Status: The story is not supposed to end here. I wrote this five years ago and I am now 17; quite unmotivated to pick up writing it again, but we will see. hold on!
Hearts Recycled But Never Saved
Wake me up when September ends
It was all said and done. It had been so little, yet so long since she left. Maybe, if I'd run, she'd be just around the corner.
The evening was freezing cold, as I sat outside the mall, sober and trembly. My fingers clutched a put out cigarette.
I had thrown the most significant thing in my life away. She was nothing like other girls I had ever met and gone intimate with. None of them compared to her.
But love blinded me. I thought I could just treat it like I always had treated it before. But I was so wrong. Oh so fucking wrong.
So now, I had turned back to the life of no meaning again, becoming who I am, or was? Though the big matter was that I couldn't embrace it. There was no St Jimmy, there was no Jesus of Suburbia. There was only the rest, the pieces. There was Jimmy, who just had experienced a huge loss. A scene that would run inside his eyelids, forever.
The good times with Whatsername were so short. They went so fast. They had been like one second of a day. Up ahead, there were a zillion roads to travel, and I had traveled a billion roads before meeting her. The time spent together was only one journey, one of all roads.
And it was a dead end.
Whatsername made me feel so innocent. As if it didn't matter what I had done, what our pasts included. But there I was again, so, so guilty. The pain welled with each and every breath, each and every thought.
I needed rest, a dreamless sleep. I'd spend time in a place where I'd be just Jimmy. Somewhere where war is over.
Some place where that September night was over.
The evening was freezing cold, as I sat outside the mall, sober and trembly. My fingers clutched a put out cigarette.
I had thrown the most significant thing in my life away. She was nothing like other girls I had ever met and gone intimate with. None of them compared to her.
But love blinded me. I thought I could just treat it like I always had treated it before. But I was so wrong. Oh so fucking wrong.
So now, I had turned back to the life of no meaning again, becoming who I am, or was? Though the big matter was that I couldn't embrace it. There was no St Jimmy, there was no Jesus of Suburbia. There was only the rest, the pieces. There was Jimmy, who just had experienced a huge loss. A scene that would run inside his eyelids, forever.
The good times with Whatsername were so short. They went so fast. They had been like one second of a day. Up ahead, there were a zillion roads to travel, and I had traveled a billion roads before meeting her. The time spent together was only one journey, one of all roads.
And it was a dead end.
Whatsername made me feel so innocent. As if it didn't matter what I had done, what our pasts included. But there I was again, so, so guilty. The pain welled with each and every breath, each and every thought.
I needed rest, a dreamless sleep. I'd spend time in a place where I'd be just Jimmy. Somewhere where war is over.
Some place where that September night was over.