Living for the Music

Finally, finally, the movie was over. I let out a sigh of relief. After the first forty-five minutes, I’d tried to get some sleep, but my eyes jerked open at every explosion, just in time to see the aftermath of the chaos. Although it was probably a good thing. If I had managed to sleep, I can guarantee I would’ve had some serious nightmares.

Nathan stood up to bring the popcorn bowl back out in to the kitchen. I had been thinking during the movie, and I quickly worked up the nerve to spit it all out. “Seth,” I called as he turned to leave the room. He paused in the doorway. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

He didn’t move towards me, and I began to think he wasn’t going to give me a chance to talk. I felt my heart sink.

“What do you want?” he finally asked.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the explosion I knew would probably come. “Look, I know you’re probably expecting an apology. And maybe you deserve one. But I think you owe me one, too. Everything you said was true. I don’t know you like I used to, and because of that I can’t trust you like I used to.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but I talked right over him. I was becoming pretty good at this 'speaking my mind' stuff.

“But what you don’t seem to get is that I want that to change. I want us to be friends, Seth. You’re… a part of me. A part of my past. And I miss you. But I'm tired of doing this. I've tried, and maybe I didn't try hard enough, but it didn't seem to work. It only made you mad at me. And honestly? I can't fight for both of us. I'm not strong enough."

I paused, trying to organize my thoughts quickly before he could jump in and wreck my groove. “And don’t think this means I don’t like you, because swear I really do. All I’m saying is that I’m done chasing after you. The ball’s in your court now. If I mean anything to you, if you want to have anything to do with me, you know where to find me. Otherwise? I give up.”

There was a moment of silence before I turned and left the room as quickly as I could. I wasn’t able to meet his eyes, afraid of what I would read there.

How could you do that? half my brain moaned. What if he decides he wants nothing to do with you?

Then he doesn’t deserve me, the other side answered with a lot more confidence than I felt. You did the right thing, Sophie.

Yeah, you keep right on thinking that, my brain scoffed. You can pick up the pieces when he doesn’t call.

I shook my head, throwing the voices to opposite sides of my head. They could battle it out some other time. I stepped into my boots, not bothering to zip them. I wanted to be out of there before Seth could decide what he wanted to do. As I unlocked the door and headed outside, my brain was whirling, going over my speech again and again. It was like the instant replay button on the remote was permanently stuck.

Had ripping off that quote made it too obvious? Too corny? What if he recognized it?

Seth doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to search for quotes on the internet,my brain scoffed. Honestly.

I wasn’t searching for it and I still found it.

They battled back and forth, my own personal devil and angel, and neither of them made me feel any better. As I entered my house, my phone rang. I glanced at the screen, surprised when I didn’t recognize the number. Who had gotten it? “Hello?” I answered cautiously.

“Where’d you go?” Nathan asked. “I got back to the den and you and Seth had both disappeared.”

I sighed. “I – wait, how did you get my number?”

“Don’t change the subject, Sophie,” Nathan chastised lightly. “What happened when I was in the kitchen?”

“I think I told Seth off,” I admitted.

“You did?” Nathan asked in astonishment. Then he started to laugh. “Wow. Good for you, Sophie. I always thought you let him control you.”

“I did not,” I snapped. “You have to give me some credit.” Nathan was still laughing. “Stop it!”

“Oh, come on. You know I love you,” he managed.

"Yeah yeah," I mumbled. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"No, it's not you," he assured me. "Just the thought of you telling Seth off... well, it's totally not your personality. You're not normally like that. I can just imagine the expression on his face."

"Well, I didn't see it so feel free to picture whatever you want," I sighed.

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked, his laughter finally dying down. "You didn't stick around to watch the chaos?"

"I gave him an ultimatum," I admitted. "It seemed like a good idea until I realized that I had to wait for his response. That’s when I decided it might be a good idea to leave."

"You didn't take it back?" his brother asked in shock.

"I told him the ball was in his court," I retorted. "I didn't want to ruin my exit line."

"So you took off," Nathan mused, "and my brother disappeared. He isn't over there, is he?"

"Trust me, if he as over here I wouldn't be talking to you," I said dryly.

"Well, don't worry about it. Seth knows what's good for him. I'm sure he'll come around soon."

"Not soon enough," I muttered. I finally moved out of the entryway, heading up to my room.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nathan asked.

"Well, it wouldn't have hurt him to 'come around' before I watched that stupid movie," I shuddered, quickly flipping on all the lights in my room. "You guys have me scared to death."

"Don't worry about it. If there are any bad guys in there, I'll take care of them."

"And how do you purpose to do that from a totally different house?"

"Oh, I'm sure I'd find a way if I had to," he said airily. "And speaking of him, guess who just walked in the door?"

"The joker," I replied.

“That would be a negative,” Nathan laughed. “Give you a hint: he’s related to me.”

“The joker was wrong?” I said lightly.

“Very funny,” Nathan retorted. “Try again.”

“I’m gonna guess Seth,” I finally agreed.

"Good job!"

"Considering I had a 50-50 chance, I'm not very surprised I was right," I replied. "What's he got to say?"

I heard some muttering on the other end of the phone before Nathan came back on the line. "He says he's head over heels in love with you and he can't live without you and you have to come over here so we can watch Saw together."

"Haha," I retorted. "You almost had me until you brought up Saw."

"Nah, he doesn't have anything to say. I mean, nothing he won't regret later."

My heart sunk. "So he said he doesn't want anything to do with me?"

"What? That was the ultimatum you gave him?" Nathan asked in shock. "Wow. You have more balls than I thought."

"Thanks, I think," I finally replied. "Then that wasn't what he said?"

"Nah," Nathan sighed. "But like I said, it wasn't anything important. Oh, now he's shaking his head in disgust. And now he's leaving the room... it sounds like he's going upstairs...."

I bit back my laugh, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. "Good talking to you, Nathan."

"Now he's slamming his door… it sounds like he's pacing – well, at least the floorboards are creaking."

"I'll talk to you later," I interrupted.

"Something just went crash… I hope it wasn’t one of my books, he happens to be borrowing a lot of them at the moment."

"Bye," I said before quickly shutting my phone.

But not before I heard him yell, “I’ll send you the repair bill, Sophie!”