Maybe Memories

I won’t ever forget the last time I was Lisa; Alive that is. She looked so gorgeous, with her tawny hair blowing in the refreshing June breeze. Her emerald eyes sparkling as she lied to me.

“Love you! I’ll call you when I get home,” She promised me just like she did every other day. Her voice woven with sincerity, which I now know was false.

“I love you, too!” I called over the chaotic clamor of children scrambling around the bus platform, trying to avoid the cold drizzle of rain that was starting to drip from the sky.

I trudged along into my regular spot on the back of bus sixty-three. I couldn’t wait to be far away from Defranko Elementary School. The entire time the bus was chugging along the highway, I was lost in thoughts of the storm that had just began and today’s activities. I would go home, calling Lisa the second I walked through the door, and we would spend the rest of the evening together. It would be just like every other night, or at least I thought.

The bus finally came to a halt at the end of my street. I smiled as I emerged into the down pour, my coal black converse splashing in the puddle that had formed at corner of the street. I sighed happily, rejoicing as the rain pelted my skin while I started my brief hike up the hill.

My house was dark and empty once I finally unlocked the door. My mother would be working late just like always. I searched for my phone with the huge grin still plastered on my face. When I located it between the cushions of my silver sofa, I dialed Lisa’s number without hesitation.

After six rings her phone went to voicemail and my grin disappeared fully. Where is she? I questioned myself, impatiently. I was annoyed, but not yet worried. It was only five past four, I’d give her twenty more minutes before I rung the alarm.

Those twenty minutes passed with me pacing my hallway nervously. This was so unlike Lisa, she would always call me by now. I was concerned beyond belief that her abusive, coke-head step-father might have come home early and decided to beat her again. My mind refused to warp around the idea of what else he could have possibly done to her.

Another uncomfortable five minutes passed, before I lost it. A pang of sorrow tortured my heart, I know something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put a finger on what yet. I left a scribbled note to my mother on the kitchen table before venturing out into the rain again.

I found myself sprinting down the street until I was finally standing out side of Lisa’s little white house. I could hear the screeching of guitars from the third story room of Lisa. It took me only a second for me to identify the song as “Shattered by Broken Dreams” by Avenged Sevenfold. That feeling of desolation washed through me once again as I located the spare key from under the flower pot.

I jiggled the key in the handle until the front door finally opened. The music was deafening, completely blocking out the thudding of the precipitation against the roof. I rushed up the two flights of stairs until I reached Lisa’s attic room, gasping for air.

I struggled to open the door, pushing with all my strength to move whatever was in the way. Pure Fear was flowing though my veins as I continued to struggle. Something was terribly wrong, much worse then I originally feared. Lisa wouldn’t lock her door unless there was something utterly wrong. I couldn’t even fathom what I saw once I finally got the door to budge enough so I could slip into her room.

Leaning against her ivory dresser, in the most unnatural position, was Lisa. Her neck was situated in the most awkward angle, and her body was slumped over. The tips of her amber hair were matted with a garnet liquid that was running down her torso and collecting in a pool around her petite body. The black handle of a cleaver was sticking out from her chest. It took me a second to all of it together. That all crimson liquid that was running along the floorboards in little streams were blood. That Lisa, my best friend and my life, was dead.

Agony ripped through my body, bringing me to my knees. Sobs of anguish escaped from my trembling lips, as the tears began to cascade down my cheeks like the rain beating against the sturdy frame of the house. My face crumbled in pain as I cried harder than I ever had in my life.

Very slowly, as time passed like years my tear ducts began to run dry. Then when there were no tears left, I forced myself to my feet. I glanced around, drained of all emotion. I had no idea what I was searching for, but I found it on her plush violet bed.

I approached the bed with a slothful pace, my eyes focusing on what was laid haphazardly on the sheets. I found a paper with Lisa’s beautiful writing on it. Scattered around the paper were about a dozen tiny white pills of Oxy Cottin. After a second I realized the paper was none other than a suicide note.

The numbness left as I clutched the not tightly. I waited for the blurriness to dissolve before I attempted to read the note. My heart fell even more, if that was even possible, when I read her last words and realized that the note was addressed to me.

ReyRey,
I've only known you for about a year, but the time we've had, I treasure. You and Rinie have become my missing two thirds, I love you both dearly. I haven't been completely honest and I’m sorry for that. You always asked if I was okay when I had bruises on my body, and I always told you I was fine. That was a lie; you knew what really happened behind the walls of prison that I called my home. You knew how much Brian meant to me; how that was the only thing I wanted. Well, now I have that. I’ve met him, I've talked to him, and my only dream has come true. I don't see any other point now. Of course I love you, but now even though we are closer than Jimmi and his drums, I know I can't continue this life. I’ll go on to something better, whether I go to heaven, become a tree, or just have a family of bugs eating me apart slowly, I’ll still be here with you, if you carry me along. I’m sorry for doing this to you, but you have to understand this life wasn't mine. I hope one day you'll understand. I love you ReyRey.

LoveXSyn,
Lisie

I must have read her words ten times before it really hit me. She was really gone. Everything I lived for was never coming back to me. I’d never get to see her smiling face or her stunning apple green eyes again. I’d never get to hear her musical voice sing along to the lyrics of an Avenged Sevenfold song, or hear her obsess over Brain Haner Jr. Her life, along with mine, was over. Only for her she’d get to move on to a better place, for me I’d rot emotionally in this place that had just become my biggest Hell; A world without Lisa.

I let the piece of paper fall onto the bed gently whilst I closed the space between Lisa and myself. I kneeled down beside her, so my face wasn’t far from her face. I don’t know I was possibly able to keep myself together, but I did. I leaned in further to whisper the lyrics of one of her favorite songs by Avenged Sevenfold, “Never will I forget you and all the memories past,” With that I kissed her icy cheek once more before awkwardly standing up.

I stumbled out of the house weakly, letting the blasting music fill my mind. I knew I had to call the police, her body needed attending to. The rain broke through my carefully composed façade as the crippling sorrow worked its way back in. I jogged down to the gas station, dialing 911 on the pay phone frantically. I reported what I saw without giving a name and hung up the phone with an audible slam once I was sure they knew where they were going.

I rushed back to my house clumsily. I couldn’t wait to be under the comforting warmth of my blankets. And even more so, I was glad my mother wasn’t home yet, so I could fall into pieces without being watched like a caged animal. But my break down wouldn’t wait until I was safely under my covers; I clutched my sides as the sobs increased in intensity. The worst of it was yet to come.

It’s been four years since that fateful day changed my entire life. And only now I understand that what happened was for the best, or at least I understand that was the way Lisa saw it. I do understand why she did it; I only wish she had found a better way to handle it. When Lisa took her own life, I felt she might have well taken mine with her. I felt that I died when she did, only I died in the emotional sense. And I felt that way up until almost a year ago, that I should have joined her. But now I see that now isn’t my time to go. She showed me that everyone has a purpose and everyone is loved. She helped me understand that I was meant to do much more for this world, and that you should always feel loved because you always are. And now I live my life to the fullest in her memory. There is only one thing I can say to her that will sum up all thoughts and feelings I feel for her, “Never will I forget you and all the memories past,”