Living for the Music

The next day, I slept in for the first time in what felt like forever. In reality, it had probably only been a week, but it had been a long week. I was relieved to not have anything to do. Of course, when I woke up I had a more pressing issue to think about. What exactly was I going to wear to this wedding?

I searched my closet, hoping I had something appropriate that would still fit me. In the very back, I found a long clothes bag. I frowned, unable to remember where I had gotten it or what was inside. I slid open the zipper and stared in awe at the black dress.

It was perfect. It was a longer dress, and it had long sleeves, so it would keep me moderately warm. I threw off my pajamas and slid it on, barely able to believe it might actually work.

I smiled at myself in the mirror. Yes, this would definitely work. It was as if my fairy godmother had placed it in the closet for me to find. Too bad I didn’t believe in magic, and I sure wasn’t as lucky as Cinderella.

I glanced at the clock, amazed at how late it had gotten. I needed to be at the church in two hours, and it would take at least a half hour to drive over there. I quickly jumped in the shower and shampooed my hair, quickly rinsing off before climbing out. I threw on the dress, pausing briefly to take in my reflection. I pulled my hair back, sitting down on the edge of the tub to braid the top half. That way it would stay out of my eyes, but the bottom part could still curl. I slapped on some make-up, threw some lip gloss in my purse, and headed downstairs.

I let out a sigh of relief as I saw that the car was still in the driveway. If my dad hadn’t left yet, he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. And that meant he wouldn’t notice that the car was gone.

I grabbed the keys from the dish by the door and headed out front, pulling up my skirt so I didn’t step on it. I had my directions from Map Quest and I started off down the road.

It was weird to be driving again. I barely ever had the car, so I had gotten used to sitting in the passenger’s seat and watching the world go by. It was definitely different to be the one behind the wheel. But I liked it. Before long, I had the radio blaring and I felt at home as I cruised down the road.

As I neared the church, I reached over to turn down the music. The whole neighborhood was beautiful – the little church, and the cute Victorian houses, and the trees, all draped in a layer of snow. The wrought iron fence around the church completed the picture, making it seem like something off a holiday greeting card.

The parking lot next to the church was full, so I parked a short ways down the street. I was glad I'd decided to wear my dressy boots as I waded through a small snow bank to reach the main steps. An usher opened the door for me, and I recognized him from pictures as one of Nathan's college buddies. He gave no sign of recognizing me, just giving me a quick once over before motioning me inside.

"Are you a friend of the bride or the groom?" another man asked.

"Groom," I replied breathlessly. He motioned to another usher who escorted me down the aisle.

Glancing around the church, I was surprised when I didn't see anyone I knew. I mean, I recognized a few people, but they'd have no reason to know me. I sat where the boy indicated, a decent distance away from the other people in the row. I was right on the aisle, so I could have a good view of the ceremony if I just leaned out a little.

I barely had time to open my program before I saw Nathan escorting Tom and Mara down the aisle. A moment later, another woman moved down the aisle – Gabby’s mom, I assume. A tall, redheaded boy walked with them. Glancing at my program, I confirmed that he was Gabby’s brother, Henry. The music began to play, and I stood with everyone else, turning towards the back of the church.

The bridesmaids began to emerge, one by one, in beautiful blue dresses. Each dark blue dress glittered with tiny white jewels that sparkled as they caught the light. They all looked so happy, walking down the aisle with a small bouquet of flowers. I couldn’t help wondering if I would ever get to be in a wedding like that. The way my life was going, it wasn’t likely.

Finally, the four girls had reached the front of the church. A young girl, probably four or five, made her way down the aisle, stopping every three pews to drop a handful of petals on the ground. I watched her make her way to the front of the church and stop, looking inside her basket before turning it over and shaking it. It was obvious that she had run out of flowers, and that it was upsetting her. The maid of honor, Cassie was the next person down the aisle. She bent down to grab the little girl’s hand and led her up to her spot before taking her own position directly across from the best man.

And now Gabby was walking down the aisle. Her dress was long, flowing, and very white. It looked amazing against her red hair, which was hanging loose down her back. I could hear everyone in the audience holding their breath, in awe of her beauty. I was happy for Nathan – he deserved someone as obviously in love with him as she was.

The girl kissed her father on the cheek before lifting her dress slightly to walk up the steps. Nathan held out his arm and she wrapped her hand around it. Together they walked up to meet the priest and I sat with the rest of the congregation.

It was weird, being inside a church. I really did admire the beauty – I could understand why people came here weekly. But it didn’t do anything for me. I’d gotten over the idea of God long ago. Maybe he was out there, but he sure wasn’t interested in me. Why would he let everything go wrong in my life, if he really was paying attention?

I turned my attention back to the front of the church. The ceremony seemed to take a while – or maybe it was the right amount of time, and I just wasn’t used to weddings. There was a lot of standing and sitting and listening. The minister – priest – whatever – was really good, in my - limited - opinion. He made the ceremony interesting, even for someone like me who hadn’t been in on the blooming of their relationship. When we reached the exchanging of vows, I gave a sigh of relief. This part I recognized.

And then it was over. Before I had totally processed what was happening, there was a loud cheering that spread throughout the church and Nathan and Gabby were pulling apart and making their way back down the aisle. They both wore huge grins, and I couldn’t help smiling with them. And then the bridesmaids and groomsmen were following them out the doors, and I got my first glimpse of Seth.

I was a little disappointed when I couldn’t really see him. As the best man he was escorting Cassie, and she blocked my view of him in all her gorgeousness. I did get a good glimpse of her grip on his arm, and I forced myself not to care. It was a wedding, after all. This was what was supposed to happen.

As the rest of the wedding party left the church, the congregation gradually began to disperse. I fit myself in to the crowd, joining the flow of people out the aisle and into the street. I waited a moment, trying to see if any of the Damon family was coming out of the church anytime soon. I didn’t see anyone, and finally the cold got to me. With one last glance over my shoulder, I headed back to my car.