Living for the Music

A half-hour in, Mara knocked on the door. Seth jerked slightly, glancing around before pausing the movie. “Tom and I are going to go,” she informed us.

“Go where?” I asked, confused.

“Oh, we’re going to a little party at a friend’s house. We probably won’t be back until late – after midnight, at least.”

“Oh.” I digested this latest piece of news. “Okay, I guess. Have a good time.”

Mara laughed. “Oh, don’t worry about us, Sophia. You guys have fun.”

“But not too much fun,” Tom called from the hallway.

Mara laughed. I rolled my eyes silently, ignoring the implication in his words. Seth shook his head and played the video again. “See you later, Mom.”

“Bye,” I added. I grabbed another slice of pizza, not watching the screen as the two main characters became involved in a, well, a very steamy scene. I couldn’t help wishing Seth would do something, say something to laugh it off like he used to in junior high. He didn’t, but the scene finished quickly and I was able to go back to watching.

A while later, I found myself huddled a lot closer to Seth than I had been before. I gave a small shriek as Ben took a punch to the face and Seth smiled at me gently. “Come here,” he murmured, holding open his arms.

I scooted a little closer to him, burying my head in his shoulder. I could still hear the movie, but it was nowhere near as bad. The sound seemed unattached to reality – it needed the visuals to make it seem real.

As the scene faded out, I made to pull away, but Seth kept his arm wrapped around me. I didn’t struggle very hard, but made myself comfortable next to him. I was able to watch the rest of the movie without being overly conscious of the boy next to me – except for the few times I had to close my eyes.

When the movie finally finished, Seth stretched his arms over his head before standing up to flip off the DVD player. The TV channel was showing a picture of Times Square, lit up and jam packed with people. The glowing clock still claimed there was an hour left until 2009.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked.

I shrugged. “We don’t have time to watch another movie.”

“Obviously,” he replied dryly. “I was looking for something else to do. You know, since we have a while until midnight.”

I stood up and wandered across the hall to Seth’s room. My eyes fell on the guitar in the corner. “I have an idea.”

“Yeah?” He followed me into the room, scanning it quickly as I fell onto the bed.

“Yeah. How about you play for me?”

“What?”

“Play your guitar. I know you’ve been working on some new stuff. I want to hear it.”

“I don’t really have any new stuff,” he mumbled.

“Sure you do,” I laughed. “You’re always working on something. You think I haven’t put together what’s in that black binder?”

He blushed slightly. “Fine. I don’t have anything good enough to play.” I pouted slightly as he readjusted his words.

“You’ve gotta have something,” I pressed. “Please?”

Seth seemed to be debating with himself. He finally moved over and took the guitar off the stand, holding it carefully. “There is this one song… well, it’s not mine, it’s a cover, but I changed the lyrics so it’s kind of-”

“Perfect,” I interrupted. “Let’s hear it.”

He looked like he was mad at himself for suggesting it. I shook my head, spotting his binder on the desk. I leaned across the bed and grabbed it, but knew better than to open it without permission. Hadn’t Seth gotten the silent treatment for days when he did that?

“Is it in here?” I asked. He glanced over at me and nodded. “Can I at least look at it?”

He sighed. “I guess I have to let you, huh?”

“Well, no… but I’d really like it.”

Seth grabbed the binder from me and flipped through the pages. He carefully folded the book so you couldn’t see anything else and handed it to me. I read through the words, carefully printed in Seth’s handwriting, as he strummed and opening chord and began to sing softly.

Perfect by Simple Plan - Words by Seth Damon
Hey, you, look at me
Come on, please talk to me.
Did I grow up the way you’d expect?
And do you think I’m wasting my time
Trying to fix our old mistakes
Cause it hurts when you don’t seem
To care

I glanced over at Seth, but he was absorbed in his guitar. Or maybe he was just ignoring me. Either way, he wasn’t paying attention. But he kept singing, which was all I cared about.

“I’m never gonna be good enough for you,” he sang, “I can’t pretend that that’s all right.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it just as quickly. If I wanted to hear this, I’d have to save my criticism, or risk never hearing him play again. I resumed scanning the lyrics.

I know we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I wasn’t worth it
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be

I stopped, staring at the last word. It had been written, then crossed out multiple times. Next to it, in a different pen color was scrawled ‘perfect.’ I couldn’t help wondering what he had written before that he obviously hadn’t liked. I held it up at an angle to catch the light and caught a glimpse of the letter ‘A,’ but I couldn’t make out anything else.

“I try not to think about the way it used to be,” Seth sang.

I joined in on a little bit of harmony at the next line. “All the days you spent with me, now seem so far away. And it feels like you don’t care anymore.”

Seth glanced at me in surprise, but never missed a beat. I bit my lip, glancing down at the paper. I didn’t try to join in on the chorus, or the bridge. But I followed every single word, mesmerized by the song.

When the finally verse came, I couldn’t help singing. This was the happy ending. This was the part I needed to believe in. “We didn’t lose it all. We could last forever. Just pretend we were worth it.”

Seth shot me another look as I changed his lyrics, but I couldn’t tell whether he was mad or just surprised. “It’s not to late, we could go back and pretend that life is perfect.”

He finished off the song with a bit of stylizing and some fancy harmony chords. I fell back on the bed, staring at the page. This was good. I could…

I forced myself to slow down my thoughts. This was Seth’s song. I needed to talk to him before I did any of my own rearranging. He hit a few more chords, obviously trying to hit something, before throwing the guitar onto the bed next to him. “So, the end isn’t perfect, but… yeah.”

I guess I was quiet for a moment too long because he began to fidget. “If you don’t like it, Sophie-”

“No!” I interrupted, pushing myself up on my elbows so I could look him in the face. “It’s good, Seth. Really. I like the lyrics, and you added some really cool harmony. It sounds even better than the original, and you know I love the original.”

“Really?” he asked, not seeming to register the compliment. “I don’t think it’s all that good. It could use a lot of work still.”

I rolled my eyes, suddenly understanding how he’d felt the day of the contest entry. “Do me a favor, Seth? Give yourself a bit more credit.”

He shrugged. “I’m just being honest with myself, Sophie.”

I groaned softly and changed the subject. “What was this supposed to be?” I pointed to the scratched out spot in the lyrics.

Seth glanced at the paper and shook his head. “Nothing. It was just kind of a gut reaction, and it didn’t end up fitting with the song. Like, at all. Well, it fit, but it wouldn’t have made sense to anyone else. Well, other than-” He seemed to physically bite his tongue. “I’m rambling. Ignore me.”

I laughed softly, but I ended up being more mystified than I had been at the beginning. I opened my mouth to ask one more question, but my phone interrupted me.