Living for the Music

I sighed to myself as I ate another spoonful of mashed potatoes. At least if I was chewing no one expected me to say anything. To my relief, Nathan seemed to sense the awkwardness and quickly switched the subject.

“What’s your project, Seth?” he asked. “I haven’t heard about that.”

“I’m rearranging a song,” he muttered, “then recording it on my guitar.”

“Which one?” Mara asked.

“Shadows and Regrets,” Seth replied, glancing at me. I bit my lip, not able to meet his gaze. I completely understood the sentimental meaning behind it. A part of me was a little surprised he actually went through with it, but I could see how he could really make it fit his situation right now.

Somehow, I made it through the rest of the year without too many references to the past. Seth and I were carefully polite, and Nathan was always wiling to step in if things got to strained. Twenty minutes later, Nathan pushed his chair back with a satisfied sight. “Thanks Mom,” he groaned. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah, thanks Mara,” I agreed. “Everything was delicious.”

“Oh, you guys,” Mara sighed. “Go on, get out of here. I know you guys have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, not anxious to be alone with Seth. “I’d be happy to help.”

“Oh, no,” Mara assured me. “You go ahead, darling. I know you guys probably have plans.”

I looked at Seth for a second then turned to meet Nathan’s gaze. He glanced questioningly at the den and I nodded. “We’re gonna go watch a movie, Mom,” he announced.

“Sounds good,” Mara replied. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” I called as I followed Nathan down the hall. I could hear Seth following behind me, and was a little surprised when he followed me right into the den. “You want to watch with us?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”

Well, it wasn’t a huge vote of confidence, but it was a start, at least. I curled up on the couch, surveying the huge array of DVDs that filled one of the shelves on the wall. “What’re we watching?”

Nathan shrugged. “I don’t really care,” he admitted.

“No chick flicks,” Seth ordered.

“Do you even have any?” I laughed, scanning the shelves.

“Probably not,” Nathan agreed.

“So any movie is fair game?” I clarified.

“Oh no,” Seth shuddered. “Not by a long shot.”

I rolled my eyes slightly before standing up to examine the movies movie closely. “Is this good?” I asked, pulling out an old Pink Panther movie.

Seth rolled his eyes. “Not really.”

“What about…. This one?”

“Star Wars?” he said disbelievingly. “Yeah, it was cool – about three years ago.”

“What about Pirates?” I asked patiently, trying to bite back my anger.

“Of the Caribbean? No thanks,” Seth shuddered. “They went downhill after the first one.”

“Fine, then,” I snapped. “What would you recommend?”

He pushed himself off the beanbag thing and walked over to me. He leaned over me, so close I could feel the heat of his body, and plucked a movie off the shelf. “This one.”

I stared at the back cover. Heath Ledger seemed to be staring back at me, his face white and glazed. I bit my lip to hold back my shudder. “I haven’t seen that,” I allowed.

Nathan sat up to see which movie his brother was holding. “You haven’t seen the Dark Knight? That’s practically a sin.”

I rolled my eyes. “It can’t be that good.”

“Yes, it can,” Seth assured me.

“I don’t think I want to see it,” I finally admitted.

“Come on, Sophie,” Nathan wheedled. “Please?”

“You’re not scared, are you?” Seth taunted.

Three years ago, I would’ve cried “Yes!” and dealt with the consequences. But with the way Seth was smirking at me, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

“It’s okay, Sophie,” Nathan assured me. “It really isn’t that bad. It’s a really good movie.”

I bit my lip harder, attempting to hold back my protests. It was just a movie, after all. “Come on, Nathan. You know me. It isn’t exactly my type of movie.”

“I don’t know you,” Seth said bluntly, throwing my own words back at me. “I think you might like it.”

I couldn’t argue. I wanted to stand up for myself, but somehow my brain managed to convince me that the movie wouldn’t be that bad. I nodded reluctantly, handing Nathan the DVD before sitting back down on the couch.

Within minutes, I was regretting letting them talk me into this. I couldn’t believe either of them really thought I would like this movie. I have nothing against horror movies, or violent, bloody movies, but they definitely weren’t the kind I wanted to watch in my free time.

After one particularly gruesome scene, I forced myself to get up and leave the room. Neither boy called after me, and when I glanced back they were both staring at the screen. That was one thing I don’t think I’ll ever get used to about boys – there attraction to blood and gore.

I fumbled around in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Actually, I was mostly stalling so I didn’t have to go back in there right away. Finally, I found a bag of microwaveable popcorn and stuck it in for the instructed three minutes.

While I waited, I couldn’t help glancing around the kitchen. Not much seemed to have changed since they left. Although considering it was a house-switch, and all the furniture stayed here, I wasn’t really that surprised. It would have taken a lot of effort to totally revamp the house.

I continued to dawdle as the microwave beeped, taking my time finding a bowl to fit the popcorn in. I was glad it was jumbo sized – I had a feeling the boys would start to pay attention when they smelt food. I grabbed a pack of Twizzler’s from the cabinet and a pop from the fridge, forcing myself to feel at home here. Finally, when I couldn’t think of anything else to do, I headed back out to the living room.

Of course, right as I walked through the door I saw someone being killed with way too much blood and guts to be considered realistic. I shrieked quietly, immediately regretting the fact when both boys turned to look at me. “Aw, did that scare little Sophie?” Nathan teased good-naturedly.

“Hell yeah,” I muttered under my breath, bending down to pick up the candy I’d dropped. “Let’s just say I wasn’t expecting that.”

Seth smirked at me before turning back to the TV. I wanted to slap him for being such an arrogant prick. Honestly, what had I done to deserve it?

You were kind of a bitch, my friendly conscience chimed in.

No, I was just shy, my other half piped up.

Well, it came across as stuck-up.

I’m not stuck-up, I was scared, I argued with myself. He’d already left me once.

It wasn’t his choice.

Yeah, but he didn’t seem to protest that much.

That isn’t fair.

The hard part was, I knew it wasn’t fair. I couldn’t hold it against him, but I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen. But I forced myself to stop thinking about it as I headed back to the couch. If I hadn’t come up with an answer in the past three days, there was no way one would magically pop into my head tonight.

“Pass me some popcorn, Sophie?” Nathan asked softly, eyes focused on the TV. I didn’t follow his gaze. The sound was more than enough for me. I handed him the bowl, letting him take a large handful before pulling it back.

“What, none for me?” Seth muttered. I couldn’t give him the courtesy of a response, because I knew that anything I said right then would just make him even more mad at me.

Finally, he seemed to get the message. He moved backwards, towards me, and reached his hand back, feeling around for the bowl. I stiffened as his warm skin brushed mine, sending tingles through my body. I was glad no one was watching me, because I’m sure I was bright red.

I wasn’t sure I could stand him touching me again. I grabbed his hand and directed it towards the bowl, dropping it into the popcorn. He muttered something under his breath that could’ve been “Thank you” but probably wasn’t.

I cracked open my pop and grabbed some popcorn. It was going to be a long night.