Status: The story is not supposed to end here. I wrote this five years ago and I am now 17; quite unmotivated to pick up writing it again, but we will see. hold on!
Hearts Recycled But Never Saved
Nobody likes you
I could read from their faces who they thought I was. They considered me some lazy, angry young man with no ambitions in life; no courage to look forwards. What they saw was a shitty kid who'd spend his nights partying like there was no growing up ahead. I was sure that was their thoughts, but they were wrong.
Nobody would understand what I had experienced. I had sunken to the bottom. Everything I thought I had wasn't there anymore. It had been stolen from me, so quickly. I was my own thief, though. The things I had done before had thrown me into this trauma. All my stupid mistakes that I decided to never learn from caused this. I was naive and juvenile until only days ago; hours ago.
Partly, their thoughts on me were correct. I had been that person, but I wasn't anymore. I felt like screaming it at them; 'this is not what I am'.
"Coffee", I mumbled to the girl behind the desk. "Can I have some coffee?"
"Sure, what sort?"
I looked at her. It seemed that I had seen her lips move, but not heard her voice. My world wasn't correctly syncronized.
"What?" I took a tottering step backwards, my brain feeling like a fountain.
"What sort of coffee would you like?" she replied, raising her perfectly-shaped eyebrows. Those brown eyes confused me.
"Uh, did I say coffee?" There was again the strange feeling inside my head, and the short loss of eyesight.
The girl gave me a strange look. It seemed that she doubted on me being serious or not.
"Sir, are you alright?"
She must have repeated her sentence three or four times before I had registred it. I felt like a computer now, no emotions; only progressions, masses of typed letters and registration.
"Um", I said, on unsteady legs. "I'd just like some coffee."
Minutes later - I didn't know how - I sat on a bench outside, drinking my coffee with trembly hands. There was a feeling of being a burden. And I thought until I forgot what I was thinking of.
I watched the people outside perform their daily lives. What they found casual, was dreamlike to me. I would never manage a life like theirs; and for a moment I felt that all I ever wanted to be was just like them. I wanted to be tied to any schedule possible, just to keep myself busy. If only anything or anyone would occupy me!
I needed a truth to rely on. But she was still not here.
Nobody in this world actually liked me. I did try to find anyone who'd ever seen something good in me, as turning my head around to watch the random faces around me. Most of them stared back with disgust. They needn't open their mouths. I was so sure anyway. Everyone who I had ever seen something good in had turned their backs; they were all out without me. Having fun.
Nobody would understand what I had experienced. I had sunken to the bottom. Everything I thought I had wasn't there anymore. It had been stolen from me, so quickly. I was my own thief, though. The things I had done before had thrown me into this trauma. All my stupid mistakes that I decided to never learn from caused this. I was naive and juvenile until only days ago; hours ago.
Partly, their thoughts on me were correct. I had been that person, but I wasn't anymore. I felt like screaming it at them; 'this is not what I am'.
"Coffee", I mumbled to the girl behind the desk. "Can I have some coffee?"
"Sure, what sort?"
I looked at her. It seemed that I had seen her lips move, but not heard her voice. My world wasn't correctly syncronized.
"What?" I took a tottering step backwards, my brain feeling like a fountain.
"What sort of coffee would you like?" she replied, raising her perfectly-shaped eyebrows. Those brown eyes confused me.
"Uh, did I say coffee?" There was again the strange feeling inside my head, and the short loss of eyesight.
The girl gave me a strange look. It seemed that she doubted on me being serious or not.
"Sir, are you alright?"
She must have repeated her sentence three or four times before I had registred it. I felt like a computer now, no emotions; only progressions, masses of typed letters and registration.
"Um", I said, on unsteady legs. "I'd just like some coffee."
Minutes later - I didn't know how - I sat on a bench outside, drinking my coffee with trembly hands. There was a feeling of being a burden. And I thought until I forgot what I was thinking of.
I watched the people outside perform their daily lives. What they found casual, was dreamlike to me. I would never manage a life like theirs; and for a moment I felt that all I ever wanted to be was just like them. I wanted to be tied to any schedule possible, just to keep myself busy. If only anything or anyone would occupy me!
I needed a truth to rely on. But she was still not here.
Nobody in this world actually liked me. I did try to find anyone who'd ever seen something good in me, as turning my head around to watch the random faces around me. Most of them stared back with disgust. They needn't open their mouths. I was so sure anyway. Everyone who I had ever seen something good in had turned their backs; they were all out without me. Having fun.