Maybe Memories

Kaitlyn Marie Ort.

She was my very best friend in 2006, from that fateful day at Autumn’s party where met a lot of people that would play big parts in my life. We seemed like a match-made in heaven. We both loved My Chemical Romance, South Park, the Jackass Crew, and everything else that matters the most when you are in sixth grade (her case eighth). The two year age gap didn’t matter between us, because you all know by now I was probably too mature for my age.

The day I knew that Kaitlyn was going to be my very best friend, was a sleep over at Autumn’s house. By that point, we both disliked her strongly but anything to spend time together. We danced to random Young Joc songs, and made up my long-term nickname, Becky, from none other than an eighties rap song about asses. It was the little things that mattered the most, as they always do. And we would both come to see that as quickly as the little things can bring you together they can rip you apart.

Kaitlyn and I mostly bonded on the phone. We spent countless hours talking about random things, most likely while watching Wildboyz on TV and talking about it because we’ve seen all the episodes multiple times. We were so similar, it was a wonder how we never met each other earlier. I thought that I found someone that I could really connect with.

We finally realized that she only lived up the high way from me, and started coming over my house more and more often, until it was basically an every day thing. We would go around doing stupid things like stealing caution tape and acting like hippies, “bumming” (which is when you take a blanket to a park and just sit there and pretend to sleep like homeless people do), TP-ing houses, singing My Chemical Songs obnoxious loudly or making up our own that usually insulting one person or another. When it was time for the holiday we used to go on a “Holiday Vandalism” streak where we would steal shit from people’s lawns and basically destroy all their hard work.

Anything stupid we were in. We made brownies and danced in the rain. She was the sweet release I needed, a breathe of fresh air. She was fun and she seemed to get me, it was all working out or so I thought. We started to get into little fights without much substance. She believed in God, I didn’t. She LOVED meat, I was a vegan. Different views on different subjects shouldn’t really matter but they started too.

But they weren’t enough to split us up at first. I felt comfortable with her. So much so that I broke down on the phone with her and confessed to her my huge secret about Lisa and Karin. It was the very first time I told anyone about them, and I thought I could trust her with it. I could, she was sweet and caring about it. She even understood how it felt on a much smaller level when her friend Brandi OD-ed on Heroine a few years later. I was their to dry up her tears as she was for me.

But the fights that used to seem small and petty soon turned into heated arguments that had us hanging up on each other and not talking for hours. With help from my friend Sabrina (who will have a chapter of her own), I decided that I didn’t need Kaitlyn anymore. She and I had changed too much and we were no longer in shape to be each other’s friends anymore. It ended roughly, bad letters exchanged nasty words and Myspace drama ensued.

And yet, when I was in the hospital this November she was the only person who came and visited me. We weren’t even talking and yet she rushed over as soon as I sent my mother over to drop off her stuff, a collection of everything she ever gave me every letter we ever wrote in a shop rite bag. I still don’t know if I made the right choice by expelling her from my life. Because even if we didn’t connect, I know that she would be there if I needed her.

And I dropped her like that. Most of the times I don’t care, and that was because I had Sabrina and I had all my other friends.

But what happens when Sabrina and all those other friends just forget about me? What happens when im the one being dropped?