Six Feet Under The Stars

I didn’t quite understand the science behind my test. I knew that the doctor needed to take a sample of my skin and I knew that this would then be sent off for testing. The testing was to find out if I had the familial MND gene and if I did well that wasn’t great news.

Before I had my skin removed from my arm I had to have a basic health check. The doctor took my blood pressure whilst I was sitting, standing and lying down, he checked my reflexes and did a quick balance test. It was the sort of experience I would probably have to start getting used to.

Colby and I had decided that we would do our skin samples together, for moral support more than anything. I was terrified of needles and this was a scalpel we were talking about; the doctor was actually going to slice off a small layer of my skin.

I shuddered at the thought as I subconsciously rubbed at my right forearm.

“You’re not going to pass out on me are you?” Colby whispered to me as I observed the doctor getting together everything he needed.

I shook my head, “No, why?”

“You just look really pale,” I averted my eyes from the doctor and smiled gently.

“If you were me you’d look pale too.”

Colby laughed, “I don’t know why you’re so scared.” I raised an eyebrow at this, “I mean that it’s not as if you’ll even be able to feel it he’s going to numb your arm first you wimp.”

I mock gasped and punched him in the shoulder as the doctor took his seat opposite me. He was fairly young looking for a doctor who was supposedly the best in his field. His hair was dark brown in colour and there wasn’t a single grey hair in sight.

He grinned at me and I attempted a smile back but I only succeeded in a painful grimace.

“Okay Bracken if you just place your arm here, we’ll get started.”

I placed my arm along the sterilised table he had pointed at and took a deep breath, sucking that retched smell into my lungs. I looked towards Colby and took his hand squeezing it tightly as the doctor sprayed some more anaesthetic onto my bare skin.

“Can you feel this?” he asked a few moments later and I shook my head gripping my brothers hand a little tighter. The second the doctor picked up the scalpel I started breathing heavily, the sound of the metal being pulled from its plastic casing was enough to send me into a panic attack.

Colby ran him thumb softly over my hand in an attempt to calm me down and to some effect it worked, right up until I felt the scalpel cutting through my skin. It wasn’t that it was painful, in fact it didn’t hurt one bit but I could still feel it running along my skin and I knew that it was a scalpel so I imagined what it would have felt like.

“Owwwww.”

“Shut up Bracken, that doesn’t hurt,” Colby scolded and I pouted with my eyes still closed tightly. I heard the scalpel being placed down before a plaster was ripped from its packaging.

“Okay all done.”

I released a breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding and opened my eyes to look down at my arm. A rather large flesh coloured plaster had been placed over my wound and I felt my eyes widen at the size of it. How large had the skin sample been?

“Okay keep this dry for at least a week, change the dressing at least twice a week and you should receive your results in about two weeks,” the doctor rattled off and I hoped that Colby had been paying better attention than I had.

I couldn’t believe that I would know if I had a life threatening gene in two weeks, it seemed so surreal. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know if I had the damned thing or not and I certainly didn’t think I wanted to know so soon.

Maybe if I were older it would be different. I would certainly want to know if I had it before I decided to have children because I wouldn’t want to pass it on to them but until then I was happy living in the dark. I didn’t want to be living in limbo.

Colby and I had swapped seats and he was now being prepped for his sample to be taken. He seemed to be taking it a lot better than I had, his breathing was perfectly even and his eyes were wide open, watching the doctor with interest. “Ready?”

Colby nodded enthusiastically and cheered when the doctor started to slice at his skin. “Woo, look at this sis, how cool is that?”

He knew full well I was squeamish but he also knew that I was far too inquisitive for my own good. I quickly glanced over and squealed averting my eyes as quickly as I could. Colby was laughing as I tried to rid the image of the flap of skin that was half removed from my brother’s arm. There had been little blood but it was still enough to send my stomach into cartwheels.

Less than two minutes later Colby was done and we were leaving the examination room hand in hand.

To some the relationship Colby and I shared was a little too close but like I told those who mentioned it, we had shared a tiny space for nine months and we had been bathed together until the age of three. We honestly couldn’t have turned out any other way.

Of course it helped that we were almost the same person in two different bodies.

“How was it?” dad asked handing me my jacket and I shook my head forcing down a mouthful of air. I felt queasy and was sure that if I didn’t get some fresh air soon I would be sick.

“It was nothing, you could only feel something grazing your arm and dad, you should have seen the skin flap it was so cool.”

I shook my head at his typical male attitude.

“It was not at all cool,” I corrected giving Colby a quick pinch in the side. “It was horrific and it hurt and if I ha-“

“How did it hurt, you were anesthetised,” Colby exclaimed and I mimicked him childishly. “You’re such a girl.”

I pulled a particularly unattractive face and made a rude hand gesture, “Well thank you for realising bro, it’s only been sixteen years you moron.”