Thirst

I opened the apartment building door and stepped out onto the street I had just been on only 24 hours before. But it didn’t look the same. Everything was different. It wasn’t cold, and my breath wasn’t visible anymore. The sky wasn’t dark anymore. It was incredibly bright with the light of the stars. I’ve never seen so many stars twinkling in the sky before. The dark alley I used to come home to every night wasn’t dark anymore. I could clearly see the broken glass and trash scattered around the asphalt. But it wasn’t like seeing things in daylight. The light was silvery, not golden.

I took some steps and realized I could feel tremors in the ground. There were sewage pipes right below me. And a man across the street was scuffing his feet. I grimaced. This just isn’t right. I walked towards a grimey puddle and stared at the skinny chump in its reflection. His eyes were bright swirling silver and the pupils were barely there. His hair was a mess and his face was deeply solemn.

“Mother fucker!” I cursed under my breath stomping in the pool of dirty water. My eyes were abnormal, so being an incognito bloodsucker was now out of the question. I sighed and tried to put my hair into a reasonable display on my head. But it just wouldn’t stay down.

“Oh great now I’ll eternally have sex hair! How cool!” I grumbled. I pulled some old dark aviators out of my sweatshirt pocket and put them on. I started walking down the alley onto the main street. The intense light coming from the streetlamps was overbearing and made me squint. The hustle and bustle of the sidewalk seemed less confusing. I could look at every individual person. I could see each muscle in their face tense or relax in the form of an expression that I could read in an instant. That person is mad about something, that person is worried, that person is happy. I could figure out what most likely happened by the way they dress, their posture, and the amount of grief or joy on their face.

I shook with amazement. This wasn’t in the movies. I felt all-powerful, as a stared at the normal people walking down the street. Their petty problems were hilarious all of a sudden. Arrogance was building up in my soul and I hope it wouldn’t crumble soon. This is what it means to be strong, to be powerful. I smirked and started walking. This is what I needed. My life was empty, boring, normal. A bad taste developed in my mouth and I scowled. I had the usual petty problems; a drunken dad and a helpless mum and a whole bunch of horrible relationships. But those were completely behind me now.

This happy façade was the only thing going for me now. If I could convince myself I could be better in this state of being, I could maybe live my life. My masculinity and past insecurities could maybe save me from my conscious. And so far, it’s been going good.

I walked towards the local bar and pushed open the door and immediately got overwhelmed by the horrible stench. I already knew that I could smell things that others couldn’t. When I was out on the street I could smell the faint scent of coffee, lipstick, and cigarette smoke. Little aroma’s that I hadn’t smelled on the street before. But now, in a place where I used to be able to smell everything, it was damn near unbearable. The smell of piss, alcohol, vomit, tobacco smoke, and bodily fluids made my stomach turn. I swallowed some of the bile that was coming up my throat and sat myself on a stool at the far side of the bar. I quietly asked for a Bud and tapped my fingers, listening to everything around me.

An old woman was muttering to herself across the room about her cursed grandchildren. How they’re turning into drunks just like her son, and then I heard her gulp down a drink and sigh. I heard a man breathing heavily, he was most likely on the brink of alcohol poisoning and he was stomping around the pub using up the energy that would most likely save him if he got to the point where he had to go home alone.

“Here ya go son,” The bartender said sliding the bottle of beer down the bar. I smiled softly as a thank you and looked at the beer. I wonder if I can drink it. I held the beer up to my face, almost examining it. It’s not like I haven’t drank a beer before, quite the opposite. But with this new body, this new thirst, can I still have drink that my old self had loved so dearly?

“What’s the matter, boy? First drink? Ahhhh it won’t be that bad! I’ll promise ya,” the middle aged man smiled at me. I smiled back at him and took a swig of the beer and let the beer run down my throat.

I could drink it, but the warmness of it was gone. It was just liquid sliding down my throat, nothing more. I sighed and set the bottle down on the coaster. The soft breeze from the moving bodies of the bar sent a hardy thick scent of cologne at me, and I couldn’t help but sneeze.

A sweet looking middle-aged woman quickly said, “God Bless You!” . I stifled a laugh and thanked her. Why would a being more superior than I, even think of blessing lower life, like humans? Why would he care? He didn’t care about me when I was being seduced into immortality.

I slid a ten-dollar bill underneath the bottle and started to leave the bar. My purpose here was fulfilled, plus I couldn’t breathe in the stink any longer. But before I could reach the oak-colored door a man around my age stopped me.

“Whatzzz your PROBLEM buddy? You just come waaaaaltzin in here all “coool” and shit. But You…. You got NOTHING on me!” The man slurred, the alcohol seemed like it was pouring out of his mouth with every word he spoke. He shoved me and I let myself take a half-step back so no one would notice how hard he shoved, and how I didn’t fly back or fall on the sticky floor.

“It’s okay drunk man. I’m just leaving. We have nothing to fight about,” I said arrogantly. I smirked. This is a new me. I would have never said something like that before. I would have most likely put my head down and mumble apologies. But I think it’s mostly because I threw a refrigerator earlier today, but it still feels good.

The man swung his arm violently at my face and I caught it, inches from my face. The bewildered look on his face made me smile and I pushed into a table near by, and out of my way. I was all smiles today wasn’t I?

“Can somebody take care of him?” I asked politely and I then left the bar and walked down the street. For about five blocks all I did was smile in triumph. My first foe has been vanquished by the hand of The Vampire James! *

Then suddenly the slight thirstiness I had throughout my journeys of the outside world grew worse. My throat was the driest desert, pretty much exactly how it was the morning I was changed. I ran into a near-by alley and frantically searched for a small animal. I reached out my hand and caught a rat scurrying by a drain pipe. I sucked it dry. But my thirst wouldn’t go away. I sat down on a piece of cardboard on the ground and curled up in a ball. Trying not to think of blood. But my thoughts were running wild. Pins and needles were stabbing every inch of my body and I couldn’t breathe. My throat was like a dry river bed, it was shrinking and cracking. I felt like my throat was growing brittle and was about to shatter into a million pieces. My belly was on twisting into knots that I don’t think that even a sailor could untie. I was Pain. My body was the pain in the world. Everything I could think of to make my mind look away from the pain just led back to hurt.

“Hey man! Could you get off MY bed! You fucking kids think you own the streets! In my day a man could peacefully sleep on his bed whenever---“ Before the old homeless man could finish his sentence he looked at my eyes, which weren’t covered by my dark sunglasses anymore.

“Wh-What are you?” The bearded man whispered. I closed my eyes, trying not to suck his life out to purify mine. But I guess my will wasn’t strong enough because I felt a quick pull on my heart and everything went black.

________________________________________________________________________

I woke up to find myself in the same place, but a different light. The sky was brighter and my skin felt like I had a severe sun burn. My flesh was stinging, and I gritted my teeth as I realized why. It must be close to dawn. I have to get out of here. I pushed myself off the ground with the cold cement wall of the alley, and I steadied my body. I blinked a few times to get used to the fact that it felt like it was midday on a Floridian beach, not an hour before dawn in a dark alley. I pushed forward and started to run home, only catching a glimpse of the crumpled pile of clothes with a corpse lying on top.

The cool wind flew by my face as I sprinted towards my apartment building. If my immediate past was any different, I would be grinning and laughing like I was on a rollercoaster. But alas, my conscious would never have let me do that. My plan to conquer it with arrogance was no match for the mental anger over killing a man. I approached my street and I sped up. I didn’t think of how there might be people on the street or people looking out of their windows to watch the sun rise.

I stormed into the building and went through my giant iron padlocked door. I almost stopped to think about how my neighbors or landlord have reacted towards that, but it was so close to dawn the thought flew out of my mind as I tried to lock the door.

I walked over the rubble of what was my home. I threw myself onto my mattress and buried my head in my pillow. I want to forget. I can’t think about it.

I trembled. I can’t just think about not thinking about it. It makes me think about it. I killed a man. I took someone’s life, to fix my own pain.

I knew I couldn’t deal with this guilt. I had to find someone to teach me to embrace my new self, and let my human moralities drop away.