All I Want For Christmas

I shiver and pull the blankets tighter to my body, snuggling into them as I open my eyes. My room is surprisingly bright, the thin curtains allowing more light in than usual and this light in particular is very stark. Come to think of it, it’s very quiet, too; there’s no bird song and the cars driving by in the distance sound even more muted than normal…

I sit up, shrugging off the cold, and remove the covers from my body, getting up and going to the window where I peel back the curtains and find to my utter delight that there’s around a foot of snow outside. I laugh softly to myself, seeing this as a good sign for the rest of the day, then turn back to my bed, wondering if it’s worth the effort of crawling back under the covers and attempting to get another hour or so of sleep…

“Jimmy, Jimmy! Santa’s been!”

Duh!

I shake my head and laugh. Of course, there is little point in trying to get back to sleep now that Johnny’s up… I look towards the door, expecting him to appear there any second, and sure enough, he bounces into my room a moment later, his stocking in his hand.

“Hey, you! What did he bring?” I ask as he bounds over to my bed and settles himself amongst the crumpled sheets. He rummages around in the stocking and pulls out a small wrapped gift which, naturally, I already know the contents of. I sit down on the end of the bed and watch as he begins to unwrap it, his eyes glinting with excitement as he bounces up and down.

Tearing the paper away, Johnny reveals the pair of socks that I bought him with the little frogs all over them and separate sections for each toe. He grins broadly, his eyes sparkling as he pulls them on and wiggles his toes.

“Hey! Santa chose well. They look good.”

When Johnny finishes opening the small number of gifts that I stuffed inside his stocking, we make our way into the kitchen and set about making breakfast, using a packet mix to make some fresh blueberry muffins, most of the batter for which Johnny slops on to the counter.

“Oops!” He says, genuine surprise ringing in his voice as he turns slowly to look at me. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and pretends to look guilty, giving his lack of sincerity away by giggling.

“Johnny! We do want to eat some of that in a bit…” I scold, only half joking as I move to get a cloth to clean up the mess.

“Oops!”

“What’s he done now?” Brian asks, yawning as he appears in the doorway.

“‘Thrown your breakfast everywhere… Happy Christmas, mate!”

“You too,” he smiles sleepily, slouching over to the counter and leaning on it as he watches Johnny attack the batter.

“I think you’re done stirring now,” I tell Johnny, thankful of the fact that we’re not aiming for a smooth batter. He looks up at me and pouts, continuing to stir the mixture with his wooden spoon as he focuses on me. “It’s time to put them into the cases so we can bake ‘em… Why don’t you and Brian do that together?”

His eyes light up and he scurries to the cupboard to find a baking sheet on which to place the muffin cases. Brian sets about getting a couple of spoons for transferring the batter to the cases whilst I go to dig some croissants out of the freezer to replace the muffins that we’ve lost to Johnny’s over-eager stirring.

“Hey, careful!” Brian says a minute later, diverting my attention to where Johnny’s already started making a mess of filling the cases. “There’s not gonna be any left to cook at this rate…How about you go look out the window, instead…”

“Why?” Johnny asks curiously, looking at Brian with narrowed eyes.

“Go see for yourself…”

Relinquishing his sticky spoons to Brian, Johnny licks his fingers and moves to the sink, leaning over it and tugging at the cord to pull the blind up. I move to help him, noticing that he’s struggling to reach, and receive an excited squeal as the blind makes way for a view of the snow covered garden outside.

“Yay! Can we go play?” He asks excitedly, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

“Sure, but we’ll have breakfast and maybe open a few presents first, yeah?”

“Okay… Can I go wake Matty up?”

I glance at the clock, a habit I’ve taken up in order to show him that it’s not always an appropriate time to do certain things, and nod to show him that I have given him permission.

“I’ll wake Zee up in a few minutes, okay?” Brian asks and Johnny nods eagerly and bounces away. “He has way too much energy for this time in the morning…”

I just laugh. “Here, let me finish that. You go wake Zack up before Johnny does it for you…”

“What’s to say I’ll be any more gentle?” He asks, winking at me as he hands over the spoons and wanders off.

I shake my head but smile as I finish filling the muffin cases and move to the oven, depositing the tray in its confines before beginning to clear away the numerous bowls and other utensils that Johnny has somehow managed to make use of. The paper-thin walls of this flat mean that I am, once again, treated to the sounds of Matt groaning at Johnny’s rude awakening, as well as the sounds of Johnny’s glee as Matt reluctantly drags himself from his bed.

I hear footsteps making their way towards the bathroom and another, lighter pair approach the kitchen where I am washing a bowl in the sink. I turn momentarily to see Johnny lowering himself to the floor in front of the oven , his eyes trained on the muffins inside as he crosses his legs and makes himself comfortable.

“How long are these going to take?” He asks, his eyes moving to me for the briefest of moments before returning to the muffins and watching them as they begin to rise and take on a slightly darker colour.

“Not long… 15 minutes, maybe…”

He pouts at that. “I’m hungry…” he muses, poking his stomach to prove to me how flat and empty it is.

“I know, me too, but we can’t make them cook any quicker…”

“Matty!” He acknowledges, suddenly distracted as Matt appears in the doorway. I shake my head at him and go to retrieve a wire rack from the cupboard, placing it on the worktop as Matt walks over and ruffles Johnny’s hair.

“Eww, dirty boy! You need a wash…” Matt observes, looking at his hand with distaste etched across his features. He wipes his palm and fingers on his t-shirt and joins me at the sink, grabbing a towel to dry up the items that I wash.

“Are you alright?” I ask, my voice and eyes gentle as I look down at him. I don’t really need to ask, his manner tells me that he’s in better spirits than he was last night, but I wanted to check just so he knows that I’m thinking about him.

He meets my gaze and smiles, nodding his answer. “I’m good. Thanks for last night. It meant a lot to me…”

“I know… I’m there anytime you want me.” Matt nods and smiles again as he takes the sieve from me and begins to dry it. “Where’ve the others got to? Brian’s been gone ages…”

I dry my hands on the corner of the towel that Matt’s holding, then leave the kitchen and head down the hall to Brian and Zacky’s room. I knock lightly on the door in case they’re getting changed or something, and hear hurried movements before I push it open and step into the room. I’m met by a slightly awkward looking Brian, who’s standing rigidly between the two beds, and an uncomfortable looking Zacky who’s still in bed but is awake and resting up on his elbows.

“What are you two doing?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at their suspicious behaviour.

“Erm… Nothing?” Brian says, rubbing the back of his neck in a manner that couldn’t make him look more guilty if he tried.

“Somehow, I’m finding that hard to believe…” I say, folding my arms and looking from one to the other and back again.

“You’ll… find out later.”

At this, Brian shoots Zacky a startled glare which is so fleeting, I wonder if I even saw it at all. The younger boy shrugs it off dismissively, smiling at me in a way that makes him appear, remarkably, even guiltier than Brian.

“I’m gonna hold you to that…” I say, knowing that I’m going to have a hard time trying to force it out of them. “Breakfast’s about ready, are you coming?”

“Yeah, we’ll be through in a minute,” Zacky decides, answering on Brian’s behalf as his friend continues to stand there, an uncertain expression across his face. I nod and walk out, closing the door behind me and beginning to walk away until their whispered voices begin to emerge through the wall.

“Bri, stop looking at me like that! We have to tell him…”

“It’s Christmas day, though. Don’t you think we should wait? We don’t want to ruin the day…”

“He could have found out just now and fuck knows that he’s suspicious of us! He’s not going to let it drop…”

“I know, but- He’s worked really hard to make today special, I don’t want to lay all that work to waste…”

“It’ll be fine, Brian. Trust me…”

“I do trust you…”

“Well, then! Come on, breakfast calls…”

Hearing that, I scurry away, careful to move quietly so as not to alert them to my eavesdropping. I duck into the kitchen, removing the muffins from the oven and testing them with my finger before sliding them off the tray and onto the wire rack to cool.

“Hey, Jim. Do you want a hand with that?” Zacky asks.

“Yeah, take this into the living room. I’m just gonna heat some croissants up. I’ll be in in a minute…”

~*~

Johnny bolts his breakfast down in record time, the sight of his presents under the tree seemingly more than he can stand. He jiggles impatiently as he waits for us to finish, sighing dramatically each time he looks up to find us still eating.

“Johnny, chill out, man!” Zacky laughs through a mouthful of flaky pastry. He and Brian have been giving each other discrete looks the entire time we’ve been eating and Brian’s beginning to seem slightly more at ease.

Johnny pouts and slumps back against the couch in frustration, sighing quietly to himself until Brian stands up to clear away our plates.

“Yay! Pressie time, pressie time!”

“Gimme two minutes, yeah?” Brian asks, as he heads to the door.

“Okay, Bri Bri. Jim, can I be post man, please?” Johnny asks, once again bouncing up and down with excitement as he moves to sit beside the tree, assuming the ‘post man’ role whereby he gets to hand out the presents.

“Yeah, but make sure you give presents to everyone and not all to the same person…”

Johnny nods as Brian returns and lowers himself to the floor where he sits against the couch, his body between Zacky’s legs, something which seems, at least to me in my heightened state of suspicion, to be a slightly odd thing to do...

“Can we start now?” Johnny asks, barely able to contain himself.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Johnny begins to root around under the tree, searching for something for each of us before finally pulling something out for himself. We take it in turns to open our respective gifts, starting with Johnny lest he should explode whilst waiting for someone else to open theirs.

“Oh my God!” He squeals, removing Brian’s watercolour pencils from their wrapping paper. He wastes no time in opening the tin and running his fingers gently over the cylindrical-shaped wood of the pencils inside, seemingly enjoying the feeling of them moving beneath his touch.

“Do you like them?” Brian asks.

“I love them! They’re so cool!” Johnny grins, jumping up and running to Brian before throwing his arms around the older boy’s neck. “Thank you.” Returning to his spot beside the tree, Johnny sits back down and looks at each of each of us briefly before announcing, “The ones you’ve got are all from me. I’ve got you something else as well but I want you to open these all-together…”

We look at each other, curious as to what could be inside the flat packages sitting on our knees, before looking down at the gifts and beginning to unwrap them. I ease my finger under the fold at one end and pull the tape away, opening out the paper and slipping my finger inside. Following my finger into the paper with my eyes, I discover a sheet of thin card which confuses me slightly until I pull it from the wrapping and find to my astonishment that Johnny has drawn a portrait of me. It’s amazing: an accurate graphite sketch with shading and expression that I’m sure even a professional would be proud off.

I look about me at Matt, Brian and Zacky who look to be in similar wonderment to me, before our eyes simultaneously swivel to Johnny who looks uncharacteristically apprehensive as he watches our faces.

“Are they okay?”

“‘Okay’? Johnny, these are awesome!” Matt tells him, glancing over mine and Brian’s shoulders at our pictures and looking over at Zack’s as he holds his up for him to see. “When did you do these?”

“At school… Miss Redfern let me stay inside at break times to get them done…”

“Did she help you?” Zack asks, his eyes wandering over the portrait in his hands.

“No! I did them all by myself!” Johnny replies indignantly.

“Sorry, mate. I didn’t mean to imply that you didn’t… You’re loads better than I thought you were…” he smiles, instantly redeeming himself.

Johnny just grins. He doesn’t need us to say thank you- he’s just received all the praise that he wants and he knows how much we appreciate his works of art- but we thank him anyway, by way of courtesy, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him glow with more pride than he is now.

We move on and Johnny hands out some more presents, opening his first but with a touch more composure than before and it suddenly dawns on me that some of his excitement may well have been in anticipation of our reactions to his gifts. Something twists inside of me as I watch him unwrap his present and I can’t help but feel saddened by the first sign that maturity is beginning to override his youthful charisma and innocence. I sigh quietly but my mood is brightened as Johnny unwraps his gift and giggles delightedly at the contents, thanking Matt then turning his attention to Zacky who has just begun to open the gift in his lap.

“Jim!” He laughs as his eyes fall on the tin that I bought in hope of lessening his use of expletives. It’s one of those ones with a slot in the top that you’re supposed to deposit money into each time you cuss, theoretically giving you incentive to stop. I doubt it will have much effect but, hey, it’s worth a try… I smile pointedly at him and he rolls his eyes but nods in a resigned manner and mumbles, “Alright, alright! I’ll do what I can.”

“Good boy. That’s the spirit…” I tell him, deliberately allowing my voice to sound patronising. Zacky just shakes his head at me, before turning his attention to Brian who has just opened Zacky’s present and is laughing softly at the contents.

“How did you know I wanted some of this?” He asks, apparently quite surprised as he half-turns to look at his friend.

“I don’t know, mate. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my own eyeliner was never quite in the same place I left it… Maybe it had more to do with the evidence that you couldn’t quite get off your face… I dunno, though… ‘Lucky guess?”

“Damn! And I thought I was being clever…”

“I’m too clever for you, dude! You’ll never outsmart me,” he smirks, patting Brian’s head condescendingly. “I’ll show you how to put it on later, if you like… As it stands, you’re not very good at it!”

Brian smiles bashfully at him, then squeezes his friend’s knee and turns back around. We spend at least the next hour opening the rest of our gifts, not because there are that many of them but more because we’re going about doing so in a relaxed manner, taking the time to thank and let each other know how much we appreciate the effort that has been put into choosing our gifts.

When the space beneath the tree is once again empty of presents, we sit for a while just chatting amongst ourselves and watching Johnny carefully sketching a silver and blue snowflake on to the first page of the black-leafed sketchpad that Zacky gave him. The metallic pens create a striking contrast to the dark page, crafting a sophisticated yet magical image from Johnny’s ever-surprising expanse of imagination.

“‘Anyone fancy going out in the snow?” I ask, watching Johnny’s face light up as he turns to me and nods eagerly. Zacky, who’s been watching Johnny but with a faraway look in his eyes, looks up suddenly and nudges Brian with his foot. The older boy doesn’t look up, just says ‘yeah?’ and continues to read the lyric book that came with one of his CD’s.

“Brian,” Zacky hisses.

“What’s up?” Brian questions, putting the book on the floor beside him and twisting around awkwardly to look at his friend.

“I think we should tell them…”

“Now? Are- Are you sure?” Brian asks, a nervousness creeping into his voice.

“Tell who, what?” Matt asks, eyeing them curiously.

“I don’t think we have much choice now…”

“No. I guess not,” Brian sighs, then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

Turning around so that his back is once again against the couch, Brian lowers his head and looks at the floor. Zacky leans forwards slightly to rest a hand on each of his friend’s shoulders, noticeably squeezing them although Brian doesn’t appear to feel comforted…

“We’ve got something we want you to know…” Zacky starts, looking at each of us for a moment before returning his gaze to the boy at his feet. “Brian’s worried that this will ruin Christmas and I guess I’m kind of worried too… I hope it doesn’t but we think you need to know and-”

“Zack, please get on with it,” Brian begs, his voice weak.

“Sorry…” Zacky momentarily raises his eyes to meet mine before dropping them back to Brian and mumbling something inaudible. Brian sighs, then Zacky raises his voice and says slowly, “We want you to know that we’re going out.”

For a minute there is silence. No one speaks. No one moves. Everyone just stares ahead of them, Zacky and Brian at the floor and the rest of us at them. Then Johnny cocks his head to one side and asks, “Can I come?”

Brian laughs.

“I don’t think he meant that…” Matt tells him.

“What did he mean?”

“I think he meant like me and Emily… Zack? You mean you’re dating, don’t you?”

“Yeah…” Zacky confirms quietly, his tone no longer sure or strong.

“But they’re both boys…”

“It’s called being gay, John… Me and Emily are heterosexual. We like people of the opposite gender. Gay people like people of the same gender…”

“Oh… Is that okay?”

“Some people think it’s not, but why shouldn’t two guys go out with each other if they like each other? A guy and a girl can… What makes it alright for people to decide that a man and another man, or two women, can’t?”

Johnny thinks about this for a moment, his head once again tilted slightly to one side. “That’s not fair…”

“No.”

“Does- Does that mean you’re okay with us?” Zacky asks.

“Of course I am! I’m really happy for you both.”

Zacky and Brian look at each other and grin.

“Me too! Me too!” Johnny chimes in, jumping up and running to hug them both, the same way he did for Matt and Emily when they told us they were together.

“Jim?” Zack asks hopefully, barely daring to meet my eyes.

My lips curl into a smile but I can’t quite bring myself to add my own approval. It’s not that I don’t support them but I have a few questions that I need to have answered before I can tell them that I’m happy.

“Matt? Johnny? You two go get dressed to go outside… I just need a few words with Zack and Bri…” Zacky’s face falls.

“You’re not happy, are you?” Zacky asks quietly, biting his lap as Matt pulls the door shut behind himself and Johnny.

“No, it’s- It’s not that… I just- I know what you’ve been through, I know what your pasts are like… That knowledge has rung some alarm bells in my head. I’m worried more than anything…”

Zacky sighs and sits back in his seat, leaving Brian to ask the question on both of their lips. “Why?”

“I don’t want you to regret anything. You don’t need to be treated like glass, I know that, but the things that you’ve experienced in the past have hurt you in ways that aren’t easy to recover from… It- It concerns me that you’ll get hurt again, especially as you’re still recovering from before…”

“Jim! It’s us! We know what the other’s been through. We’ve been through it ourselves… I’m not about to try anything with Brian that would make him uncomfortable because I care about him and I know what it feels like to go through all that crap… And I trust him not to do any of that to me.”

I nod. “I know. You’re good friends, I know that…”

“Jim, we’re best friends! We know each other almost as well as we know ourselves… We can recognise when the other is uncomfortable and we care about each other to the point that we wouldn’t want to exacerbate the situation. We’re comfortable enough in one another’s company to know that if we’re not happy with something, if we don’t want to continue with something for whatever reason, we can just say and be listened to. We can read each other like books! We can tell what the other’s thinking even if they’ve not said anything.

“I don’t know if this is love or not, but I don’t want to hurt Brian and he doesn’t want to hurt me. We care about each other and each other’s well being more than we do our own. It matters to us that we’re both completely happy with what’s happening. If there’s an issue, we talk about it because we want this to work. We don’t put pressure on each other because we know what it’s like to be forced into things and there’s no feeling in that… We have feelings for each other so there’s no way we’re going to turn down that road…”

I consider this for a minute, sitting quietly with my chin on my hands as I regard them closely. “Are you happy?” I ask, finally.

“Yes,” Brian says, thinking for just a second about his answer before replying with a firm, belief-filled voice. “I knew I was gay for a while before I told Zack and he says he was the same… We were both really nervous about coming out to anyone, but once we’d told each other, things felt easier. You know, just having someone else who understands and is going through the same thing makes you feel so much more secure… When we realised we liked each other…-”

“Man, that was actually kinda funny!” Zacky smiles. I’m not familiar with the story but his enthusiasm alone brings a faint curve to my lips.

“Yeah,” Brian says, smiling too. “That was just before we moved here… When we came out to each other, it was amazing to know that there was someone else who understood, but when we confessed to liking each other, that feeling was so much more incredible. I’ve never felt like that before… I really liked Zee and knowing that he felt the same way about me just blew my mind.”

Zacky nods to signal that he had the same reaction. “And we still feel like that now… We’ve not been going out that long, but that flame’s still there. If anything, it’s grown…”

It’s Brian’s turn to nod. “We’re taking it slow… We’ve not really got past hugging yet-”

“We have kissed but it’s nothing major. ‘Just a light peck, so to speak, here and there… And Brian’s getting to the stage where I can give him a cuddle without him flinching at my touch,” Zacky adds, smiling affectionately at the boy in front of him. Brian looks slightly bashful, but he’s smiling as well and I suddenly realise that Zacky hasn’t told me this because he wants to inform me about their relationship but has spoken out because he’s proud of Brian and wants to show it.

“As Zack said, we’re comfortable with each other anyway but with each passing day we’re feeling more and more at ease. We’re closer now than we were before and-”

“Look, guys, you don’t need to justify yourselves to me… I-” I sigh softly and rub my eyes with my fingers. “At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy. If you think you’ve found that in each other then so be it. I can’t stop you being together and I have absolutely no intention of trying… I- I can’t deny that I’m apprehensive about how things are gonna go but I’m glad you’re feeling secure enough to start looking into a relationship. I’m happy for you.”

“Really?” Brian checks quietly. He looks like he’s got tears in his eyes and one look at Zacky tells me that he’s not far behind. I nod as tears prick the backs of my own eyes: this means a lot to them, that much is evident.

“Yeah, but promise me that you’ll come talk to me if anything upsets you… I trust you with each other but not everything is intentional,” I say, looking from one to the other as they nod their agreement. “And please be careful.”

“Jim!”

“We’re nowhere near ready to go fucking each other through the mattress,” Zacky reminds me. Man, I really didn’t need that image and, judging by the way Brian rolls his eyes and mutters something about him being ‘crude as always’, I don’t think he did either… Zacky smirks but continues in a softer voice, “Seriously, man, we’re not ready for that sort of thing. Intimacy isn’t on our agenda right now. We just want to be together…”

“I know,” I nod. “I didn’t just mean that, though… You said that your top priority is each other’s happiness. Make sure you keep that in mind… Be careful not to let anything come between you and don’t make stupid mistakes. You’ve got a great friendship. The worst thing you could do would be to lose that…”

They look at each other as their lips begin to curl into smiles and laugh gently as their eyes meet. They then turn to me and nod their agreement, their intentions serious but this not reflected by the overwhelming happiness that exudes from their faces.

“I guess I should say congratulations, then…” I say, my eyes sparkling as I smile at the two… lovers? Fuck, that sounds weird! “I’m happy for you and I hope this lasts because you guys deserve a break.”

We all stand up and I hug them quickly, feeling tears wetting my t-shirt as they press their faces against my chest. They both whisper their appreciation to me, their voices seemingly weak with emotion and relief, before they pull away then change their minds and both wrap their arms around me again, sandwiching me between them.

“Come on. I think we should go get dressed before Johnny returns and drags us all outside as we are!” They don’t need telling twice. I laugh and follow them out, heading to my own bedroom to change into something warm and shutting the door hastily as I hear Johnny’s footsteps bouncing down the hall. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, but nothing will make me go outside with him whilst I’m still wearing just boxers and a t-shirt, which I know to be his intention as he stops outside my bedroom and whines loud enough for me to hear.

~*~

“Can we go outside now? Please? Can we, can we?”

Four pairs of eyes roll at Johnny as he jumps up and down by the front door. The rest of us are putting coats on and trying to find hats and gloves, quite willing to take our time in order to be warm, much to Johnny’s frustration.

“Come on,” Johnny moans, dragging his words out to symbolise his boredom.

“Come on, John. How about you and me go ahead. These slow coaches can catch us up in a bit, yeah?”

Johnny nods eagerly and pulls the door open, running outside and jumping about before we lose sight of him as Zacky follows and closes the door behind him.

“So, when are we giving Zee his present?” Brian asks after a few minutes when we’re sure the two boys aren’t coming back in for forgotten clothing.

“Later. I’ll come back in early and go up to Julia’s… ‘Maybe even bring it outside? I dunno… I’ll see.”

“Yeah, nice idea,” Matt adds, as he rummages around in search of his hat. “Aha! I’m all ready.”

“Let’s go, then. The snow awaits,” Brian declares, clearly in high spirits following our earlier conversation.

I smile and we all traipse out into the snow, childishly excited despite the shivering that is brought on by the freezing temperatures outside. We find Zack helping Johnny to build a snowman under the tree in the corner of the garden, the older boy standing up and rooting around in the snow for something as Johnny packs the snow firmly onto the snowman’s body.

“Having fun, Zack?” Brian asks as Zacky sucks in a breath, seemingly having just realised quite how cold his hands are.

“Fuck you!” Zacky hisses as he plucks a stick from beneath the snow and walks over to give it to Johnny. The smaller boy giggles gleefully as he takes it and inserts it into the body as an arm before removing one of his gloves and pressing his still-warm finger into the snowman’s stomach, melting buttons into the snow.

“We need some eyes and a nose,” Johnny decides, glancing around at each of us to see who’s going to act on his less-than-subtle request.

“All yours, guys!” Zacky announces as he hands his latest finding, what will be the snowman’s left arm, to Johnny. He dries his hands on his jeans, then sets about rubbing them together in hope of generating heat, seemingly failing miserably when he shivers and pulls his gloves from his pockets, slipping them on and resuming his rubbing.

Matt disappears back inside in search of a carrot and I go to the side of the house where a small gravel trench separates the brickwork from the grass. I select a couple of stones, smooth pebbles that will make nice little eyes, and take them to Johnny, all-the-while watching Brian who’s moving towards Zacky. Johnny thanks me but I’m not really paying attention, distracted as I am by the sight of Brian standing behind Zack and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Cold?” He questions, resting his chin on the smaller boy’s shoulder.

“Not so much now…” Brian laughs softly and presses his lips against Zacky’s neck. “Mmm… I was looking forward to being able to do this in public.”

Brian’s head snaps up suddenly to find me staring at them. I feel myself blushing and quickly busy myself in helping Johnny to finish his snowman. Brian laughs again and returns his attention to the boy in his arms just as Matt returns with a small carrot in his hand.

“Aww!” He coos, looking at the couple before him with genuine admiration and acceptance in his eyes.

Brian and Zacky look at each other and giggle, a degree of timidity in their voices though it’s somewhat outweighed by a sense of feeling completely at ease.

“‘You know what? I think it’s time we had a snowball fight…” Matt states, looking from the couple on his right to the boy in front of him then up to me on his left.

“Sure. But none aimed at anyone’s faces, got it?”

“And none aimed at Frosty, either,” Johnny pouts.

“Don’t you want him to be a real snowman?” Zacky asks. Johnny looks confused. “Well, you can’t have a snowman without snowballs…”

He laughs and Brian releases him from his arms with a disgruntled, “Zack! That was wrong even for you! He’s ten!”

Poor Johnny. He looks mortified, bless him! For all his attempts at maturity, he’s as innocent as any other ten year old and still reasonably sheltered despite spending the past five years in Zacky’s company. Our friend’s comment seems to have taken him out of his comfort zone and so I go over to him and put my hand on his shoulder, drawing his gaze up to my eyes.

“That was naughty,” he pouts.

“I know. We’ll have to get him back, won’t we? Do you know the best way to do that?”

“No,” he says, eagerly awaiting more information.

I bend to whisper my answer into his ear. He giggles mischievously, dropping to his haunches and using my body as a shield behind which he can compact a snowball without the others seeing. I laugh at him and pat his head, then stand and leave him to chuck it at Zacky.

Matt laughs. “Nice shot, John!” He applauds, looking at the spot on Zacky’s chest which is now splattered with snow.

Zacky chuckles gently to himself as he bends and compresses his own snowball. “You might regret that, Johnny…”

Johnny squeals in surprise as the snowball smacks him on the arm, then makes another one in retaliation which misses Zack and scrapes Brian’s shoulder. I watch as Bri throws one back and, distracted by this, am not aware of Matt preparing one and launching it at me. I raise my eyebrow at him in surprise but he just brushes his hands off on his jeans and laughs.

“That’s for sending Johnny in to wake me up this morning,” he clarifies.

I laugh and hurl one back and before long, the snowball fight escalates into all-out war, with anyone within firing range becoming prone to a hit or two.

“Oh, no! No. You didn’t just do that, Johnny,” Matt growls, standing stock-still and glaring at his room-mate.

Johnny looks mildly sheepish but there’s no hint of guilt or regret in his eyes. He smiles broadly at Matt who takes a step forward, only stopping in his tracks when Zacky and Brian move to hold him back.

“Aww, Matt! He’s only a midget. Leave him alone…” Zacky says as Brian begins rubbing the snow from the older boy’s hair. Matt doesn’t struggle but his eyes remain fixed on Johnny, narrowing coldly as the small boy continues to grin. It seems an odd thing to do when you’re clearly in trouble, but as I notice his hands behind his back, it dawns on me what Johnny is planning.

In seconds, another two snowballs have been thrown, this time at each of the two members of our new couple.

“Right!” Zacky declares as he lets go of Matt’s arm. “Get him!”

Johnny begins to back away but he’s nowhere near quick enough. The others dash forwards and before he knows what’s happening, Johnny’s lying on his back on the ground, being pelted with hastily made snowballs.

“Jimmy, Jimmy!” He squeals at me, giggling as he writhes around on the ground.

“Nah, mate, you’re on your own this time. I did warn you about throwing things at faces!” I laugh, folding my arms and watching as they continue to cover him in snow. It’s not like they’re hurting him…

“Guys, I’m gonna go put the dinner on,” I call and wait for their acknowledgement. Matt directs his eyes at me and I nod at the question radiating from their cores.

“You little monkey!” Matt laughs as he turns back to Johnny, pulling Brian and Zacky’s attention back to the small boy in the snow.

I return to the house and set about putting a couple of things into the oven so that they’ll be nearly ready by the time we all come back in. Our Christmas dinner is not going to be much; it’s mostly frozen snack foods but I don’t have the money, time or interest to prepare a traditional lunch with all the trimmings and besides, I think this will be a lot more fun, albeit a lot less healthy, but if Christmas isn’t the time for letting go a bit then I don’t know when is.

Hovering at the sink, I watch my friends from the window. The older three are still attacking Johnny with snow but all four of them are laughing so I’m not all that worried as I turn away from the window and grab my keys from the counter.

Letting myself out of the house, I head upstairs to Julia’s flat where her husband answers the door and invites me in. I oblige and he offers me a coffee but I decline, conscious of the fact that I need to return to the others, and speak to Julia briefly before taking Zacky’s present, wishing them a merry Christmas and making my exit.