Living for the Music

Finally, we called it a night. I finished the last bite of my ice cream and headed inside. I opened up my computer and pulled up my Facebook page. Seth is... mad. He had also left three posts on my wall. I quickly read them, then deleted them. They all said the same basic thing - we need to talk. Well, tomorrow would have to be soon enough, because I was ready to float on my high for the rest of the night.

My phone rang at nine am the next morning. I grabbed it and muttered a sleepy "Hello?"

"Hey Sophie," Seth replied in a friendly voice. "Got any plans today?"

"Umm.... I don't think so," I admitted, trying to force my sleep-logged brain to think.

"Cool. Want to come with us?"

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Picking out a Christmas tree," he replied in a 'duh' kind of voice.

I glanced at my clock again. "When?"

"We'll leave in an hour. Be there or else."

He hung up before I could ask what the 'or else' was. Because at the moment, that was sounding awfully good. Sighing, I pulled myself out of bed at the last possible moment and threw on a pair of black sweatpants. I pulled on a white tank top over it, then sat down on the edge of my bed to wrap my wrist. As soon as I'd completed that remedial task, I carefully slipped a sweatshirt over my head and put on my sling. I hurried across the lawn and was in the Damon's driveway with a minute to spare.’

"Hey Sophie," Nathan called from the doorway. "We're running late, as usual. You want to come in?"

I headed up the steps and pushed past him into the living room. Seth was sitting on the bench, bending down to lace up his boots. He looked up, and I gasped at the sight of his face. He smiled wryly. "That bad, huh?"

"Oh my God, Seth, I'm sorry!" I managed. He had the makings of a black eye, and his split lip had crusted over slightly. I could tell he was sore from the way he avoided touching anything. I knew the feeling only too well.

"It's not your fault," he assured me, brushing off my concern. I bit my lip, still feeling bad. "Oh, come on, Sophie. Aaron's a head case, okay? It's got nothing to do with you."

"He's not a head case," I protested. "He's just overprotective."

Seth snorted quietly. "Overprotective? What does that make you, his favorite toy?"

I couldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t look at him at all. Seth took a deep breath. “Forget I said anything, okay? Just know it’s not your fault.”

I nodded silently. I was beginning to regret agreeing to come.

“So where were you last night?” he asked as we made our way back outside. “I was trying to get a hold of you.”

“Aaron and I went to a movie,” I replied.

His face seemed to shut down. "Oh." He paused for a moment as we climbed into the back seat of the van. "Did it go okay?"

"Yeah, of course," I shrugged. "Why wouldn't it?"

"Well, Aaron seemed pretty mad earlier. Even before the fight. I thought maybe he was still pissed off."

I laughed softly. "Nah, Aaron goes and hits someone and gets it out of his system."

“He hit you?" Seth looked horrified.

"No," I protested. "You took care of that. He only hit me-” I shut my mouth quickly, but it was too late.

“When?” Seth asked quietly. I didn’t answer. “God, Sophie, you know that’s not right. Was it…”

He stopped as his eyes fell on my wrist. “Was it that one day?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, pretending to be oblivious.

“You know. The day he came to school all pissed at us. He blew up at you because you let me see your notebook. And then the next day, you two seemed fine. But you had that on your wrist.”

I sighed. “It’s okay, Seth. Just forget about it, okay?”

“No,” he murmured to me as the rest of his family piled into the car. “It’s not okay. He has no right to do that to you and you know it.”

I opened my mouth to reply, but Mara cut me off. “So you’re going to help us this year, huh, Sophia? Just like old times.”

I smiled at her in the mirror. When I was younger, this had been one of my favorite things to do. Seth and I would camp out underneath various trees in the lot, always fighting over which one of us had chosen the best tree. We created our own little universe in the over-forested parking lot.

I avoided looking at Seth, not anxious to continue our conversation. I was afraid that once he was done being mad at Aaron, he’d get mad at me. And honestly, I couldn’t handle that right now.

Finally, we reached the parking lot that currently housed a sea of green trees. Glancing around, I was a little disappointed to realize that the evergreens weren’t the giants I remembered them being. Not that I had really expected them to be, but it felt like another childhood dream gone out the window.

I wandered down the rows, looking at each tree with one eye while keeping an eye out for Seth with the other. He could corner me too easily here. I kept coming back to one tree at the very end of a row. It was smaller than all the others, and seemed to droop, almost as if it was sad. It reminded me of something, seeming to echo long lost memories. Or maybe I was just going crazy.

Still, when the Damon’s finally found me, I was standing by that tree. “I like this guy,” I announced.

Nathan looked at it critically. “That one?”

“Yeah,” I said firmly. “That’s my pick.”

Nathan sighed loudly but didn’t argue. Seth was looking at me fiercely, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. “I kind of like it,” Mara nodded. “I have a good feeling about this guy.”

Tom shrugged. “I’m just the checkbook. You guys can choose whichever one you want.”

Mara glanced at me, then at her sons. “This one?”

“Sure,” Seth murmured. Nathan pretended to be mad, but I could tell he was just playing. He would be protesting a little more if he was serious.

Mara nodded and Nathan leaned down to pick it up. He held it carefully, and I could tell it must be heavy. But I was afraid I’d be more harm than help with my wrist, and Seth wasn’t volunteering either. Sighing, I followed him to the counter, where Tom paid for the tree, then to the car. Nathan and Tom wrestled it onto the top of the car and attached it with bungee cords. I moved past them and settled myself into the back seat of the car.

I tried to ignore Seth when he sat down next to me, but he wouldn’t let me. He grabbed my chin in his hand, roughly turning my head so I had to look at him. “You deserve better, Sophie,” he whispered.

“I know,” I replied. He stilled with my admission, and I felt I had to explain. “But I can’t leave him. He’s just as lonely as I am.”

Seth stared at me in amazement. “Aaron Schuler? Lonely?” He laughed. “You’re kidding yourself, Sophie.”

I bit my lip so hard it drew blood. I couldn’t explain, couldn’t make him understand. To my relief, Nathan and his parents climbed in to the car then. But I knew the conversation was far from over.