‹ Prequel: Stort Stories of a Random Nature
Oops You're Dead
Oops You're Dead
“So,” Shiva lent back against his leather chair, resting the tips of his fingers together as he pondered the sight before him. “It has been some time since I last saw you Vajrakila.”
“Uh, who?”
“Benzarkila, Dorje Phurba, whatever it is you call yourself these days.”
“My name is Anton.”
Shiva raised a thin eyebrow in my direction. I swallowed hard, my gaze lingering on the snake coiled about his neck. The creature was so still (covered in gold and blood rubies) that it could have been mistaken for an ornate piece of jewellery, but for the forked tongue that darted in and out at every interval, scenting the air. Had I mentioned that I hated snakes?
“All I want—“
“Is a solution to your little problem is it?” Shiva’s eyes ran over the shabby trench coat slung over my shoulders and the bulge of my stomach underneath.
“I was told if I came here you could help me,” I said, shifting in my seat. The snake’s tongue flickered in my direction, its black eyes watching, unblinking. Shiva sat considering unkempt, unshaven, disheveled me. I looked like a rat that had just crawled out of a garbage bin having survived the claws of a hungry cat.
Shiva gave me a thin grin, displaying a set of perfect teeth, white and straight, from under his lip. I sensed the prowl of something waiting beyond that face and wondered if I had not traded the cat for something much worse.
“Tell me,” he began. “How long has it been like this? A week? A month?”
“A year. Can you fix me or not?”
“Fix?” Shiva let out a laugh. “Fix? You really don’t remember?”
I looked at him, bewildered. Remember what? Shiva cast me a sly look, the edge of his lips curling upwards into a knowing grin. He reminded me of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland that I used to read to my daughter when she was a child. I felt my temper begin to grate.
“Now, now, don’t get angry.” Shiva held up a hand. “Perhaps you should start from the beginning. Tell me what happened.”
I shifted in my seat again. Feeling an itch crawl up my back. “The last thing I remember was the accident. A car accident,” I sought to clarify. “I was driving back from my daughter’s wedding. Some idiot ran a red light.” I folded my arms. “Next thing I knew I woke up in some dingy motel in the middle of nowhere.”
Shiva picked up a small letter opener from his desk. Resting the tip against one finger as he turned it over with his other hand. “And?” he prompted.
“Turned out I had been missing for months.”
“You don’t remember how you got there?”
I shook my head.
Shiva fell silent, considering me. “And the arms?”
I looked back at the man, taken back. I had not mentioned that to anyone.
“You thought I didn’t know?” Shiva’s dark eyes watched me. “This is not the first time we’ve met Vajrakila. I know what’s under your coat.”
“I told you my name is Anton.”
“No, Anton is dead.”
I blinked. Unless I was mistaken I was very much alive.
Shiva put down the letter-opener, “You went back to your daughter’s house. She didn’t recognise you. Even when you insisted, she had her husband throw you out. You even found your own grave.”
I looked at the man’s angled features, my jaw clenched tight against the insult begging to be spat across the room. The only thing that held it back was my own astonishment. What Shiva had said was true. How had he known? Those sharp eyes did not look like those of a madman.
“Anton Wells, the single father, the science professor, the scholar is gone. That life is over.” Shiva looked across the desk. “You belong to me now.”
I felt my fists clench. “I belong to no one,” I growled. “My—“
“Shush,” Shiva’s voice cut over my own, its weight snapping my jaw shut. My eyes bulged, panic rising my chest as I tried to open my mouth, but couldn’t.
“The world is different.” Shiva stood, voice turning quiet. “Have you noticed? Things feel off. Wrong.”
I swallowed. He had that one right on the mark. And I was sure my extra appendages had something to do with it.
“You’re right, they do.”
My gaze snapped onto the man. I hadn’t said the thought aloud.
Shiva sank back into his chair. “You are Vajrakila, Anton. You may not remember now, but it will come back to you.” The snake around his neck gave a small hiss, shifting its coils about Shiva’s collar.
“Vajrakila, Vajrakila, who the fuck is Vajrakila?” I growled, standing to my full height. “All I want is my life back!” I ripped off my coat, letting the bulge of my stomach shift, revealing the four extra arms I kept folded behind the cloth and out of sight. “I want to see my daughter! I want her to know I’m alive, that I am alright!” I shouted. “These things changed everything!”
Shiva let out a great sigh. “There is no way to remove Vajrakila from you. You are Vajrakila.”
“You’re not listen—“
“Quiet!” Shiva snapped, the word clamping my jaw shut again. I glared at him. “Let me finish. Your power has only half manifested. In time you will be able to control it. The arms will go away.”
I paused, feeling my lips release again. “You’re certain?”
“While you remain in human form they will. Though it is not such a wise move with the number of Azuras out there.”
“Azuras?”
“Demons who think they can do my job better than I can.”
I frowned, still not understanding. Perhaps the man really did have a few screws loose. “What is your job?”
Shiva flashed me a wicked grin. “My, my Anton, you don’t even remember who I am? That hurts. I suppose I should be happy that you remembered my name, if nothing else. I’m death, the destroyer. How else would I know that you would come to me? How else did you know to come here?”
“You’re death?”
“In a nutshell.” Shiva picked up the letter-opener again, holding it up before his nose. “And those bastard Azuras are making my job very difficult. Killing people before they’re ready. They’re messing with the world’s balance. You should see the cues waiting for reincarnation! It’s ridiculous. Yama can hardly keep up. If they end the world and overrun it before Vishnu gets here I’ll become a laughing stock.”
I listened, considered hard and then spoke. “I should go.” The longer I stayed the more bizarre everything became.
“Wait, not so fast.” Shiva sharp voice stopped me in my tracks. “I can’t let you leave with no memory and your power only half intact. It’s only a matter of time before the Azuras find you.”
“If you’re not going to help me, then I have no reason to stay here.” I replied. “I’m going back to my family.”
“I have already told you. You are dead to them.” Shiva paused. “I’ll make you a deal. Work for me, get your memories in order, sort out your appendage problem and I will give you your old life back.”
I opened my mouth, rage flushing through my body as the realisation hit me. “You mean it was you who killed me?! You were the one who arranged the crash?!”
Shiva raised a cool eyebrow. “Of course, when its time to go, its time to go. I didn’t realise you were Vajrakila. There was no way of knowing. Your power only works once your dead. You gave Yama quite a surprise popping back to life as he was taking your soul away.”
My teeth ground against each other and I struggled to find a fitting response. I drew blanks. Instead I squared my shoulders, turned my back and stormed from the office.
***
Shiva watched Vajrakila go, looking awkward and ungainly in his half awakened form. It couldn’t be helped. Vajrakila would eventually get his memories sorted and ability under control. Shiva reached across the desk for the phone and dialled, glancing down at the Phurbu lying on the desk. The small dagger gave him a knowing glint – it knew its master had returned.
In his ear the phone line rang twice, then picked up.
“Tell Garuda I have a mission for him—I don’t care that he’s waiting. He can use this to pass the time.”
Shiva put down the phone and turned back to the dagger. It was too bad. It had been such a nice letter-opener.
“Uh, who?”
“Benzarkila, Dorje Phurba, whatever it is you call yourself these days.”
“My name is Anton.”
Shiva raised a thin eyebrow in my direction. I swallowed hard, my gaze lingering on the snake coiled about his neck. The creature was so still (covered in gold and blood rubies) that it could have been mistaken for an ornate piece of jewellery, but for the forked tongue that darted in and out at every interval, scenting the air. Had I mentioned that I hated snakes?
“All I want—“
“Is a solution to your little problem is it?” Shiva’s eyes ran over the shabby trench coat slung over my shoulders and the bulge of my stomach underneath.
“I was told if I came here you could help me,” I said, shifting in my seat. The snake’s tongue flickered in my direction, its black eyes watching, unblinking. Shiva sat considering unkempt, unshaven, disheveled me. I looked like a rat that had just crawled out of a garbage bin having survived the claws of a hungry cat.
Shiva gave me a thin grin, displaying a set of perfect teeth, white and straight, from under his lip. I sensed the prowl of something waiting beyond that face and wondered if I had not traded the cat for something much worse.
“Tell me,” he began. “How long has it been like this? A week? A month?”
“A year. Can you fix me or not?”
“Fix?” Shiva let out a laugh. “Fix? You really don’t remember?”
I looked at him, bewildered. Remember what? Shiva cast me a sly look, the edge of his lips curling upwards into a knowing grin. He reminded me of the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland that I used to read to my daughter when she was a child. I felt my temper begin to grate.
“Now, now, don’t get angry.” Shiva held up a hand. “Perhaps you should start from the beginning. Tell me what happened.”
I shifted in my seat again. Feeling an itch crawl up my back. “The last thing I remember was the accident. A car accident,” I sought to clarify. “I was driving back from my daughter’s wedding. Some idiot ran a red light.” I folded my arms. “Next thing I knew I woke up in some dingy motel in the middle of nowhere.”
Shiva picked up a small letter opener from his desk. Resting the tip against one finger as he turned it over with his other hand. “And?” he prompted.
“Turned out I had been missing for months.”
“You don’t remember how you got there?”
I shook my head.
Shiva fell silent, considering me. “And the arms?”
I looked back at the man, taken back. I had not mentioned that to anyone.
“You thought I didn’t know?” Shiva’s dark eyes watched me. “This is not the first time we’ve met Vajrakila. I know what’s under your coat.”
“I told you my name is Anton.”
“No, Anton is dead.”
I blinked. Unless I was mistaken I was very much alive.
Shiva put down the letter-opener, “You went back to your daughter’s house. She didn’t recognise you. Even when you insisted, she had her husband throw you out. You even found your own grave.”
I looked at the man’s angled features, my jaw clenched tight against the insult begging to be spat across the room. The only thing that held it back was my own astonishment. What Shiva had said was true. How had he known? Those sharp eyes did not look like those of a madman.
“Anton Wells, the single father, the science professor, the scholar is gone. That life is over.” Shiva looked across the desk. “You belong to me now.”
I felt my fists clench. “I belong to no one,” I growled. “My—“
“Shush,” Shiva’s voice cut over my own, its weight snapping my jaw shut. My eyes bulged, panic rising my chest as I tried to open my mouth, but couldn’t.
“The world is different.” Shiva stood, voice turning quiet. “Have you noticed? Things feel off. Wrong.”
I swallowed. He had that one right on the mark. And I was sure my extra appendages had something to do with it.
“You’re right, they do.”
My gaze snapped onto the man. I hadn’t said the thought aloud.
Shiva sank back into his chair. “You are Vajrakila, Anton. You may not remember now, but it will come back to you.” The snake around his neck gave a small hiss, shifting its coils about Shiva’s collar.
“Vajrakila, Vajrakila, who the fuck is Vajrakila?” I growled, standing to my full height. “All I want is my life back!” I ripped off my coat, letting the bulge of my stomach shift, revealing the four extra arms I kept folded behind the cloth and out of sight. “I want to see my daughter! I want her to know I’m alive, that I am alright!” I shouted. “These things changed everything!”
Shiva let out a great sigh. “There is no way to remove Vajrakila from you. You are Vajrakila.”
“You’re not listen—“
“Quiet!” Shiva snapped, the word clamping my jaw shut again. I glared at him. “Let me finish. Your power has only half manifested. In time you will be able to control it. The arms will go away.”
I paused, feeling my lips release again. “You’re certain?”
“While you remain in human form they will. Though it is not such a wise move with the number of Azuras out there.”
“Azuras?”
“Demons who think they can do my job better than I can.”
I frowned, still not understanding. Perhaps the man really did have a few screws loose. “What is your job?”
Shiva flashed me a wicked grin. “My, my Anton, you don’t even remember who I am? That hurts. I suppose I should be happy that you remembered my name, if nothing else. I’m death, the destroyer. How else would I know that you would come to me? How else did you know to come here?”
“You’re death?”
“In a nutshell.” Shiva picked up the letter-opener again, holding it up before his nose. “And those bastard Azuras are making my job very difficult. Killing people before they’re ready. They’re messing with the world’s balance. You should see the cues waiting for reincarnation! It’s ridiculous. Yama can hardly keep up. If they end the world and overrun it before Vishnu gets here I’ll become a laughing stock.”
I listened, considered hard and then spoke. “I should go.” The longer I stayed the more bizarre everything became.
“Wait, not so fast.” Shiva sharp voice stopped me in my tracks. “I can’t let you leave with no memory and your power only half intact. It’s only a matter of time before the Azuras find you.”
“If you’re not going to help me, then I have no reason to stay here.” I replied. “I’m going back to my family.”
“I have already told you. You are dead to them.” Shiva paused. “I’ll make you a deal. Work for me, get your memories in order, sort out your appendage problem and I will give you your old life back.”
I opened my mouth, rage flushing through my body as the realisation hit me. “You mean it was you who killed me?! You were the one who arranged the crash?!”
Shiva raised a cool eyebrow. “Of course, when its time to go, its time to go. I didn’t realise you were Vajrakila. There was no way of knowing. Your power only works once your dead. You gave Yama quite a surprise popping back to life as he was taking your soul away.”
My teeth ground against each other and I struggled to find a fitting response. I drew blanks. Instead I squared my shoulders, turned my back and stormed from the office.
***
Shiva watched Vajrakila go, looking awkward and ungainly in his half awakened form. It couldn’t be helped. Vajrakila would eventually get his memories sorted and ability under control. Shiva reached across the desk for the phone and dialled, glancing down at the Phurbu lying on the desk. The small dagger gave him a knowing glint – it knew its master had returned.
In his ear the phone line rang twice, then picked up.
“Tell Garuda I have a mission for him—I don’t care that he’s waiting. He can use this to pass the time.”
Shiva put down the phone and turned back to the dagger. It was too bad. It had been such a nice letter-opener.