Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

"Okay, gonna smile?"
The woman inquired from behind the camera lens.
Are you fucking serious?!
The sudden flash blinded me, and I'm sure I blinked, or at was at least half-lidded, looking like a drug addict.
It took almost a minute before I could see the blonde woman again, the after image of the light imprinted in my vision, creating yellow splotches in my peripheral.
A printer by her side buzzed to life then, she grabbing the small, 4x6 sheet it printed out.
"Here's you identification card, I just have to laminate it."
She explained as if she really cared about wasting my time.
I had learned that she was the main secretary in this cell block, Miss Rachael Dougan.
She wasn't exactly nice either.

Another five minutes and I was holding my card.
"Don't lose it because you won't get another."
She warned, shooing me out of her office.
I examined it as I began out the door and to my room.
My eyes were open at least, but I looked pissed.
"Whatever." I sighed, pocketing it.
My room was only two halls away, so it only took a couple minutes, even with my slow moping.
Upon entering, I was relieved to find it empty.
"Thank God."
I collapsed on my bed, exhausted already.
One day in this place and I was already going insane.
My eyes began to close, and I wasn't objecting, when the door flew open.
"Hey, come be social and join the rest of us in the liv."
I glanced up to Frankie standing at the door with that radiant grin that seemed to stay there.
"Do I have to?" I whined, forcing myself to sit up.
He gave a nod and retorted "You have to get used to us sometime or another."

"Okay everyone! Willy's here!"
Frankie announced to the whole room. I felt myself beginning to turn red faced when all eyes landed on me. I hated being noticed.
Frank shoved me into a chair close to him.
I stole a glimpse of Brendon, who was making fish faces at Ryan.
He's so weird...
I snapped my neck toward Bob when he bursted out laughing.
"Brendon, I think you're scaring the poor boy."
He guffawed, fixing his beanie hat on his messy blonde hair.
"That's what I'm here for!"
He snickered in response, turning to me with a larger than life grin.
"I swear I'm not that weird. Frankie's really the one you should be worried about."
He warned playfully, getting a nudge in the side by Ryan's bony elbow.
Now that he was in a shirt instead of a jacket, I could really see how tiny he was.
I was always considered very skinny, but I had nothing on this poor boy.
"Isn't that Ryro?"
Brendon topped a childlike voice off by practically smothering Ryan with multiple kisses, and I couldn't help but bug my eyes.
"Umm...Are they..."
I leaned into Frankie, trailing off when he began giggling crazily.
"Yeah. They're an item... I guess you would call it."
He grabbed at Bob's hand, adding "I hope you aren't homophobic."
I blinked a few times, a little shocked at the news I'd just been given.
Okay, so I'm not surrounded by evil assholes, but homosexual happy boys..
"N-no."
I honestly wasn't homophobic, it was just a little weird to hear on such short notice.
"What about..my roomate?"
I wondered then, unable to keep my thoughts from it.

As if on cue, Bob snickered
"Watch out. Next thing you know, Gabey will be all over you."
I was sure my face looked like a mixture between shock and repulsion.
"Yeah Bobby," A seventh voice pitched in then, Gabe standing in the arched doorway.
"There's just one problem with that theory. I'm not a queer."
He came in and sat across from me, by Ryan, staring hard at me.
I began feeling more self-conscious as I squirmed uneasily. Just knowing that he was watching me caused chill bumps to break out over my skin.

"So, where you from, Whitey?"
He queried with that tone that made it obvious that he didn't care, but rather was trying to intimidate me....and it was working.
"Umm.. Ch-Chicago."
I mentally slapped myself for stuttering again.
"Ahh, but I thought people from Illinois were supposed to be loud and obnoxious, not quiet emos."
That word struck below the belt, and I automatically bit down on my lip in an attempt to hold in tears that began pricking my eyes.
"Gabe, stop being such an asshole!" Ryan snapped, slamming his palm down on Gabe's leg.
"Oww! Fuck!" Gabe hissed, rubbing where he'd been hit.
"I'm just giving him the usual welcome."
"Well, lay off 'cause he's cool." Brendon added, giving me an apologetic half-smile.
"Whatever," He grumbled in response before leaving.
Everyone was quiet for a few moments before Frank commented
"Okay, so he really seems like an ass, but he's really just afraid he'll get close to you. He's had some pretty shitty relationship problems with family."

I shouldn't have felt sorry for the asshole, but I did. I couldn't imagine someone as tough looking as him being afraid of relationships.
"What do you mean?" I couldn't help myself.
"Well...Let's just say his mom disowns him for the shit he did."
I opened my mouth to say something, but a loud voice over the intercom stated that it was lunch time.
"Food!"
Brendon yelped, leading the group out the door and down the hall.

"I'm really not hungry."
I stressed as the line moved.
"Boy, you're about as skinny as Ryro. Eat."
Bob demanded, tossing an apple at me. I fumbled, but somehow managed to catch it.
Bren and Ry bustled off to a large table and sat, watching us and waiting.
"Yummy. They have soup today." Frank hummed, taking a bowl, and putting one on my tray.
We joined Ry and Bren at the table, I stealing a quick glance around.
There were so many people around, but one, who was walking our way, made me visibly cringe.
Saporta.

"Yo Chicos, and..." He shot an insulting look at me. "Chica."
I in turn gave my best "go to hell" glare, which I'm guessing only encouraged his rude comeback.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you not like being called a girl? I thought that's what all little emo boys wanted."
He gave a mock apologetic face.
"Desculpe!"
"Fuck off." I hissed through gritted teeth.
His eyebrows shot up and he made a stupid whooping sound.
"Oh, those are big boy words, niño!"
"Gabe! Lay off!"
Frank yelped angrily.
He held his hands up in front of him, as if to surrender.
"Ay! Mi rendirse!"
I snatched the apple from my tray and sank my teeth into it as pissily as possible.
A few minutes passed of Brendon talking about music, especially Fall Out Boy, which I was informed that was his favorite band.

One particular time I happened to peek over at Gabe, and saw the devious, shit eating grin plastered from ear to ear.
He had a plastic knife in his hands.
"AY! I'm So emo! I cut myself because I'm a big baby!"
He belted as loud as possible, pretending to rake the knife back and forth on his wrists.
He fell from the table and, when he jumped back up, he had ketchup on his wrists and on the knife.
"My names William! I tried to kill myself because I couldn't fit into my little sisters jeans!"

Everyone was watching by this point, and I know I must have looked absolutely, 100% horrified.
"Gabe!" Frank kicked him in the shin as hard as he could.
In that instant, I lost every bit of pity for this asshole that I had previously felt.
"What is your fucking problem?!"
I screeched, jumping to my feet.
I didn't know if the tears now escaping my eyes were from how mad I was, or how hurt I was, but I didn't care right now.
"What? Are you taking the fact that your mom disowns you out on me?"
The amused smirk on his face disappeared instantly, and I was immediately regretting what I said.
The look that crossed his face more than frightened me, and I was about ready for him to attack me.
When he didn't for several seconds, I shoved past him and hurried out of the lunchroom, wiping my eyes.
I couldn't believe I'd did that...Or cried over something so stupid.

"Wait..."
I stopped dead in my tracks.
I had to share a room with this maniac.
He was probably going to kill me in my sleep now.
"OH shit."