Living for the Music

By the end of the period, I had another verse written, but was still missing the bridge and chorus. I quickly wrote down the new verse on my good copy, knowing that I’d have to go through and rearrange the verses later. Still, seeing it in print made me feel a lot better.

Verse ?
I’m not the little girl I used to be
Too old for games, too young to be free
Forced by the will of the majority
So how would you recognize me?

I shut my notebook with a smile, noting that I still had two minutes before the bell rang. “You look happy,” Seth remarked.

I glanced over at him as he shut his own binder. “I am.”

“What sparked the sudden mood change?”

“I got something done today. It makes me feel like this class wasn’t a total waste of time.”

“Is it normally a waste of time?” he asked, laughter in his voice.

“Well, yesterday I didn’t get anything accomplished. Today I got another verse down. If I can nail the chorus this weekend, I can record on Monday and finish up the bridge as I go.”

“Sounds like you know what you’re doing,” Seth agreed.

“The issue is actually doing it,” I admitted.

“You will,” Seth said firmly. “I know you.”

I bit my lip to keep from arguing. He didn’t know me anymore. Why couldn’t he get that through his head? As the bell rang, I swung my bag over my shoulder, still carrying my notebook in my arms.

“Do you ever go anywhere without that?” Seth asked in amusement as we headed up the stairs.

I shook my head. “If it’s not on me, it’s not safe. I learned the hard way that some people have no idea what the word privacy means.”

He winced slightly. “Someone actually read it?”

“Yeah,” I replied grimly. “And that was pretty soon after you left. So it had a lot of… personal stuff in it.”

He swore under his breath, so softly I barely heard. “You know I would never do that, right? I’d never read it if you really didn’t want me to.”

“I know,” I replied, a little surprised to find I did believe him. “Maybe someday–“ I closed my mouth before I said anything I’d regret later.

Seth shot me a curious glance but didn’t push me as I made my way in to the cafeteria. “You getting a lunch?” I asked, trying to break the silence.

“Nah, Mom packed me one. I’ll meet you at the table.”

I nodded, a little put out by the fact that he automatically assumed he was sitting with us. But I had noticed how easily he’d fallen back in with the group, the same kids he knew in junior high. He was already closer to them than I was, and I had a three year advantage. But then, I’d never really fit in.

By the time I reached the table, Aaron was deep in conversation with some of the boys. I sat down across from them, secretly fuming at my demotion. I had always sat by Aaron – until Seth came. I guess friends took priority over girlfriends.

I ate in silence for a moment before he noticed me. “Hey babe,” he muttered, leaning across the table to swipe a fry.

“Hey,” I replied roughly, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. I tried not to meet his eyes, afraid he’d be able to read all my feelings. Apparently I wasn’t as good at hiding them as I thought, if Seth’s words were anything to go off of.

I picked at my food, trying not to notice that I was being totally ignored. The boys were all talking about one thing, and the girls were all the way down at the other end of the table. I probably wouldn’t like their conversation either, come to think of it.

It was at times like this that I wondered why I even tried to fit in. It was so obvious that I didn’t. Aaron was my only tie to this group, and half the time he didn’t even seem to notice I was there. When I stood up to dump my tray, I brought my stuff with me and hid out in the bathroom for the rest of the period.