Thirst

The moment I regained my consciousness, I jumped to my feet and scanned the area like an animal. I was in the same dark poverty-ridden alley as when I passed out. The harsh scent of death smacked me in the face as soon as I inhaled. The disgusting rot that was growing in the corpse was so foul that my eyes started to well up with tears.

My ignorance made me not notice the body of the young woman lying at my feet till I actually looked at it. A breath got caught in my throat as I observed something that I would soon be seeing regularly. I looked away quickly before nudged the body on it’s back. I’m not really sure why I thought that turning her face up would make me feel better. Maybe I thought that the lack of identity to the corpse was bad? I’ll never know, but I know that it transfixed me—the face that is, the blank, cold face. It was serene, yet the heart-crunching horror that came with that soul-less being in front of me made the human in me shudder. My old fear of death blossomed up and took its grip on my sanity. I shouldn’t be so entranced by this thing, (I can’t call it a person, that’s for sure)

The body was shaking violently and I soon started doing the same. Blood started oozing out of every orifice of this girl’s body and blood soon started flowing from mine as well. The panic in my soul grew to point where I felt like I was going to explode. Her blood-covered eyes were screaming at me in terror. Suddenly loud whispers were shrieking in my ears. Killer, Murderer, Animal, Monster. I felt my eyes roll up into my head as I started the scream the words as well.

I woke up to my own screaming. In seconds my breathing was so fast and shallow I felt like I was going to die. I tried to calm myself down, but when some blood dripped down my cheek falling onto the tiled floor the panic welled up in my chest again. It only took me a second to realize that my dream wasn’t coming true and I was only crying. But that didn’t make my breathing slow down one bit. My chest was burning and I started to hiccup, which made the pain in my chest even worse.

After at least a half-hour I started to breathe more steadily. I guess becoming a vampire doesn’t stop the panic attacks.

It had been two months since that first kill and I’ve killed at least twenty people. In perspective, I should be proud of myself, killing so few, but the surprise and horror of the victim’s faces are etched into my memory. Sometimes I think I lose most of the cursed blood I drain from my victims by crying afterwards.

In my first few weeks I discovered that if I found enough fat sewer rats, I could keep myself from succumbing to the feral side of my mind. When I black out it’s pretty much my “dark” side winning over my humanity. Luckily cities are usually filled to the brim with the scummy rats that were now my prey. With my newfound hearing I could hear colonies of thousands easily when I walked the streets.

Even when I’ve gone weeks without murdering people, I don’t feel any better. I can’t let myself get cocky or too sure of my rat supply. And to keep myself unhappy I’ve found out all there is to know about all of my past victims. All twenty full names of the people killed by me are taped onto my abandoned refrigerator. I had thought about stealing blood from my local Red Cross and filling the fridge. But the only thing that flashes in my mind when I think about stealing blood, is a young child critically hurt and the doctors not having enough blood to transfuse.

I stood up and noticed that it was only early evening. There was still daylight, even though it was weak. I let myself yawn and stretch, only then noticing that I didn’t sleep well. I sat back down and cuddled up to a heap of blankets and sheets. As each new day began, the days before the change were fading. The face and name of my last girlfriend was blank. But that was the least of it all. At least I can remember that I had a girlfriend. There are chunks of my memory that are just gone. Did I have cousins, or a dog? But with every forgotten memory, the tears slowed.

When I wasn’t searching the sewers for nourishment. I was searching for signs of other vampires. At first I wasn’t really aware that I was doing it. But when I showed up at crime scenes and stared at the victims, or when I approached an abandoned warehouse cautiously, I was searching desperately for someone who understood. But I wasn’t lucky in the least bit. Nothing, not one trace of preternatural beings. I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be looking for, but I haven’t found any smoking guns.

I’m almost afraid my personality has changed in the blur of transformation. I’ve become more prone to rage, even over the littlest things, and after, I sob for hours on end. It’s like vampire PMS. And not finding what I’m looking for really pokes at my seemingly eternal frustration.

I yawned again pushing more frustrated thoughts out of my head. I sat up and fumbled around for the alarm clock next to my bed. It read 7:30 PM. I smiled and stood up to get dressed. Since it was winter I had to put on fairly warm clothing, even when I can’t get cold. I slid on a plain black long sleeve shirt and picked up some semi-clean dark jeans off the floor. I didn’t even have to pick them up and take a long sniff to figure out if they were wearable anymore. Just had to breathe in. I found some socks to put on and sauntered out of my bedroom. I picked up a heavy long black wool coat. I decided that today I was just going to walk around the city, since I found a nasty colony of rats last night, and a few stray dogs.

I stepped out of my apartment, which was so obviously sealed that I had to tell my landlord. I explained to him that I developed severe skin cancer and I didn’t want to chance it even in the house. He didn’t really give a fuck what I did, but if I left I would have to pay for its dissemble.

I could tell it was a frigid day, though it didn’t affect me all that much. I quickly walked past scattered trash and angry cats. I breathed in quickly, relishing the sharp sting of cold in my nose. I turned onto the busy morning sidewalk and felt myself sink into the crowd. I felt at home here, among the millions of anonymous. It’s how I grew up, and how I’ve lived. It humbles you, and makes you realize how little you matter to the entire scale of life. You are one of many, so don’t base your life on what society or the ‘whole’ thinks. If you do you have a high chance of not being happy. If you wanted to be famous, to be known, you’ll probably have a lonely life. I learned the only person you have to impress is yourself. I know this, though I don’t always live by it. Not many can.

The warm bodies around me were seductive, swaying and moving to a seemingly endless beat of walking feet. Even the men were tongue-bite-worthy, and I wasn’t very attracted to them in my past life. Sex and feeding have woven such a tight knot in my mind, that I have trouble thinking of them separately. I felt the blood of my victims flow to my manhood. Thank god that I was wearing a long coat, otherwise I’d be considered a pervert. My face turned red as I bit my lip to bring my erection down. I imagined my Grandma. No I could eat her. Slugs, rocks, grass, broccoli, water, trees. I let out the breath I was holding when I felt my manhood soften. The woman beside me grinned at me in a knowing way. I deliberately started walking faster and pushed some hot bodies out of the way. I was going to stroll around the city today, but now it seems I am rushing away from my lust. I squeezed my fists together extremely hard as I started walking towards a big crowd in the middle of the square. Pop music was booming through the old oak trees and men and women alike were screaming along with the uncreative lyrics. I pushed my way through the mosh of bodies; no one seemed to try to stop me because my body was like a steel door.

I was soon at the front of the crowd watching the young blond girl move and dance as she sang an overly sexual song. She swung around poles and writhed on the floor of the stage. And the crowd was going nuts. I ran my tongue along my teeth in agony. Suddenly her eyes moved over the crowd and found mine. I had recently found contacts to keep the silver of my eyes to a minimum, but they still shown as a bright grey. I smiled at her and felt her want me. She wanted me to come on stage with her. I felt a big bouncer pull me onto the short stage. She started serenading me, but not only singing. She slithered around me like a snake. Touching me everywhere with all of her liquid movements. She didn’t expect me to pull her moves right back at her. The crowd was catcalling and ‘ooooh!’-ing as we danced. She was only breathily whispering her lyrics as I felt my fingers trace the only slight curve of her body. I positioned my hands on her butt and upper back as I dipped her into a romantic kiss at the end of the song. We both explored each other’s mouths as we passionately kissed. I broke free of our lip lock and smiled a great big grin at the audience. They were in for something new. I pulled one of my hands from under her and caressed her neck and chest. She giggled and feigned a swoon. This was crazy, and a first. I flicked my fangs out and took a bite of her neck. Blood, sweet blood, starting pouring into my welcoming mouth. I had never tasted human blood while fully conscious before. It was always out of need, not want. But man, this was heaven compared to rats. Rats were like crumb of stale bread, while Humans were like an enormous moist and succulent cake.

Not hearing or minding the surprised gasps of the crowd I went in for another bite, but this one more horrible. I ripped her throat and blood sputtered everywhere. I was surprised she wasn’t screaming, but then I saw her face and she was in ecstasy. I think it was a combination of my blood sucking and me rubbing her lady parts, but she definitely didn’t mind me messily opening her neck. Screams were echoing in the park as I stained the stage with blood. The bouncers soon came to their senses and started charging for me. I gently put the girl’s limp form on the floor and ran from the bouncers. I ran incredibly fast compared those big oafs. I was out of their sight in minutes. I ran into an alley and ripped my shirt off and put some of it in my mouth to suck on. I moaned, it was just too good. This all was just too good. This wasn’t even planned, but it was beyond perfect! That concert was definitely being recorded, so this would attract any other blood suckers to come this way indefinitely. I started laughing hysterically. Tonight was perfect! Perfect! I grinned and sat on an empty trashcan. I put my hands behind my head and felt joy that I haven’t felt in months.

But just as I let all of my so-called “greatness” sink in I felt a hand slam on my throat and quickly tighten. My eyes widened in fear. And the last thing I heard was the words,

“You Fucking IDIOT!” screamed by an accented woman before I was thrown against a brick wall, and all went black.