And the Memories Will Last Forever

Today is Saturday.

Today is the worst day of my life.

I’m sitting on my parent’s ugly ass purple, lumpy couch and they are in the kitchen talking to the police. I can only hear muffled words and half phrases.

“…did this happen?” my mom said.
“Can’t believe…” my dad said.

Then I heard my mom crying and my eyes begin to water again for the millionth time. But I don’t let the bastard tears spill over. I can’t.

And then I hear my dad trying to comfort her even though he’s crying now too. I have never heard my dad cry before. The sound tears at me, he shouldn’t be crying, neither of them should be crying.

The police officers come out of the kitchen looking sorry for us. One was tall and lean he looked way too gawky to have any kind of balance. The other was just that much shorter than the first. He was bulkier, he obviously worked out, and he looked much sorrier than the tall one. He had nice deep blue eyes; I had noticed that earlier in the afternoon.

After what happened.

At the door, I heard my parents as they were telling the officers goodbye.

“Again, we are so sorry for your loss,” the tall one said.

My mom sobbed again.

“Thank you,” my dad said clearing his throat.

Thank you? What the hell kind of response is that? I thought.

Both officers turned and the tall one exited first. The muscular looking one hesitated at the door, and then as if making a snap decision, turned back around. “May I speak to your daughter alone?” he asked quietly.

“Sure,” my dad said. “I’m just going to take my wife upstairs. Riley,” he called out to me.

I turned to him and nodded letting him know that I had heard him. With that he led my mom upstairs, her sobs growing quieter as they left. I cast a look upstairs and waited to hear my parent’s bedroom door closed. With a faint clicking sound, I knew they were now in their room.

The officer was just standing there awkwardly. I stood up and motioned for him to follow me to the backyard to the patio.

I sat on the porch swing. He sat down next to me and sighed.

This officer was the first person I talked to today after the accident. He brought me some coffee and a blanket, even though it was 92º today, I didn’t feel the heat. I just felt the cold radiating from somewhere in my chest throughout my entire body.

“Thank you,” I said breaking our awkward silence.

He just nodded, not saying anything.

“You wanted to talk to me,” I prompted hoping to get him to start talking.

“Mhmm,” he murmured and nodded.

“About?” I asked getting impatient.

He breathed in deep and exhaled quickly. “I don’t know what to say to you that will actually mean anything to you at a time like this. Cause, ‘I’m sorry,’ just doesn’t cut it.”

“There’s nothing you can say,” I said more harshly than I had intended to.

He was quiet again.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

He smiled warmly at me. The same smile that he had been giving me all day. The smile that said he was sorry. The smile that said he wished he could help. The smile I was beginning to hate. “It’s okay.”

“Was there anything in particular that you wanted to talk to me about?” I asked making sure that my tone was softer.

He opened his mouth and closed it without saying a word. This was starting to piss me off. If he had just wanted to waste my time, he was doing a damn fine job of it.

“You better get to the point,” I told him. “Your partner can’t wait around forever for you to say whatever it is that you have to say to me.”

He chuckled. “You’re right. Benson might just leave my ass here.”

So the tall guy’s name was Benson. I stayed quiet waiting for him to start.

"I’m Alek Stabler, by the way. I wasn’t sure if I had told you before.”

“Nice to meet you, Stabler.”

“I guess I had just wanted to make sure that you were alright.” Stabler winced when he realized what he had just said.

“I can’t be alright,” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“Fuck. That was stupid of me,” he said shaking his head. “I knew that was stupid after the words left my mouth. And I was quiet trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound stupid and then I open my mouth without thinking and something stupid comes out anyway.”

I nodded. “Very stupid.”

Stabler grinned. “I just meant that I know today was hard, and there are going to be more hard days ahead. I know because I’ve been there.”

I looked up at Stabler. I just really looked at him for the first time. He seemed sincere enough and his bright blue eyes had taken on the color of the inky twilight that had now fallen upon us. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s alright, it was a long time ago. My brother died when he was 15, I was 11. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in this. You still have your family and friends. And me, if you ever wanna talk. Here’s my card,” he said handing me the card. “I wrote my cell number on the back there.”

“Thank you, Alek,” I pocketed the card. “Even with time, it won’t get easier, will it?”

Stabler looked at me with his sympathetic twilight colored eyes, and I could tell that he wanted desperately to lie to me. He breathed deep. “No.”

I felt my heart sink even lower into my stomach and nodded. “I kinda figured. Thanks for telling me the truth.”

“I wish that I could tell you that everything will be fine and this is all a bad dream, and it hurts me more than you’ll ever know to know that I can’t,” he whispered. Just then his walkie talkie bleeped to life.

“Yo, Stabbie, it’s time to go man, you can visit your jail bait later,” Benson said irritated. The line cracked with static as Benson signed off.

“She’s right here you jackass,” Stabler said back harshly, irritated with Benson.

“Aww, fuck, I am so sorry-” Benson voice was cut off as Stabler lowered the volume on the talkie. “I’m sorry about that, he usually isn’t such a douche bag,” he said standing.

“I’m sure,” I said dryly. I stood up and Stabler followed me back to the front door.

“Whenever you wanna talk, you just give me a call. I don’t care when. It’s never too late or too early to call me, remember that, okay?”

I nodded. “I will.” I opened the front door. “Thank you, Alek.”

Stabler smiled that ‘I’m so sorry’ smile once more. “No problem.” And with that he left.

I closed and locked the door. I looked around the living room and felt those bastard tears start to well again. I fought them back as I grabbed my jacket and my keys and headed out of the house to the park that was just three blocks north of my house.

When I got to the park, I sat on a bench and decided to text Matt.

Matt, can you meet me at the park? I need to talk to you. It’s important.

Matt texted me back a few seconds later. Be there.