A Friend

“Jamie,” Hanna whispered, and walked over to her side. Jamie, there was no doubt she knew we were there, rolled over and faced away from us. Hanna and I exchanged looks.
“Is it him, Jamie?”
She violently shook her head. We were silent for a second.
“Don’t you understand,” started Jamie quietly, “I love him, I always have loved him. I want him to love me too. He says he does love me too.”
I sighed.
“You know you can’t believe a word of what comes out of his mouth, Jamie,” I protested, but she sat up and hurled her words at me like a thousand knives.
“SHUTUP! I don’t want a lecture! I don’t need you to tell me that he isn’t worth it, because he is! He may not be MY Will anymore. But he said we were something! I believe him and I don’t CARE what you have to say.”

We were stunned into silence. Jamie has never spoken to anyone like that. She’s never been an angel, and we have had a fair few fights in our time – but the way she looked at me. She was telling me how I could never understand, and yes, I suppose I couldn’t.

“It’s her.”
Those two words echoed around the room after leaving Jamie’s lips. They ricocheted off the walls, as if she had screamed them. But in reality, they were whispered words. Dreaded words. It was almost as if, if she said them, they would become real. No-one wanted that less than Jamie.
“It’s her. He chose her.”

Hanna’s eyes met mine. Often, the three of us had a way of communicating without using words. I knew what Hanna was trying to say. What the hell do we do now? Before we had time to decide, Jamie spoke again.
“I got rid of my bed.” She looked up at us, smiling oddly, “I decided there was too much space. Its outside, in the garden. I’m selling it.”
I stared at her, trying to understand what she was saying. Jamie often said some really strange things when she was upset, she often said some really strange things even when she wasn’t upset. I thought the ‘bed’ thing may just be some metaphorical ploy to distract us from how distraught she really was.

But no. Hanna and I went downstairs to get a drink, shortly after realizing that we were being no help whatsoever, and her old queen size bed was propped up in the back garden. It had a sign saying ‘free’ attached to the side.
“God, she was serious then,” Hanna said turning to face me.
“Yeah,” I replied, still staring at the bed. “Hanna. I’m really worried about her. She was never like this before. What has he done?”
Hanna shook her head. She clearly didn’t know either.
“Well, we have to do something; we can’t leave her on her own. I’m scared she’ll…you know. Do something bad…” I trailed off. We both stared out of the window, until we were aware of a presence behind us. Jamie.

“I’m not going to kill myself,” she sighed as she squashed in between us, “So you don’t need to worry about that.” I smiled slightly. This was more like the Jamie we knew.
“And,” she continued, gesturing to the bed, “I mean, what is the point in holding onto something which never gets used?” The three of us all nodded in agreement. Jamie raised her hand and started to fiddle with a strand of hair.
“Well, other than a sick desire for self abuse, that is,” she murmured under her breath. We both stared at her, in shock.
“God guys, I’m joking!” she laughed at our expressions.

At least she could see the funny side.