Sometimes You Are Wrong.

“Ed, what’s wrong with you lately?” Alex asked, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.
“Nothing really major, it’s just…” Ed replied, prising Alex’s grip away from his waist.
“Just what?” Alex inquired, cocking his head to one side.
“I’ve been hearing rumours and stuff…” Ed muttered back, suddenly finding his filthy Converse remarkably fascinating.
“Oh Ed, I told you not to pay any attention to that crap!” Alex exclaimed, pulling his shorter companion into a warm embrace.
“Hey, just hear me out, would you?” Ed asked, looking up at Alex “They’re different to all the others…” He nuzzled his head into Alex’s chest, finding comfort in doing so. Alex raised a brown eyebrow at Ed then paused, waiting for him to continue.
“They said you were cheating.” Ed murmured into Alex’s chest, closing his eyes to block out any tears that decided they make a dash for his cheeks. Alex froze, his arms still around Ed’s shoulders. He blinked slowly a few times before lightly stroking Ed’s raven black hair.
“They’re all lies, babe, all lies written by some jealous bastard, that’s all.” Alex assured Ed, and the elder smiled weakly up at his taller bandmate. Alex knew then that Ed had believed him and wouldn’t argue any longer. He took hold of Ed’s hand and led him towards the tour bus, which was parked across the car park from where they were.
When they entered, they saw Dan and Teddy seated on the small sofa, Dan reading a magazine over his older brother’s shoulder. One of the stories featured on the front was a kiss-and-tell. The subject? Alex Davies. It was an interview with the band’s ex-keyboardist, Ali. He’d been thrown out because he’d been stirring up trouble between Ed and Alex. Truth be told, Ed had struggled a little when Ali wasn’t around, and so got annoyed a lot easier. It was starting to affect Ed and Alex’s relationship. As soon as Teddy saw them both, he slammed the magazine shut and shoved it into Dan’s grasp, hoping to pass the blame. Ed sighed and dropped Alex’s hand, stalking off to the bunk area. Alex glared at the brothers and followed Ed.
Alex tiptoed through the bunk area, listening for any sign of life. The curtain was pulled shut on Ed’s bunk, and when Alex listened carefully, he could hear Ed’s gentle breathing, punctuated by an occasional whimper. Alex gently pulled the curtain back and saw Ed sitting on the thin mattress, knees held close to his chest, forehead resting atop them.
“You okay?” Alex asked softly, his eyebrows lowering. Ed shook his head in reply. Alex leant against the wall and looked across at his Japanese boyfriend. Ed looked over at him and glared, his brown eyes unnaturally angry.
“You think I don’t know what’s been going on?” He murmured, looking back down at his feet. Alex raised an eyebrow at him, honestly wondering what he meant. Ed stretched his legs out and stared at his younger boyfriend. Still glaring, he stood up and leant against the wall beside Alex.
“You think I don’t know what you do every night.” Ed whispered. His voice was laced with a mixture of defeat and resentment. Alex swallowed nervously, maintaining the eye contact so as to not look guilty.
“Every night without fail, when you think I’m asleep. You think I won’t notice. You think that I won’t wake up and realise. Well you thought wrong.” Ed blinked away a few tears.
“What are you talking about?” Alex asked quietly.
“You know what I’m talking about!” Ed shouted back, giving up with blinking away the tears. Alex looked at him, slightly concerned.
“You go in the middle of the night, when you think everyone’s asleep, and then when you come back in the morning, you smell of him!” Ed sobbed, his voice cracking.
“How do you know what the hell he smells like?” Alex exclaimed, hoping to stop Ed’s rant.
“I shared a room with him for three years Alex, how could I not?” Ed whimpered in reply, making a feeble attempt to wipe away his tears “Now tell me how long you were lying…” Alex’s jaw dropped and he felt tears prickle his eyes. He remained silent, staring across at his boyfriend.
“Just say it already!” Ed exclaimed, tears streaming over his cheeks.
“I’ve never lied to you!” Alex yelled back, tears beginning to touch his cheeks.
“What about every time you told me you loved me? Or were you just pretending I was him?” Ed bawled back, sobbing between breaths. Alex broke down, tears trickling down his cheeks.
“You always make these problems. And I don’t think you quite understand what you’ve built with these lies.” Ed’s voice was barely there, and it was cracking with every syllable.
“It was an accident I even knew him, why would I love him over you?” Alex replied. He was properly crying now, not just a few weedy tears.
“Just tell me how long you’ve been lying to me!” Ed was getting annoyed now, and it was doing his heart no favours. “You’ve been relying on your lies for too long now and you need to see how wrong this relationship feels to me right now!” Alex stared downwards, sobs shaking his skinny frame, tears running over his cheeks. Every word Ed said made Alex’s heart split into several hundred pieces. He recoiled at every sentence, almost as if Ed’s words were bullets that he couldn’t dodge no matter how hard he tried. Because he knew every single phrase was the truth.
Ed finally stopped ranting to gain some air, when Alex decided it was a good time to come clean.
“Ed, I…” He stammered, tears rolling over his cheeks “I can’t lie anymore. You’re right; everything you said is true…” As much as Ed wanted to run over to him and comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay, he couldn’t. Because that’d just be wrong after all he’d said.
“Ed, I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know…” Alex’s sentence petered out, as all pitiful excuses do.
“Don’t bother apologising; it’ll all be another lie to add to your collection. It’s not like anything you say to me means anything anymore.” Ed’s voice had returned to normal, but his speech was interrupted by sniffles. Alex opened his mouth to say something, but Ed beat him to it.
“Just leave me alone.” Ed whimpered, covering his eyes with his fringe. Alex turned around - resisting the urge to run over and hug Ed - and ran from the bus, past the two bemused brothers on the couch and out into the cold night air, into the arms of the last person on Earth he wanted to see.
But then, right now all Alex needed was a hug, and he didn’t care who it was from. The walls that were his life had collapsed on him and he was struggling to breathe.
When he finally came to his senses, he realised who he was crying on. He shoved Ali in the chest, and the younger cocked his head to one side, questioning his companion.
“You’re the biggest mistake of my life!” Alex wept, tears rolling over his cheeks. Ali remained silent, staring blankly at Alex.
“You don’t get it, do you?” Alex cried, doing nothing to stop himself sobbing “This isn’t just a little problem, this is… this is huge…”
“And you’re taking it out on me, why?” Ali asked. His voice was unnaturally soft.
“Because you’re the reason this problem even exists!” Alex screamed back. Ali backed away slightly. He’d never seen Alex this angry, and it was starting to scare him.
“So it’s my fault you didn’t come clean with him the first three times he asked?” Ali replied, raising an eyebrow “I’m not the one that told you to fuel your relationship with lies.” He turned on his heel and stalked away into the night, leaving Alex alone. He dropped to his knees, slumping against the oversized wheels of the tour bus. Soft sobs shook his skinny frame as he buried his face in his hands, quietly cursing himself under his breath.
He knew Ed wouldn’t forgive him any time in the next millennium, so he didn’t see the point in even trying to talk to him.
For all Alex knew, he’d probably never forgive himself either.