Don't Mess with Us, We Kick A- I Mean, Prod Buttock

After we fulfilled the ‘one condition’ Ellef said we were all free to go, apart from Nova.
“What? Noooooo!” protested Nova.
“Then you can’t all go,” said Ellef, folding his arms.
“You said one condition,” I pointed out.
“Yes, one,” said Ellef, holding up two fingers.
“That’s two, you nutcase,” said Kath.
“Why is there a chicken here?” I asked.
“I don’t care,” said Ellef.
“CHICKEN RAPE!” yelled Abbi.
“And why do you seem to always want to kidnap us?” asked Nova, “You’ve done it already, when you kidnapped Kath when we lived with you-”
“And you kidnapped our parents so we’d have to be fostered!” Zara said, folding her arms.
“You left Ellef’s academy,” said Ellef, sulkily.
The chicken pecked him. His bottom lip wobbled.
“Yeah, because it was-” began Kath, but then she saw the chicken and chased it.
“Should we rescue the chicken?” asked HRL.
“WHERE’S EMZ?” demanded Ruthie.
“Chicken rape!” said Abbi.
“Cookies,” I said, wanting cookies.
“….” Ellef sobbed.
“If you don’t tell me where Emz is,” said Ruthie, “I will kill you.”
Ellef handed her a key. “The cellar.”
“How imaginative,” said Nova, dryly.
We plodded downstairs.
“This is a weird shaped lock,” said Abbi.
“It’s a dick!” exclaimed Kath, gleefully.
“Small one,” muttered Zara, turning the key in the lock.
“You know, I could have just blown the door open,” said HRL.
“And probably Emz and Jess and Cherri up too,” said Ruthie.
“The chicken has followed us down,” I observed.
“Maybe it likes Kath,” suggested Abbi.
“We’re forgetting Emz!” said Ruthie, pushing open the door.
Emz, Cherri and Jess were sat on the floor, playing Scrabble.
“Cheater!” accused Cherri.
“I didn’t cheat! That was a perfectly valid move!” defended Emz.
“Sound familiar,” I murmured, as Ruthie rushed to Emz.
“Emz! My love! I missed you so!” she declared, throwing her arms around her.
“Er, yeah, thanks,” said Emz, trying to prise herself away, “Do you mind? I’m trying to finish this game.”
Ruthie’s bottom lip trembled.