Don't Mess with Us, We Kick A- I Mean, Prod Buttock

Fred's POV

“RAPE! RAPE! RAPEE!” sang Abbi joyfully.
“This is not the time,” Hrl told her.
“W-w-whyyyy?” asked Abbi, her bottom lip wobbling.
“Leave the child be,” said Zara, shaking her head.
“She’s older than you,” muttered Ruthie, despondently kicking a stone.
“Shurrup,” said Kath, “We need A Plan.”
“Oooh! A Plan!” squealed Abbi, clapping her hands.
I rolled my eyes. “Well, we know who took them. Probably.”
“Weeeeee!” said Abbi, “Ellef?”
“Yuh,” I said, popping a piece of chuddy in my mouth.
“You is chewing a jonny,” observed Abbi.
“Yummy.”
“I say Nova calls Ellef and says she wants to get back together,” suggested Zara.
“No!” protested Nova, “Why don’t you say that to Bongo?”
Zara pulled a face. “Bongo was just crap. He didn’t know his back end from his front…”
Kath smirked. “And you came running back to me, just like always.”
“I have an idea!” interrupted Hrl.
“Oh yeah?” said Kath, glaring.
“LET’S BLOW THEM UP!” beamed Hrl, obviously very delighted.
Silence.
“I know,” I exclaimed, “Let’s stalk them.”
“I do that anyway,” mumbled Zara.
“All we need to do is follow them,” Abbi said cheerfully.
“Or we could rape them?” suggested Nova, “Like Ruthie did that time.”
“Ohmygod, Ididn’trapethem, theyrapedmehonest,” said Ruthie, all in one breath.
“Rape rape rape!” sang Abbi again.
“Call Ellef and demand them back,” I said to Nova.
Nova rolled her eyes, but did as I said, putting Ellef on speakerphone.
“Give us back our pimps!” screeched Kath, swearing at the phone. Nobody had the heart to tell her that Ellef couldn’t see her swearing…Unless he was perving on us. I wouldn’t put it past him, the sex-crazed maniac.
“They’re my pimps now,” he said, trying, and failing to cackle.
“Donkey voice,” muttered Nova.
"DONKEY CONGA!" I screamed.
"Donkey on the beach," agreed Ruthie, "I remember when me and Emz-"
“So you’re-”
“No, I am…no…Peanut sex," said Ellef.
“What the fuck? Seriously, this guy…shemale…is bad for our mental health,” said Ruthie.
“What mental health?” replied Zara.
“Exactly.”
“RAPPPPPP. Hey, have you noticed rape is rap with an e on the end?” asked Abbi, suddenly.
“Have you noticed Abbi is spelt like silly idiot?” said Ellef.
“And Ellef, like ugly perve with a small dick?” I retorted, “Don’t insult my bitch.”
“Don’t be so possessive,” sniffed Zara, “She’s mine too.”
“And you are my bitch, Zara,” said Kath.
“I wanna bomb something,” said Hrl.
“Um, hello? Aren’t we a lil bit off topic here?” said Nova.
“Oh, yeah,” said Hrl, “Never mind, I can wait. In fact, can you fetch me-”
“Shhh, Ellef is mumbling something to himself,” Nova said.
“Idiotic perve with a small penis,” snorted Abbi.
Ellef put the phone down.
“Abbi, Abbi, Abbi,” I said, shaking my head, “You know how touchy he gets when you talk about his dick...”
“Hypocrite,” muttered Abbi, “Besides, I didn’t mention which one it was…”
“Shut up!” said Hrl, who’s tongue was stuck out. She was making a bomb.
“Where’d you get all of that stuff?” Nova asked, leaning in to have a closer look.
“It fell out of the sky,” Hrl answered.
“We should really go and infiltrate Ellef’s Academy,” said Ruthie.
“Yeah, yeah,” said Hrl, “We can do that later, after I’ve blown something up.”
“What about Cherri and Jess and…Emz?” asked Ruthie, her voice softening on the ‘Emz’.
“I’m sure they’re having a fun time,” said Zara vaguely, “Being raped and all.”
“BUT IT’S NOT BY ME!” screamed Kath, “HOW THE HELL CAN IT BE FUN IF IT’S NOT BY ME? Or one of you guys, I guess…”
“Bongo, Kath, B o n g o,” said Zara. Then…“Oh, I see what you mean.”