Six Feet Under The Stars

When I first thought of my plan I must have been eleven. I had been thinking about what would happen for months and everything just seemed to click one day. In my childish mind it was perfect and one hundred percent foolproof, no one could ever find out what I did. It was about a week later when I realised that actually eventually my lie would come back to bite me in the ass.

“ Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that's ours!”

“You must have seen this episode a million times.”

With a grin I passed the remote control to my father before uncurling my legs from beneath me, “I’ve seen every episode a million times, dad.”

He nodded as I stood up. Friends was without a doubt my favourite show and recently it had been the only thing that could keep me from chewing off my own arm in guilt. Since deceiving both my father and my brother I had become somewhat a recluse, choosing to stay at home instead of going out with friends or helping with the shopping.

I would be starting college after the summer too and all my plans to get new clothes and all the required supplies had been put well on hold; I just couldn’t handle a day out with anyone who knew me.

“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” I mumbled before I left the lounge and headed for the stairs. It must have been obvious that something was the matter, every time someone entered the room I was in I would find an excuse to leave it; but I was just so paranoid that one of them would see through my facade.

“Bracken, could you come here for a moment please?”

I groaned silently but followed my father’s request. My heart was beating rapidly against my ribcage and I could feel the sweat beginning to form on my brow. The paranoia I had been feeling for the last few weeks was at a peak and I found myself worrying that my father had found the real letter from the hospital.

And to be honest I was more worried about the real result of my test than how he would react.

“What is it?” I asked a little breathless.

He patted the seat of the couch where I had been seated only moments ago and waited as I walked to take it. I tried to regain control of my breathing and heart rate only to fail miserably.

I watched as my father sat forward and clasped his hands together. His position reminded me of the time he and my mother tried to give Colby and I the sex talk.

He took a deep breath before looking at me closely, “Bee, I found these in your room and I just-“

I held up my hand to halt him. Before she died my mother always made sure I would be prepared for life without a female figure around the house. She made sure I knew about several different types of contraception and to save me the embarrassment of asking my father she took me to the doctors and had me put on a birth control pill.

To save myself embarrassment I always went to the family planning clinic as opposed to our family doctor, and every time you visited them they gave you a huge bag of condoms; just to be on the safe side.

Now I wasn’t even having sex; I didn’t even have a boyfriend but it was nice knowing that the protection against pregnancy was there. And with the condoms so was the threat about sexually transmitted infections.

“Dad, relax,” I told him as I took the bag out of his hands. “I am not using these, it’s just that whenever I go to get my pill I get given a whole load and well usually I give them to Cole.”

He seemed to relax at this about the same time I did. If that was all my father wanted to talk about I was counting my lucky stars; sex talks I could deal with.

“Okay that’s good, that’s good.”

I laughed softly before excusing myself once again and starting up the stairs, the image of my horrified father replaying in my mind.

If he got worried about that I could only imagine what would come of the lie I told.