Taking Breaths to Stay

After we finished lunch, we just stayed in the booth and chatted, while Tyler colored on her kid’s menu.

“So, are you the only one in San Francisco?” I asked as we finally decided to leave.

“No, we’re all here to write and just to take a vacation,” he said as we walked out of the diner.

“So Kelly and Pandora are both here,” I said feeling excited and scared.

“Yeah,” he said looking at me, “And I know they’d love to see you.”

“I don’t know,” I said as I felt Tyler pull on my jacket to be picked up.

“It’s up to you,” he said putting his hands in his pockets.

“Mommy, are we still going to spend time with Daddy?” Tyler asked once I had lifted her onto my hip.

I looked at her pouting face, and knew that, inevitably, I was going to have to o see Kelly, Pandora and the rest of the band.

“Yeah sweetie,” I said smiling down at her, “And we’re going to meet some of Mommy’s old friends.”

After I told her we’d be with Alex the rest of the day, she got excited and reached out to him for a hug. He happily obliged, and soon enough, she was clinging to Alex instead of me.

“Do you want to just drive my car to where the rest of the band is?” I asked as we went to our cars, “I mean, considering her seats already strapped in?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he said as I unlocked the door, “I’ll put her in real quick.”

I just nodded, before walking to the passenger side, and getting into the car. Alex quickly put Tyler in her seat, and proceeded to get into the drivers seat. I handed him the keys, and we were on our way.

“Do they hate me?” I after we had been driving for about 10 minutes.

“They were mad for a while,” he said looking at me, “But they got over it quick. I know they’ll be really excited to see you. Especially Kelly and Pandora.”

“I hope you’re right,” I mumbled so only I could hear.

For the next 5 minutes I couldn’t help but to have semi-negative thoughts. I know Alex had said they didn’t hate me, but they probably still have a little bit of anger towards me. I mulled over the thoughts in my head, before they were broken the car stopping.

“Alright, we’re here,” Alex said pulling up to a rental house.

“I guess it’s now or never,” I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“It’ll be fine,” Alex said patting my shoulder in comfort, “Come on.”

I just nodded in agreement, and got out of the car. I woke up Tyler, who had managed to take a nap on the drive over, and got her out of her car seat. I waited for Alex to walk over, before we made our way up to the front door.

Since Alex lived in the house, he was able to just walk in. I walked in a few steps behind him, with Tyler on my hip.

“Yo Alex, is that you?” I heard the oh-so-familiar voice of Brooks ask from the living room.

“Yeah dude, it’s me,” Alex called back.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered to Alex as I started backing away.

“You’ll be fine,” Alex said putting his hand on my lower back and leading me to the living.

“Alright, good, we were going to start pra-“ I heard Jake start as we walked into the living room.

I felt 6 pairs of eyes on me and I couldn’t help but to cast my eyes to the ground. Everyone in the group shifted a little in their seats, and no one dared to break the silence. Eventually, after a few minutes, I heard Kelly speak.

“Katy?” she asked sounding a little shocked, “Is it really you? And whose little girl is that?”

“Surprise, I have a kid,” I said letting out a nervous laugh.

“Am I dreaming?” Kelly asked.

“I’m pretty sure this would be a nightmare,” I said so only I could hear.

“Guys, I have to tell you something really important,” Alex said trying to make everything less awkward, “This is Tyler, my daughter.”

“At least everyone knows now,” Pandora said breaking her silence.

“Wait, you knew?” everyone asked as they turned towards her.

“Uhm, yeah,” she said nervously, “I was with Katy when she found out. I never said anything, because I knew it wasn’t my place, and I was just respecting what I knew she’d want.”

“But why wouldn’t you tell me that I had child?” Alex asked sounding hurt and angered.

“Even if I did what would you have done?” Pandora asked trying to reason with him, “No one knew where Katy was, and if you knew that you had part of you out in the world, that it would tear you up. Especially if you weren’t able to find it!”

“But then I wouldn’t have lost her for two whole years!” Alex said throwing his hands in the air, “I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me. Way to be my friend, Pandora.”

“It wasn’t my place!” Pandora said standing up, “You know what, screw this, I’m out. I’ll be back later when you cool down. See you later Katy.”

“Bye Pandora,” I said as she stormed passed me and out the door, “I’m really sorry you guys, I didn’t want this to happen, at all.”

“It’s fine Katy,” Derek said coming over to me and giving me a hug, “I think we’re all just really glad to have you back. I missed you.”

“I missed you too Derek,” I said hugging back.

The next five minutes consisted of me greeting all of the guys, and everyone meeting Tyler.
Naturally, she loved all of the attention, so she just kept smiling. All of the guys, and Kelly, thought she was adorable for doing so as well.

Eventually, the guys had to go practice, so they went down to the basement, leaving Kelly and I in the living room.

“It’s so nice to finally have you back in our lives,” Kelly said as she finally gave me a hug.

“It’s good to be back,” I said softly smiling. “It was so hard to leave y’all in the first place.”

“It was hard when you left,” she said softly, “But none of that matters now. How have you been? What have you been up to? What do you do now?”

“Whoa, so many questions,” I said laughing, “Well, I’ve been good, and busy. But that’s expected after you have a kid. All I really do is work, play with Tyler, and hang out with John and Ashley and their friends.”

“John, as in your ex?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I basically ran to him when I found out,” I said shifting nervously, “I didn’t really have anyone that lived outside of Florida, except for him. So, he and his now fiancée, Ashley, practically took me in and helped me through my whole pregnancy.”

She made an ‘o’ shape with her mouth, and signaled for me to continue.

“As for what I do now, I’m a venue manager.”

“Living the dream still I see,” Kelly said smiling at me.

“Yeah,” I said smiling, “Now what about you? Anything majorly exciting happen while I was gone?”

“Not really. I just continued in music journalism, and now work for AP,” she said shrugging, “OH! And me and Jake are finally married!”

“Congratulations,” I said leaning over and giving her a hug, “I knew it’d happen sooner or later.”
She just laughed and nodded in agreement.

For the rest of the time the guys were practicing, Kelly and I shifted between catching up, and her playing with Tyler.

It felt good to be back with the ones I loved.