It Started Off With Just A Trip To Oakland, California

Mike had ended up calling, and just saying he was going to the studio, and that he'd see us later, and all that. Billie Joe was gonna go down later, so I probably was too.

We both eventually got up, it was already 12. Billie Joe went to tell me something when my cell phone rung. "Damn it" I mumbled, getting up from sitting in his arms. I had to answer it, and besides, it's just some asshole from Connecticut, what's the worst they could say before I hung up?

I grabbed the cell phone, told Billie Joe I'd be right back, and went upstairs into my room to answer it. I really wish I hadn't...

"Hello?"

"Wow! You actually fucking picked up!"

"Matt? What the fuck?"

"Yeah, that's me. I called, because new over here is you're now going out with the lead singer of Green Day"

I froze. How did he know?!

"What?"

"Is it true? I saw it in a magazine, Becky brought it-"

"Tell Becky to go fuck herself" I snarled

"Speaking of fucking, did you fuck him? Because that's probably the only reason he went out with you. To get laid. Everyone knows the guys just go out with you for your looks."

"That's not true!"

"Yeah, except you didn't fuck em' all"

Nothing bothered me as much as this did. I should have hung up right then and there. Just hang up and go back downstairs with Billie Joe.

"So, did you fuck him?" Matt asked, "Cuz if you did already it's obvious it's only for your looks. He doesn't like you, your just an 18 year old"

"I... I didn't..." I lied, almost in tears.

This is how everyone treated me in the town I was in, except for Becky and Steph... Becky has made me feel bad, but never like this... Matt always hated me since we broke up... But I'm guessing you can tell that by now...

"Sure you didn't. You probably-"

"Shut the hell up, Matt!" I said, tears starting to go into my eyes

"Why? Because I'm right?! You're 18! The only reason he could like you was for your loo-"

But he was cut off by me throwing my cell phone as hard as I could against the wall, making it snap into two. I slid against the wall, my head in my hands. I hated this, hated it. I was so happy before, and now he called and I was trying to stop myself from crying... And from thinking the worst... That Billie Joe could have only asked me out for the same reasons the guys did at home...

I tried to not think of it. I knew Billie Joe wouldn't do that... Would he? No, fucking hell he wouldn't. But why would he like an 18 year old when he was 33?

My thoughts were interrupted by hearing footsteps coming to the room where I was. It was Billie Joe, in other words... I picked up my cell phone, and looked at the two pieces, and then just threw them down again, tears still in my eyes as he walked into the room. He looked around, and then saw me against the wall.

"Shit, Mandy, are you okay?!" He asked, going over and sitting next to me.

I just looked at him. 'Get the thoughts outta my head... ' I thought to myself.

"What happened?" He asked, putting his arm around me, letting me cry into his shirt, "I heard something slam and a whole bunch of yelling"

"Why did you ask me out?" I asked, and then wanting to yell at myself for asking that.

"What?" He asked confused

"I mean, it's not like you could actually like me"

"What? Why the fuck can't I?" He asked, looking at me, a little hurt, and confused

"Because you barely know me!"

"Have you fucking lost it!?"

"And now you think I lost it!"

"I wasn't being literal" He said, still confused at why I was being like this, and still hurt

"Was it for my looks like the guys at home? Did you miss Adrienne so much-"

"What the hell? I don't fucking miss Adrienne, and because I missed someone wouldn't make me go ask you out."

"Then was it because you missed having someone in bed-"

"Are you telling me I asked you out because I wanted fucking sex?!" He said, now more hurt than confused.

"Why else would you want me to be with you?!"

"What the fuck Mandy?! I wouldn't have asked you out for sex! We had already almost had it before we even went out! And when we did you said you were fine! And I'm not some shit like that asking you out cuz-"

"Then WHY Billie Joe?! It can't be because you like me!"

"And why is that?!"

By now we were both standing up, yelling at each other. I was crying, and Billie Joe was confused, and really hurt by what I was saying. I wish he would have slapped me or something, got me out of whatever I was in.

"Because I'm fucking 18!"

"SO?!"

"18! You're 33!"

"I know how god damn old I am!"

"Then why are you asking out an 18 year old?!"

"Because maybe I liked the 18 fuckin year old! But who CARES if I liked you?! Cuz you're fucking 18! What the hell was I thinking, your god damn right!" He yelled, sarcastically

I couldn't say anything I was crying so much. What had I gotten myself into? Why did I start this? This was all my fault...

"Now would you like to tell me why the fuck we're fucking yelling at each other, or are you gonna continue to criticize me?!" He snapped

I would have said something, but I couldn't. I ran out of the room, and out of the house. I hated myself. Myself. Not Billie Joe, I was the asshole, I was the one who screwed everything up.

I got out of the house, still crying, and ran to the studio. I needed to talk to someone. Mike... I needed to talk to Mike. He was the one who really knew Billie Joe and I had been together... And now we were over... Because I started yelling at him, for no reason when I really cared about him. He was the only guy I've even been with that gave a shit about me, and I just start yelling at him for no reason... I needed to talk to someone, have them help me, have them tell me what to do.

The studio was now in view, after what seemed forever. I ran to it as fast as I could. Mike's car was there, thank fucking god. I kept running until I reached it, and pounded on the door with all the energy I had left, from crying and running. I was still crying...

"All right, All right, I'm fucking coming!" I heard someone yell... Mike

Mike opened the door, and looked at me, the smile on his face to a confused frown.

"Mandy? What's wrong? Where's Billie Joe? Did you run here?!"

"I was so stupid... He's at home... And I messed everything up" I cried, burying my head in his shirt.

"What? Here, come inside" He said, putting his arm around my back, and closing the door behind me.

He lead me to the couch, and sat me down, sitting down next to me. Tre was trying to balance his drumsticks on his finger, on the stool.

"Okay, now what happened?" Asked Mike, putting his hand under my chin, and wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Billie Joe... And I... We were, you know... Together..." I said, looking at Mike, trying not to cry.

I heard a drumstick hit the floor, and looked over at Tre, who's mouth was wide open, eyes wide.

"I thought so, after this morning when you two were sleeping on the couch together..."

Another drumstick his the floor, and Tre's mouth went even bigger, and his eyes went even wider.

"Yeah... But then today... One of my ex-boyfriend's called, and got into my head that Billie Joe only wanted me for my looks, and only wanted to have sex, and that he couldn't care about me because I'm 18"

"Well, that guys a total dickhead. Billie isn't like that."

"I know... But then it got into my head, and Billie came upstairs to see if I was okay, because he heard me yelling, and I had thrown my cell phone, and he heard it smash, because I broke it, and he started to ask me if I was okay, and put his arm around me, and I snapped Mike, I snapped! I started to tell him he couldn't care about me because I was 18!" I said, starting to cry again.

By now Tre was over next to me, telling me everything was going to be okay, and that it wasn't my fault and all that shit. I had buried my head into Mike's shirt again, crying.

They were both sitting there, trying to talk to me when someone started to bang on the door. Tre got up, and went to the door, to open it for whoever it was. I held my breath to hear who it was.

"I went looking for her, man. I couldn't fucking find her!"

It was Billie Joe...

"Chill out, Bill. She's on the couch with Mike."

"She came here?"

"Yeah, Mike answered the door, and it was her, and she was a wreck, man. She was fucking crying her damn eyes out."

Billie Joe was silent, and I stopped holding my breath, starting to cry again. Mike had his arm around me, telling me everything was gonna be okay, and that Billie Joe none of what I said was meant.

I heard Tre and Billie Joe talking, and then Billie Joe came into the room, stopping to look at me for a minute. He frowned, and just looked away, not knowing what to say. He glared at Mike, I don't know why... And then he walked over to the other side of the room, and was talking to Tre.

"I got fucking screamed at for no reason, I didn't know what the hell to say... And now... What the hell was I thinking? Going out with a fucking 18 year old?!"

"Agh, it's okay, Bill, and remember... Age is just a number, or something like that" Said Tre, giving Billie Joe a quick hug, "And you've gotten into fights with Adrienne before"

"Oh right, the women I'm divorced with" Said Billie Joe, sarcastically

"Oh... Well... I didn't... No... That..." Tre stuttered

Billie Joe laughed at Tre, who was still trying to find words. Billie Joe would look over at me everyone once in a while(I knew this because I couldn't stop staring at him, feeling like such a loser, just wanting to go over and say I'm sorry... )

But I never did get up... I just sat there, with Mike who was now sitting back, next to me, talking to me. I had stopped crying by now... Thank god. Billie Joe had gone through 2 beers, and was half way through his third. Tre had givin up trying to talk to him, because he was so... I don't know... No word for it...

It had been hours since I was there, and I still wasn't talking to Billie Joe. It was 8:00, and Billie Joe was really wasted... And I knew it was once again, my fault.

Mike, Tre, and I were sober... Perfectly fine, it was just Billie Joe who was drunk... I wanted to go over and tell him I was sorry for all the shit that had happened.

"I'm gonna go" slurred Billie Joe, standing up.

"No you're not" Said Mike, looking over at Tre's drum set

"What? Yeah I am"

"Dude, you're too fucking drunk"

"I'm not drunk"

"That might be convincing if you weren't slurring every word, and if you didn't look drunk"

"So maybe I had a few-"

"Damn strait. Look, Bill. I'm your best SOBER friend, you're not getting in the fuckin car drunk"

And that was the end of their little argument. Mike offered me a ride home, too, and I gladly accepted. Mike drove us both home, I said thank you for me and Billie Joe(who was out of it... ) and we both got out of the car. I still wasn't talking to Billie Joe.

After 6 attempts to get the door open, I pushed him out of the way and opened the door, walking inside first. I wasn't in the mood for anything.

Billie Joe walked... Well... Stumbled over to the couch, and fell onto it, while I went into my room... I should have talked to him... But I didn't... The words still rung in my head "What the hell was I thinking? Going out with a fucking 18 year old?!"

I never meant to get that into his head... But I did, and now he got into his head that it was stupid, making me want to cry again. Cry because if it wasn't for my screaming, the one guy except for my brother, that gave a shit about me. Cry because I had messed up. Cry because the one thing I cared about didn't want to talk to me...

I walked into the room, and changed into my pajamas quickly. I put on my '1039/smoothed out slappy hours' Cd, and laid down, starting to cry. This was all my fault. It should have been Matt's fault, because he was the asshole who said that shit... But it was mine, because I was the one who listened... I was the one that yelled at Billie Joe when he came upstairs to see if I was all right... I was the one who ended everything me and him had... Me...

I set my alarm clock, for some early hour. I wanted to get up, and get out of the house before Billie Joe came to his senses. I also wanted to check out what the asshole of a magazine said about me and Billie Joe being together... Should be interesting...

It seemed late... Later than it was. Actually, I don't know what time it was. Not that I cared. The fucking time was the last thing I cared about.

I started humming 'Perfect' to myself, even though Green Day was on.

"Cuz we lost it all/ Nothing lasts forever/ I'm sorry/ I can't be perfect/ Now it's just too late and/ We can't go back/ I'm sorry/ I can't be perfect"

"Good Job Mandy... You managed to chase away the only one that you really loved within an hour... Good... Fucking... Job" I whispered to myself, before falling asleep...