An expression creased his face, one that told me I was retarded for being so excited about something so stupid.
"Uh..Dur Dumb-face." He finally responded after giving me that 'you're such a loser' stare for several long seconds.
"Now if you don't mind, I have some sleeping to do." He added while trying to roll me off of him, but I held on, keeping his reluctant attention.

"Can we go play in it?" I questioned, and that look returned to his face. "You're fuckin' serious?" He laughed incredulously, the motion moving both of us from the angle I was draped over him.
"Yes I'm serious. I wanna play in the snow!" I whined, even further mimicking a small kid.
"Please Gabe? Pleeaaaseeee?" I begged, curling my bony fingers around his shoulders and forcing him to stare back into, what I hoped, was some decent puppy dog eyes.
"Noo!" He whined back, trying to roll over again, but I was determined to convince him, so I continued to cling to him.
"Gabe, come on! I wanna play in the snow!" I pressed, but it wasn't working. He finally managed to roll onto his side, swatting at my hand lightly.
"NO. I'm tired, it's like, probably three in the morning, and It's freezing. Go back to sleep or I'm going to hold you down and fart in your face."
I decided that, though I was really counting on going outside, Gabe was one stubborn assface, and he wasn't about to sway.

I gave up, crawling off of him and sulking the three steps from his bed to mine, plopping down on it, defeated.
A loud, pathetic sigh was forced from my throat, and I balled my hand into a fist, jamming it under my chin to support my drooping head.
I listened to the crinkle of his covers as he rolled onto his left side, to watch me, so I decided to draw it out further. I sighed again, sounding even more depressed this time, and let my hair slip from behind my ears and down over my face.
I could feel his eyes boring into me, and I knew it was a matter of seconds before he spoke.

"Why do you have your panties in such a bunch to go play in the snow. It's not like it isn't going to be there in the morning?"
He inquired, shifting to watch me better. I held out on my answer, letting a few moments settle between his voice and mine, to play up the act even more.
"Because. When it snowed at home, Courtney and I would always go out and play in it, even if it was the middle of the night. We always wanted to be the first ones to play in it. It was sort of a tradition for us, and it feels wrong not to, ya know?"
So, I wasn't lying about that much, because my sister and I would always do that, but I honestly wanted to go play in the damn snow.

"What makes you think we'll be able to get out there? Mr.Way locks the doors every night when he leaves." He continued, causing me to feel a bit uncomfortable when I noticed his eyes still on me.
I began to rub the bandages on my arms as a reflex.
"W-well....You're Superman, remember? You can do anything." I answered in a low voice, not realizing how stupid that line sounded until it was out in the air.
An odd sound emanated from him then though, that sounded like a sigh and a laugh at the same time. He slowly moved from under his blankets, swinging his long legs from the bed to stand, stretching.
His tan skin was exposed as he was only wearing boxers, though it was freezing cold in here. He must not have been easily affected by the cold, I thought.
"You better be glad that I stole the key to the back door from Mr.Way a couple of months ago." He growled, before motioning for me to stand.
I jumped to my feet instead, too ecstatic to contain myself. "I don't suppose you have any thick coats?" He shot his eyes at me for a moment before kneeling down on the floor, pulling an air-tight bag from beneath the mattress.
I watched him open it, dumping a pile of winter clothes on his bed. "Here." He tossed a grey sweater at me, followed by a black jacket.

"Put those on." He demanded, and I did as quickly as possible, getting my arm caught in the tangled sleeves for a moment.
I pulled the jacket on and zipped it up before he motioned for me to step closer. I obeyed without question, and he picked up a thick, dark brown coat, one with the faux fur around the too-large hood.
He helped me into it and buttoned it up, catching onto the smirk on my face. "Shut-up. My step-mom sent it. Besides, it may be dorky, but it's not that stupid when it keeps you from catching damn pneumonia." He defended his case as he pulled a thick beanie onto my crown and over my ears.
It passed my eyes, so he took the time to roll it up onto my forehead, a keen flash of a smile ghosting across his face.
"You don't have your own thermal pants do you?" He queried, and I felt a little bad that I didn't.
"Um..No." He didn't act like the answer bothered him though, and he handed me two pairs. I ran my thumb over the coarse fabric, the small, square indentions in it feeling almost like sandpaper against my skin.

I didn't complain though, pulling one pair on, forcing my feet through the tiny leg holes. I felt strange, as he was watching intently.
"What?" I shot at him, while I fought to shimmy the second pair over the first.
"You're tightly whitie's." He chortled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Leave my undies out of this." I retorted, finding my sweatpants and pulling them on atop the thermals.
"Fine." He set to work bundling up himself then, choosing a subtle, but thick black pea-coat, along with a grey beanie, and one pair of thermals, followed by pj pants.
I already had two pairs of socks on my, still freezing, feet, but his were bare, so he hurried to pull a pair on. "Gloves, and then we're good to go." He offered, finding a pair for me. "Here." He laughed, tossing me a pair of hot pink gloves. I stared at them with as much confusion as I could muster, eyebrow cocked.
"Um...Why do you own pink gloves?" I called him out on it, and for a moment, he looked a little shocked, but was quick to reciprocate "They're Frankie's. He left them in here last winter, so they ended up in this bag."
He found a black pair for himself before digging a key out from the bottom of his mattress, flashing it at me with a devious grin.

"Shh, we gotta sneak." He whispered, a finger to his lips to insinuate what he was saying. He eased the door open and tip-toed down the hall, which wasn't really that silent with his big, clumsy feet.
I followed close behind, achieving a less noisy escape than him. When we reached the door, we pulled our shoes on, which was a hassle with the gloves on.
He shoved the key into the lock and twisted it until the tumblers clicked, twisting the knob afterward. The door swung open and the cold slapped me like a brick wall.
I didn't bother to acknowledge the warm pit that stayed in my stomach though, when his long arm wrapped around my shoulders.
"We're coming back in as soon as you get cold though." He declared, much like a worried parent, and with that, I took the first step into the untainted snow.
As the beautiful white crunched under the soles of my shoes, a burst of joy tingled through my whole body, and a smile carved into my face.

A laugh came from by my side. "You really do like snow, don't you, querido?" He smiled fondly, hopping into the snow that passed our ankles. "I freaking love the snow." I commented, practically giggling at the joy I was receiving from the snow.
I paused to stare up toward the sky, which was nothing but a dark mass of clouds, and large flakes of unique crystalline designs still danced from above. I did what most people would do, holding my hands out, palms up. I watched intently as the flakes that landed on the gloves dissolved into the pink material. It was another one of those rare moments where all my troubles seemed to melt away, along with the rest of the world.

I watched from the corner of my eye as Gabe stooped down, grabbing a handful of snow and packing it into a ball.
He began to say something to me, but stopped when the sound of the door behind us creaked open. We turned to see Danny, bare foot and in shorts, watching us curiously.
Gabe threw the snowball at him, pegging him in the face. "Thanks, dick-face." Danny scoffed, sweeping the snow from his shirt and Running a hand through his hair.
"What are you losers doing out here? I thought this door stayed locked." His thick lips formed a small 'O', he whistling as he took in the area, and all the snow.
"We're playing in the snow! Duh! Wanna get dressed and come out here with us?" I inquired, gazing at the sky in pure amazement.
"Why not." Danny happily responded. I watched him disappear behind the door as it slowly and quietly shut, leaving Gabe and I alone again.

"Ehh. See what you did, Guillermo? You invite Danny to play with us, and he's gonna bring the whole damn block. I guarantee it."
Gabe hooted, feigning anger, though a smirk played on his mouth.
"Oh well. The more, the merrier." I replied, stooping down and grabbing a decent sized stick, beginning to carve letters in an undisturbed patch of snow. "What're you doing over there?" Gabe's curiosity grew then, and he began to idle his way to stand over me.
"No! You can't see yet!" I yelped, trying to cover what I had written so far. He actually did as I obeyed then, stepping back to give me my space as I finished.
I resumed, trying to write the words out as neatly as I could in the snow, then taking the time to draw the hectagonal shape around it. I stood, examined my work, then waved him over to check it out.
He stared at it for a few moments, his face blank, and I began to grow a little worried until a smile crept across his face. It was nice, not that fake, evil smile he usually sported, but almost..maybe genuine?
"Te Amo, Superman." He read the words aloud before flashing his dark eyes toward me.
"Gimme that stick." He took it from my hand and sloppily scrawled his own writing above what I'd written, seeming to take forever before he returned to an upright position to nod at the work approvingly.

Gabanti loves Guillermo...and his hips.
A laugh peeled it's way from my tongue, one that came from deep in my chest. It had been a long time since I'd felt such happiness accompanying laughter, and I couldn't say it didn't feel amazing.
"Don't tell me you're going soft on me." I snickered, poking him in the side with a pink clad finger. He pooched his lips out in that 'always-the-bad-boy' manner, scoffing "You wish. Just a little bro-mackin'."
Okay, so I didn't really know what the hell bro-macking meant, but I was sure it meant something along the lines of playing around...I hoped anyways.

"Seriously though." I brought my voice down an notch as I grew more sincere, earning a full reaction from him, which consisted of him turning to face me directly, staring down at me and waiting for me to go on.
"Thank you for this...It means more than you probably know." I grew a little flustered at the situation; it felt a bit too personal for some odd reason, but he only smiled. I liked to see him smile because it reassured me that he wasn't some terrible killer, but maybe just a little lost. Like I was.
"Don't you get soft on me either...Well, not that you aren't already pretty mushy." He teased, lightening the mood even more.
I stepped forward cautiously, flashing my eyes up to his face before wrapping my arms around his torso, crushing myself to him in a tight, grateful hug.
For a moment, his arms just kind of dangled at his sides, as if they didn't know what to do, but they slowly curled around my shoulders. I could slightly feel his fingers preening through the tips of my hair that frayed out from under the toboggan, and I couldn't lie by saying it wasn't comforting.
Believe it or not, Gabe had what I instantly decided to name 'therapy arms', because they sent a wave of calmness through my body, sending all the anxiety's into the shadows...Not that I meant this in a weird way, of course.

"See.You're mushy." He prodded a finger against my nose as he swiftly broke the hug, just in time for the whole gang to sneak out the door to join us. My eyes automatically shifted to the words written in the snow. He stepped away, his feet crashing down on the words, erasing them from the white canvas and, though he played it off like he was just stepping to the side to greet the others, I could tell by the look on his face that it was on purpose.
He didn't want the others to see the words we'd exchanged in the solitude that we'd shared. That calm feeling dissipated away, and my happiness dipped back down to just above average, a steep drop from what it was seconds ago.