Living for the Music

“You okay?” Seth whispered awhile later.

I sniffed and nodded, lifting my head. Seth reached out and wiped my tears with his thumb and I felt my eyes well up all over again. He was being so nice. Much nicer than I deserved. “Thanks,” I whispered. I heard my voice crack, but pretended I didn’t.

“No problem,” he murmured, still keeping his hand on my hand. “You tired?”

I nodded, trying to stifle my yawn. I took a gulp of my hot chocolate (which was actually quite cool by now) and forced myself to stand up, ignoring the protest from my stiff muscles.

Seth winced with me. “Do you want some Ibuprofen?” he asked. “God, I’m sorry, I should’ve asked that right away.”

“Sure,” I muttered.

“I assume the hospital is out?” he sighed. “Cause you know that would be the best thing for you.”

“No,” I repeated. “I’m fine.”

Seth shook his head, sighing before handing me two small pills. I threw them back with another swig of hot chocolate. After one more deep breath to steady myself, I began to move back down the hall. I paused at the foot of the stairs, glancing at them in horror. There was no way I would be able to make it all the way up.

“Sophie?” I turned to look at Seth. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep with me? I mean, not with me, but in my room? You could have the bed – I’d be fine on the coach. And you wouldn’t have to try to walk all the way upstairs…”

“Yeah,” I murmured. “I think that would be a good idea. I mean, if it works for you and all.”

“Yeah, it’s totally fine,” he assured me. “It’ll actually make me feel better, in a way.”

“Okay,” I smiled at him before turning the corner towards his room.

I crawled awkwardly into the bed, very conscious of the fact that I was in a boy’s room, in a boy’s bed. My breathing grew slightly ragged as I remembered what had happened the last time I’d been in a room like this.

Before I could totally freak out, I heard a familiar song begin to play. I turned to see Seth messing around with his iPod. He turned and caught me watching him. “What?”

“Nothing,” I sighed, snuggling down deeper into the bed.

“Okay,” he shrugged. “Um… well, I put on a mellow playlist, so you should be able to sleep. I’ll be right across the hall if you need anything.”

“Seth!” My throat tightened as he disappeared into the darkness.

“What?” His head popped back into view. “You okay?”

“Will you stay?” I whispered. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He looked torn, glancing between me and the door. “Please?” I whispered.

He sighed and nodded. Shutting the door, he moved across the room towards me before pausing awkwardly at the side of the bed. I could tell, looking around the room, that there wasn’t really anywhere left to sleep.

“You can sleep here,” I suggested tentatively. “The bed’s big enough…”

“You sure? I don’t want you to be… uncomfortable.” I could hear the awkwardness in his words, and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. But I really didn’t want to be alone.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s fine.”

“Well…” Seth finally gave in and crawled into bed next to me.

I was careful to stay on my side, trying not to make him uncomfortable. I heard the music still playing in the background and vaguely recognized the song ‘Chemistry of a Car Crash’ off the CD I had given Seth for Christmas. I felt a surge of happiness run through me. He had listened to it, and he had liked it.

I felt myself drifting off, comforted by the sound of Seth’s breathing. I barely noticed myself slowly moving towards him, drawn to his warmth. I felt him stretch and rest his hand lightly on my waist. He must be asleep, my sleep clouded brain reasoned. And if he was asleep, then I could move closer and he wouldn’t care. Well, he wouldn’t know, but that worked, too.

With that thought in mind, I snuggled up against Seth’s body. It was warm, much warmed than my blanket. I let out a quiet sigh, content. There was nothing to worry about.

I imagined Seth’s grip on my waist grow tighter. I knew he’d be okay with this. The song in my dream changed, and I recognized this new one, too. I let the music play, letting it lull me deeper into my trance. Suddenly, I felt something shift behind me, and felt a warm breath on my ear. That almost tickled… but it still felt good.

“Seasons are changing and waves are crashing and stars are falling all for us.” I heard a low voice over the music, murmuring softly along with the singer. “I can show you I’ll be the one.”

That’s pretty, I thought, letting my thoughts run again. I was too tired to try to control them. I wonder what it’s supposed to mean… this is a pretty boring dream.

I gave one last attempt to shut off my thoughts and I let myself relax. I would be okay.

I woke up slowly the second time. I blinked puzzledly, trying to figure out where I was and why I was so… happy. I moved to sit up, only to feel a hand tighten on my waist.

I managed to turn my head enough to see Seth laying there, hair adorably mussed. I let myself smile for a moment before the events of the previous night came rushing back. Aaron… and Seth… and hot chocolate. I winced as I realized how needy I had been. Seth must think I was pathetic.

I glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was only 6:00. I had enough time to get out of here before Seth woke up and realized his mistake. I slid out from under Seth’s hand and slipped off the bed. His hand groped for a minute before grabbing a pillow and pulling it closer. I smiled wryly at how easily I was replaced.

I moved out to the hall and slid on my boots, glancing around for a minute before I realized I had no jacket. I took a deep breath and slid out the door, running as quickly as possible towards my house. I was relieved to find the door unlocked. My dad must have come home sometime last night. I slid inside, forcing myself to not look back.