Living for the Music

I managed to slip out one of the side doors without running into Jared or anyone else I knew. I could feel the tears in my eyes, and once I reached the car I let them come out. I wasn’t exactly sure why things were affecting me so much. I should be used to Seth pissing me off. And I mean, there were always circles I wouldn’t fit in to. This really wasn’t anything new.

I forced myself to calm down enough to drive home. Dying in a car crash would really be the icing on the cake. I finally pulled out of the parking lot, kicking off my heels and letting my hair fall loose. I was done acting like someone I wasn’t.

I pulled out my iPod and began blaring my music. I wanted to roll down my window and complete the picture with the wind roaring through my hair, but I wasn’t going to risk hypothermia. So I settled for pressing the gas a little harder.

When I reached my house, it was dark outside. I took a minute to wipe off my mascara before sliding my shoes back on a heading inside. I heard noise in the kitchen and winced. I guess my dad hadn’t been passed out for as long as I’d hoped. “Sophia?” he called. “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” I replied warily.

I saw him appear in the doorway. “Where have you been?” he demanded.

“Out,” I replied, putting the keys back in the dish.

“What’ve you been doing that takes you three hours?”

Six, I thought, but I had the sense not to say it aloud. “Nothing. Just out with some people.”

He didn’t seem to buy it, but continued inspecting me carefully. I couldn’t help flinching under his gaze. His eyes narrowed and I quickly began talking as he opened his mouth. “I’m going upstairs. It’s been a long night.”

Once I reached the safety of my room I tore off the black dress that had seemed so perfect earlier. I threw on a pair of old sweats and a ragged t-shirt and crawled into bed. The Damon’s house was still dark, and I knew they’d be out for a while still. I curled into a ball and let myself sleep. There was nothing better to do.

Seth looked at me with scorn and hatred in his eyes. “Why would I be friends with you?” he snarled.

“Because-” I stopped, unable to come up with a good reason that didn’t make me seem like a snob.

“Exactly,” he hissed. “You’re nothing, Sophia. There are hundreds of girls out there and they’re all better than you.”

“You don’t mean that,” I whispered.

“I do. You’re a loner, a loser with no friends. Aaron only puts up with you because you let him shove you around. You-”

“Stop!” I cried. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my hands to my ears. ‘You’re not saying that. This is just a dream. This-”

Someone wrenched my hands off my ears. “Don’t try to hide from me,” a voice hissed.

I opened my eyes, horrified, to see that Seth had morphed into Aaron. There was hatred in his eyes, and I backed up, only to find myself at the edge of the cliff. I felt my heart beat a little faster as I realized where I was. This was the same place Seth and I had stopped for hot chocolate, only now the river was moving, and the fall seemed father. There would be nothing to stop me if I fell.

“You’re worthless, Sophia,” he yelled. ‘No one needs you. No one wants you.”

I shook my head. “No. You’re lying. I-”

“Why would I lie to you?” he asked harshly. “You think I care enough to come up with something?”

“You’re just a big bully,” I whispered. “You have nothing on me.”

His eyes darkened in an expression I knew all to well. I braced myself, but his shove sent me flying off the edge. I felt the wind whipping through my hair and prepared myself for the impact-

My eyes flew open as I woke with the feeling of having fallen into my bed. I took a deep, shuddering breath, blinking back the tears that had formed in my eyes. It was just a dream. Seth hadn’t really said those things to me. He didn’t think that… did he?

I hated the doubt the nightmare had put into my head, but after the way Seth had acted at the wedding it seemed like anything was possible. I didn’t think he’d actually say something like that, but…

I was startled out of my thoughts as a car honked outside. I glanced out the window in time to see Seth run out to the car, throwing a suitcase in the trunk and hoping in the backseat without a second glance. The car roared away and I felt my heart sink a little. They were going out of towns for the holidays, and no one had thought to tell me. I’d be alone for Christmas again. It wasn’t a huge surprise, but a part of me had been hoping I would be invited to have an actual holiday with the Damon’s.

I shook my head, forcing myself to get over it. I’d survive. I squinted up at the sun, trying to figure out what time it was. I pulled the shade back down and crawled in to bed. It didn’t really matter. I was tired. I had nothing to do. I was going back to sleep.