Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

Bill

"Billvy!" A loud screech lept through the frozen air to meet my ears as we walked through the gate. The group must have heard the vehicle coming into the parking lot, because they were standing outside in wait for us. When they saw us officially enter the facility territory, they hurried our way, probably trying to run though the snow slowed it to more of a jog.
"Billvy, we missed you so much!" Travis cried when he was within reach, all but collapsing into my chest whilst his arms constricted around my neck. The impact was enough to knock me off balance, and if it weren't for Gabe putting a hand on my back to steady me, we would have toppled to the ground.
"Are you okay?" He screeched, clammy hands latching onto my face and turning it in several different directions so he could get a good look at every angle, as if I may have any bruises from hospital abuse or something.
"I'm fine." I chuckled in response to his heightened distress before motioning for us to hurry into the block; I was freezing, especially outside in the snow and though the blocks wouldn't be much better, it would be a few degrees warmer than out here.
Mr.Way took up the tail of our crooked line we made back into the block with a few words to Gabe, who was directly in front of him.
Everyone looked a lot better than when I left; sure, you could tell that a few of them were still sick, but they didn't look as deathly as they had previously.

Upon stepping into the building, the strong scent of disinfecting spray met my nose, alerting me that the janitor had been here recently, which was a good thing, obviously. I kicked my shoes off at the door, as everyone else did, with the exception of Mr. Way of course, and was led to the living room. Most of the blankets that had been littering the floor before were gone now, so I assumed that they were all sleeping in their beds again. I let myself fall onto the couch with a sigh and instantaneously considered how grateful I was to be home. Well, this wasn't exactly home, but it was the closest thing I had to it anymore, so what the hell.
"Do you need anything?" Frankie questioned from his spot on one of the arms of the chair to my left, but I was fast to decline. The most important thing I could have at the moment was a little time to kick back and rest, which I figured I was getting just by sitting down.
"Well, here." He handed me a bottle of water he'd just plucked from the table, adding "We're keeping an eye on you this time and making sure you keep chugging water. Constantly."
Gabe sauntered into the room then and sat on the floor beside Danny, rearing back like he was going to punch him on the arm, but stopped when remembering he was sick. Instead, he patted his shoulder awkwardly, an expression flitting across his face that spoke "Uh...What's up...Buddy?"
I glimpsed Danny turning to give Gabe his best 'what the fuck' look before my attention was returned to Travis, who'd snuggled in to my right. His face was washed out more so than usual, skin still sickly, and the color of his eyes seemed to pop in comparison, but he was still blatantly happy to see me again. This was...Amazing. I glanced around at everyone, realization that they were happy to see me causing a lump in my throat. I had people who cared, and it felt blindingly amazing.
I brushed my hair from my face with a minuscule wince, the pain from being prodded with a needle still present in my skin.
"How many times did they have to stick you?" Ryan inquired from my other side, pointing a bony finger at the bandage around my hand to further focus his point.
"Five." Gabe growled in a deep warble, interrupting his conversation with Danny to answer the question for me; It was obvious that he was still pissed off about the incident, and I was sure that everyone else could see this as well, but I didn't want to ruin the happy reunion, so I forced myself to raise my voice to stammer
"B-But hey! You guys look like you're getting better. Are you f-feeling okay?" They acted as though they weren't sure if they should let the conversation go so easily for a moment, but Brendon finally cut in to yelp "I'm actually better! Ryan is too, except for the fatigue, you know?" I forced a smile past my weak expression to gesture my joy upon hearing this, before turning my gaze to Danny.

"You look better too."
"Yeah," He gave a half nod before explaining "I don't get sick too often, but when I do, I get over it pretty quick." Hearing this, Gabe proceeded to query "Does that mean I can punch you then?" An amused grin contorted Danny's features as a comeback, along with the words "You punch me, I fart in your damn face." I couldn't refrain from rolling my eyes. There they went with the fart jokes again. I thought they'd gotten over that, but I guessed I'd thought too soon.
"Oh, hey!" Frankie snapped his fingers to get my attention, which he earned, so that he could utter "Chizzy stopped by the block yesterday to talk to you. I told him that I would make sure you got the message, so...Yeah."
I took the words in, then leaned my back against the couch, allowing my head to rest on the cushion. Chizzy. I'd forgotten about him in the craziness of everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. Ouch, that sounded harsh. Was I a bad person because I'd forgotten about my...boyfriend?
I supposed that I was, but I shoved the thought away for the time being because it was causing a dull throb to strum between my temples.
A yawn ripped from Trav's chest beside me then, reminding me of the fatigue coursing through me as well. It would be smart to go lay down, but I didn't want to ruin this time with everyone; It was rare for everyone to be in the same spot at once, but even Bob had joined us this time, sitting in the chair Frank was leaning against. I hadn't seen much of him lately, as a matter of fact. It was like he'd suddenly became a recluse and stayed as far away from us as possible.
I wondered how long before this sickness would be completely gone from the block. Out of everyone who'd caught it, only Travis, Frankie, and I were the only ones still suffering from it, and Frank looked like the worst of it was gone away from him.
"Did Gabe take good care of you?" Travis queried in a whisper after several moments of almost silence, shallow breath only just leaving his lips before his frenzied airways pulled it back in. I was exceedingly grateful that I wasn't short of breath anymore, like so; it was perhaps one of the worst aspects of this ailment in my eyes, but I'd rather me be suffering from it than Trav.
"Yeah, actually. It was strange." I responded back, keeping my voice in just as secretive a tone as his was. I watched an exhausted smile trek onto his face upon hearing this though, before he snuggled closer so that his mouth was nearer to my ear. I noticed several questioning looks pinning onto us, but I craned my head to the side a bit, so that my hair folded over my face like a veil, unable to read my expression.

"Danny took good care of me too. Even though he was sick like me." He murmured back, the traces of a smile shaping his words, though there wasn't one evident on his face. Hearing this did cause a noticeable turn of my lips though, because the thought made me absolutely ecstatic. A momentary tuft of memory spiraled through my head within the fraction of a second, when I'd first discovered that Trav liked the older boy. I recalled him telling me that Danny would never in a million years like him, yet here he was at the very moment telling me about how the boy watched over him so well.
My mind began to wonder off from here, but he stopped the action from moving too far by continuing to mutter "I really care about him, Billvy, and this whole ordeal made me realize something."
I was obviously curious as to know what this apparently made him realize, so I hurried to press more out of him with a quick glance.
"I think it's almost time." He mumbled then, the words spoken so simply that I knew he expected me to understand them, though I didn't.
"Almost time for what?" I shot back, but a very particular expression clouded over his face, one that alerted me exactly what he was insinuating. Woah. Woah! What? Was he telling me that he was considering having sex with Danny? What happened to his strict 'take it slow' plan he'd formulated from the beginning of the relationship? This was a definite shocker for my temporarily sluggish mind to understand, the thought moving through my optical nerve like it were slathered in tar before it finally sunk in.
"What? What brought this on?"
He shrugged his shoulders minutely, ignoring the intensifying eyes on us to explain "It's been really hard to take it slow with him. I mean, I know I don't want to rush into things with him, but I've been waiting for when it just...Feels like the right time, and I feel it's getting really close." I nodded to myself and let the words simmer in my neurons for the time being, trying to figure out what to say back to the information my brain now harbored. Would it be better for me to just stand by and let them do what they wanted, or should I try and give a bit of advice? Even more importantly, was it really almost time for such a big step, or would it make things difficult for them? I didn't want to sound like a control freak, that be the case; I just really didn't want to see such a beautiful unity of people mess up over something as touch-and-go as sex.
"Are you sure you could handle it, Travis? In all honesty?" I finally found my voice so that I could question this, hoping not to offend him by saying these syllables strung together like so, but his face shown a bit of an excited glimmer in it as opposed to what I expected.

"To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I think I want it to happen already."
Hearing this was almost a shocker, to be blunt about it like so seeming out of Trav's usual, but it showed me that he was serious about what he was telling me. I decided that if he wanted it to happen, then maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea; To be realistic about it, it might even be better for their relationship, especially if Trav was willing to be so exposed for someone; I'd learned quickly since he'd came to this block that he was like me. He was shy, and went out of his way to maintain his privacy so that no one saw parts of him that he felt uncomfortable about them seeing, so for him to be willing to lose that was possibly monumental.
"Well....If you think you're ready, then go for it, I guess." I encouraged with a strain of a smile, before someone else in the room finally grew impatient, Gabe butting in. "You two finished whispering over there? Secrets don't make friends, you know."
I started to respond to this, but a turn in my stomach froze my vocal chords. I must have let the sudden nausea show on my face, because Gabe was almost instantly hopping to his feet and crossing the carpeted floor to reach me, latching a hand onto my elbow and hauling me to my feet.
"We don't want you to puke all over the floor." He stressed aloud, possibly letting everyone know exactly what was happening, proceeding to hasten our steps to near jogging in hopes that we would reach the bathroom in time. My mouth watered in an unwanted anticipation for the less than welcome action that was inevitable, and a lurch seemed to wrack my stomach. A vile warmth began a climb against gravity, slithering up my throat at a frightening pace.

My feet glued to the floor as instinct, body bracing itself for what was to happen next. Gabe saw that I wouldn't make it all the way, so instead he ducked into the closest room, Brendon and Ryan's, and found their wastebasket. He couldn't have had better timing, because no sooner than he'd returned and handed the trashcan to me, a heave pressed into my diaphragm, forcing an excretion of regurgitated water onto the plastic of the trash-bag with a disgusting sound. I was able to take a single breath after the first mouthful, only vaguely noticing that I'd sank to my knees to cradle the trashcan to my chest. "Guillermo-" Gabe's voice was near my ear, but the rest of what he was saying was cut off by another deposit into the trashcan.
The sick feeling dissipated then, I glad that it was only a small amount leaving me this time. I sat back, shoving the wastebasket away from myself and coughing profusely, which burned like fire against my raw throat.
"You okay?" Gabe's voice reached my ears again, I turning my eyes toward him to watch as he pulled a pack of gum from his pocket. "Here." He pulled a piece from the packet and tore the wrapper off, forcing it into my mouth. "It'll help with the throat."
I didn't want it, but I decided to thank him anyways. The taste wasn't amazing at the moment, considering I didn't want anything but water, but it was helping the sore throat situation. Stride, Berry flavored. He stood then, after I had a few moments to recover, pulling me to my feet and leading me toward our room.
I attempted to refuse, mentioning something about the group being in the living room, but he continued, pulling our door open. I honestly didn't think I'd missed my room so much, but it's bland twin beds and barred windows were like home now.
"They can talk later. You need some rest if we ever expect you to get better again, capiche?"
He led me over to my bed, still disheveled from when I'd slept in it last, pushing the cover back and helping me crawl onto the mattress.

After I'd pulled the cover closer to my chin, I watched him retrieve the trashcan by our door and place it by my bed. "Now. If you need anything, I'll be in the Living Room. Okay?" I nodded reluctantly and he turned to leave, but I caught his attention before he disappeared out the door. "Gabe?"
He paused, turning so that he could glance back over his shoulder. "Yes, Guillermo?" I hesitated, unsure if I should ask him because I hadn't the slightest idea how he would take it. "Um...What if I didn't want you to leave?" I finally managed to quip, and at first his face was washed to an idle canvas.
Slowly though, a grin was painted onto the hollow portrait with what I knew was going to come with a remark. "I knew you'd come around, Querido." He snickered, standing still for several painstaking moments before his feet moved, gliding him across the slick floor and closer to me. I scooted over until I was crushed against the wall, just in time to avoid him falling on me. "I could use some sleep too. Those damn nurses and their constant barging into the hospital room." He mused aloud, before letting a hardy yawn leap from his chest. "Glad to be home." He added, so I nodded into my pillow, agreeing "Glad to be home."