Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

GABE

The sun's dangerously bright rays were the reason for me finally stirring, rolling over in my bed, which was harder than usual.
I opened my eyes, maladjusted from the sudden shift between asleep and awake. When things became clear, the memories flooded back to me. That little twig of a boy was mocking me.
I couldn't remember what he'd done, but I'm guessing I might of punched him?
I sat up, which was a bad idea. A sharp, throbbing pain was drumming away at the base of my skull. Maybe I head-butted the boy.

I stood unsteadily, knees weak and about to the point of buckling, but I ignored it.
I crossed the dull, prison-like room to peak out the window on the door.
The hall, what bit of it I could see, was empty.
"Yo!" I beat my fist on the door repeatedly. It was minutes before Mr. Way's face was peering back from the other side.
He unlocked the door and stepped inside.
"Sit."
He waved his hand toward the bed, and I did, after wobbling back across the room.
He leaned against the wall adjacent to the bed, sighing.
"Tell me what you remember."
He was the first to speak.

"Okay..." I ran my fingers through my messy hair, knowing he had a tape recorder on him as a law, so I shouldn't waste his time.
"Honestly, all I can remember is that little emo was taunting me about something, and I'm guessing I hit him since I was sedated."
He took the time to turn my every word over in his mind.
"Well, no."
He glanced at me momentarily.
"You had one of your dreams. William called for help. I came in, along with two of our guards.
I woke you up and, before anyone could stop you, you tackled him. The guards pulled you off before you could harm him. You were saying something, but it was in Spanish."
He took a deep breath.
"Oh, and you managed to kick him in the side before the nurse got there. I don't know the damage yet, but I can check when I have one-on-one with him in," he peeked at his wrist watch. "30 minutes."

I secretly felt terrible. I loved to pick on the boy, but I didn't intend on hurting him.
"Shit." I rubbed my palms over my face and through my hair.
"When do I get out of here?"
Mr. Way shrugged.
"Whenever I'm done with Williams therapy, if you can behave yourself." I nodded glumly.
I hated saying sorry to people, but I hated harming innocent people even more.
"I'm going to record this in your file for future references. I'll be back in an hour."

I watched him leave before letting my head fall back against the wall, beginning to organize my apology.

BILL

"Just make yourself comfortable." Mr. Way gave a quick smile before casting his eyes down to a file in front of him.
"So, William, I'm just going to get to the nitty gritty. Attempting suicide three times?"
He stole a blink at the file.
"The first time was February 7th, 2007. Would you be willing to go back to that time and tell me how it happened?"

I was instantly terrified.
This man expected me to bring all of these emotions I'd ignored for three years, willingly?
I let my eyes cast down to my fidgeting hands, brunette hair shrouding my face.
"Umm..."
I pulled at the bandages on my wrists.
"W-well..." My throat was suddenly dry and scratchy.
"I...I.."
I couldn't get anything else out.

"Okay, I have a different approach."
He scribbled something down on a sheet of paper.
"I'm going to say a word. I want you to say the first thing that it makes you think of."
I nodded.

"Old."
"Mother."
"Spazz."
"Father."
He gave me a weird look before continuing.

"Suicide."
"relief."
"Sorrow."
"Consuming."
He paused to jot something down on the paper.

"Red."
"Blood."
"School."
"Horrible."
"Bullies?"

"Rape." Before I could think about this, I had already blurted it out, and I regretted it.
His hazel eyes rolled from the paper to me.
"Rape?"
I stared at the floor, hoping that if I did this long enough, he would forget I'd said this.
"You were raped."
He said this as more of a statement than a question.
I couldn't actually agree verbally, so I meagerly nodded my head.

"Does anyone know?" I shook my head no.
I couldn't even begin to describe how it felt to realize that someone else in this world, besides those three bullies, knew the horrible secret I'd had to carry on my shoulders.
He strummed his fingers on the Oak desk.
"Well, if you want, I can end it here for today."
I agreed desperately. "Please."
I jumped to my feet and almost made it out the door when he stopped me.
"How is your side?"
I hesitantly lifted my shirt to show the damage.
He grimaced at the discoloration.

"William!" I had been completely zoned out when I finally heard my name being called.
I paused where I was, turning to see Gabe jogging my way.
"Hey." He mumbled when he was at my side.
"Out already?"
He ran his fingernails over his neck.
"Look, I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I heard about last night and I'm really sorry.
I don't know what was wrong with me."

I was genuinely surprised that he was actually apologizing. He shrugged.
"What do you expect though? I'm in here for a reason."
It grew oddly silent for a moment before he reached out and grabbed the bottom of my shirt.
"What the hell are-"
I began to scream out of instinct, but when his eyes found my purple ribs, I hushed.
All the color drained from his usually pale face.
"Oh my God."
The words were muffled by the palm covering his mouth.
"Shit."
He disappeared around the closest twist of the hall.
Did I just see a human emotion on his face?