Living for the Music

I jerked awake, panting slightly. I didn’t know what had happened, whether it was a dream or reality, but I was scared. I clutched me knees to my chest and curled up in a corner of the bed.

I was in Nathan’s room. Well, it had been Nathan’s room, until he moved out to the garage. Now it served as a guest room, but there were still pieces of him there – ‘decorative’ paint splotches on the ceiling, some paintings still on the wall. But Mara had cleaned it up, and it didn’t have the same homeliness that had been there when Nathan lived there. The dim light coming in through the window sent long shadows dancing across the floor, and they could be hiding… anything.

I don’t know how long I sat there, huddled in my protective ball, trying to control my breathing. When the door opened, I physically jumped, staring at the figure standing there.

“You’re awake.” Seth sounded surprised, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t a morning person, much less a 4 in the morning person.

“What’re you doing here?” I muttered.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied lightly.

“Me either.”

“Come on downstairs. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

I laughed quietly. That had been our magic drink when we were younger. Hot cocoa had made everything better. Even now, it was worth moving for. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and waited a moment before standing up. To my surprise, there was no wave of black dizziness as I followed Seth down the stairs.

Seth rummaged around in a cupboard, finally pulling out two mugs. He filled them both with water and stuck them in the microwave. “We’re gonna do this the quick way.”

I laughed quietly as I gingerly sat down on the edge of a chair. A few moments later, Seth handed me a mug of deep brown chocolate, topped with whipped cream, marshmallows, and chocolate sprinkles.

“Just how you like it, right?” Seth laughed, poking my stomach painfully.

I winced, letting out a low gasp of pain. “What?” Seth asked worriedly.

“Nothing,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

“Sophie…”

“I’m just sore.”

“Let me see.”

I protested, but his eyes were firm. I slowly pulled the hem of my shirt up to reveal my stomach. Seth hissed through his teeth. “That bad, huh?” I sighed.

“I’m going to kill him,” he muttered.

I fell silent as last night came rushing back. “What else did he do to you?” Seth asked.

I shook my head, dropping my shirt over my bruised ribs and clutching my mug of hot chocolate. “Sophie, I need to know,” Seth pressed.

I stared down at my mug, trying not to hear what he was saying. “Sophia.”

Seth’s hand reached out to cup my chin, forcing me to look at him.

“He… he didn’t do that much.” My voice was unconvincing, even to me. “He… he kicked me around a little. He – he threatened me… called me names…”

Seth’s face tightened. “Why?”

“Because I wouldn’t… didn’t let him… you know.”

Seth seemed puzzled, but I couldn’t bring myself to explain further. Suddenly, his grip on my hand tightened and I knew he understand. “Did he?” Seth’s voice was soft, but hard. “Did he try to... force you?”

“He tried,” I whispered. “But… I pushed him away. So he started hurting me instead.”

I couldn’t tell Seth all the things he had accused me of, all the names he had called me. Seth didn’t push me. He reached out and took my hand, squeezing it comfortingly. I felt the tears prick my eyes again as the memories flashed through my mind on constant replay.

“It’s okay, Sophie,” Seth murmured, coming around the table to wrap his arms around me. “I’ve got you.”

I buried my face in his chest and let myself cry. His hands stroked my hair, comforting, and he made low noises, meaningless sounds designed to keep me calm. I had cried alone for so long I had forgotten what it felt like to have someone comforting me. I had forgotten how good it felt – as if he was sharing my pain. For the first time, I began to feel like maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t alone in this.