Promise Not to Break My Little Heart or Leave Me All Alone

Ryan’s P.O.V

I should have said goodbye to her even if I was being dragged out of the hotel already. She was just five doors away from me anyway. I am so dumb. I tried calling right after I got my phone back but she never answered. It was always out of service.

I wasn’t able to call right away because our manager was so mad at me and automatically confiscated my phone when we got to L.A. He was fuming mad at me because I suddenly disappeared during the band’s break. Panic had some guestings and I was absent in all of them. Their excuse was I had to fix some private affairs with my family. That’s the lamest excuse I ever heard by the way.

Ok, so this is what really happened. We decided to take a break as a band after the first record to find ourselves again and rest from work. The deal was we had to be close to Vegas and always stay in contact just in case we had some other side work to do. I broke both. I didn’t stay anywhere near Vegas and I never answered my phone. I did answer once and that was my biggest mistake.

I went to the beach to relax but Brendon had been calling me everyday ever since I disappeared so I answered one phone call. That was the call I answered in front of Tasha. I felt guilty so I decided to answer him already. I just told him that I went somewhere far and that I wanted to relax by myself. He tried to convince me in going back to Vegas but I said no. I mean, I wanted to have a break from all the pressure and most especially, I had to stay away from Brent.

See, Brendon, Spencer and I weren’t exactly always agreeing with him. He had a different perspective compared to the three of us. I had to stay away from all the chaos.

So back to Brendon’s call. He called me and I accidentally told him that I was in the beach. I bet our manager tracked me down by contacting every beach around Vegas. That’s how they found me. They barged into my room the morning after the party and dragged me out. Our manager was so furious at me for disappearing on the band like that. What can I do? I was so tired of dealing with Brent already that I needed some break away from him.

Both of us always argued. On our last show before the break, we fought about how he always made mistakes with his bass parts. I mean he didn’t even make his parts. Brendon and I were mostly the ones who made it and then he just edited it. I told him nicely to practice more so he wouldn’t make so many mistakes during our shows. He got all mad and said that the bass parts me and Brendon made sucked so he always made mistakes. I snapped at that and we started shouting at each other.

Simply said, the band had a break, our manager told us to stay near and keep in touch, I broke it, I answered Brendon’s phone call, our manager choked my location out of Brendon, and they tracked me down and brought me to L.A.

Lastly, and the thing I regret the most, I left Tasha with no goodbye. I had been problematic ever since then.

She was always in my mind and I couldn’t help but get mad at myself.