Oh. It's You

“UNICORNS!” Emily screamed running towards me, “RUUN!”
“Don’t you dare run, Mikey likes unicorns, they’re awe-”
“Ow!” I cried, as I rolled off the seat/sofa and hit the floor, just missing the table by a few inches, was it just me, or was one side of the floor sinking?
I felt arms wrap around my waist, pulling me up and sitting me back down, I tilted my head to the side for a second, “Kevin…are we on the Titanic?”
I heard him chuckle lightly, “No, we’re about to land in Germany.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, I think you’re still half asleep..” He mumbled, pulling me closer to him.
“Asleep? Me no..” I said, laying my head on his shoulder.
“We’ll be landing any minute.”
“Mhhm..” I mumbled closing my eyes.
“Lauren? Lauren? Wake up?” I heard Kevin’s voice, but I didn’t move.
“Here, let me wake her.” I heard Rachael say.
“Kevin, if you let that happen, I’d be serious about testing your mental health.” Emily mumbled.
“I’m sure I’ll be able to wake her up.” Kevin said.
“Hah, I’d love to see you try.” Rachael retorted.
“Lauren? Wake up?!”
“No..” I mumbled.
“Just move out of the way, I’ll wake her.” Rachael muttered.
“No you won’t!” Kevin said quickly.
“Yes, I fucking well will, and if you don’t move you’ll be wide awake too.”
Within a second, I felt ice-cold water splash me, and when I say splash I should say pour over me, I was drenched…and freezing. “RACHAEL! YOU LITTLE BITCH!” I screamed, standing up, my teeth now chattering, did she freakin’ go to the Artic to get that water?!
“Told you I’d wake her.” Rachael said smirking at Kevin, he was staring at her, his mouth wide open, then I noticed he was wet too, so he didn’t move.
“How did you get water that cold?!” He asked.
Rachael put her hands behind her back, “I’m magical.” She said, then skipped off the plane.
“I need to change..” I whispered.
“Me too.”
I looked at him, “How did she get the water?”
He shrugged, “I have not got a clue, but I will end up with frostbite if I don’t change.”
“Kevin. She got your clothes. I. am. Soaked. From.head.to. Toe. I’m colder.”
He watched me, “Well we kinda have to go to the hotel now..”
“Now? As in this minute?”
He nodded slowly.
“I need to get changed.”
“So do I.”
“But I’m frozen, I’m a freaking ice-cube!”
“I’m cold too.” He said quietly.
“But I am becoming an icicle.”
“But the clothes are in the limo.”
“Please…tell me you are joking.”
“I wish I could.”
I tried to breathe deeply, “I’m most likely going to be photographed soaked?”
“Well I could always be worse.”
“I could be photographed soaked?”
He rolled his eyes, “Come on, the quicker you come, the quicker we get to the hotel, the quicker we get to get changed.”
I crossed my arms. “I’m too cold to move.”
“You just crossed your arms, your not that cold, come on.” He said holding out his hand.
I took his hand, “If my picture ends up on the front of a German tabloid, I will be ninja like.”
He chuckled, “I’ll protect you.”

~oOo~

We were sitting in the hotel room, and I was wrapped in a dressing gown, sitting beside Kevin, “There’s no concert tonight?”
“No.”
“Movie premier?”
“No.”
“Press conference?”
“No.”
“So I can get into my bedclothes?” I said hopefully.
“No.”
“Why?!”
“We’re going out for a meal.”
“Seriously?!”
“Yes.”
“Ugh. I’m going to get changed then.”
“Okay.”
“Formal?”
“Hm..It is kind of.”
I looked to Rachael, “No, I’m not changing out of this” She said, she of course was wearing an MCR top.
“We’re not going to bother changing either, we’re too tired.” Emily and Rebecca said.
“Fine” I mumbled, walking into my room to get changed.

When I returned back into the room, Rebecca’s eyes widened, “Where did you get that Prada bag?!”
“Uh..Prada?”
“How the hell did you afford it?”
“Prada gave it to me..”
“You have got to be kidding me..” She said, staring at the bad with wide eyes.
“Nope.”
“Why does everyone love you?!” She asked.
I shrugged, “Not everyone does.”
Rachael rolled her eyes, and took out her new blackberry.
“I have that phone.” Nick said from across the room.
Rachael put the blackberry down, “Well now I’ll just have to burn this one. Thanks.”
I rolled my eyes, “It’s just a phone.”
“No Lauren, He has the same phone as me, and that is unbearable.”
“Yeah, because Boyfriends and Girlfriends tend to get the same phones, something you’re not telling us Rachael?” Rebecca asked.
“No. I feel truly unloved though..” Rachael mumbled.
“Why?” Nick asked.
“Because no one will buy me a laptop..”
“Okay…Let’s go.” Kevin mumbled.

We walked to the restaurant, and because it was dark, we didn’t need a bodyguard [Rachael had sworn not to hurt them, we could only hope that she wouldn’t, although I’m sure Big Rob was watching us somehow]
As we sat down at a table, I took a look at the menu, not expecting to understand a thing, but was surprised when it was in English, which was cool, and very good. Because the only other language I knew was French..
“Who’s having what?” The waitress asked, she sounded American, and yes I was confused.
“I’ll just have the soup please.” I said quietly.
“I’ll have the pasta.” Rachael said.
“I will too.” Rebecca said.
Emily was looking at the menu, “Hm..can I have the lasagne?”
The waitress nodded,
“I will too.” Joe said.
“I’ll just have the Chicken please.” Nick said.
“I’ll have the same as Nick.” Kevin said from beside me.
The waitress nodded and walked off, and another on came along wait a glass of wine for each of us.
“Um, sorry we don’t drink..” Nick mumbled.
“It’s compulsory, and you can drink at thirteen here.” Emily said.
Everyone looked at her,
“What? I do German.”
I took my glass of wine and poured it into the plant that was sitting in the centre of the table.
Everyone just stared at me,
“I don’t drink. I took the pledge, and I intend to stick to it.”
Rachael snorted, “I broke that like ten minutes later.”
I rolled my eyes at her.
“Yeah,…but I go by Gee’s pledge instead…”
“Right.” I said quietly.
Kevin poured his drink into the flower quickly.
No one questioned him though.
“You know, when Joe gets drunk he thinks his awesome and starts to sing Why, why, why Delilah.” I said lightly.
Everyone looked at Joe with wide eyes and then at me, I rolled my eyes, “Not your Joe, my uncle Joe.”
“Oh..” Nick mumbled.
Rachael shook her head, and took a gulp from the wine.
“What happened to the pledge, Rachael?” I asked.
“I can’t remember.” She answered.
“Jesus, how strong is that stuff?” I asked.
She shrugged, “’Dunno, I‘m not Jesus..but it’s good” She said, taking another mouthful.
What I hadn’t noticed was that Emily and Joe were already halfway through their glasses of wine, and they didn’t look very steady.
I glanced at Kevin worriedly.
“Hah, I never knew………….I can’t remember….” Rebecca said slurring her words.
“..I…say the..same..” Nick mumbled.
“Oh my god.” I whispered.
“This is not good.” Kevin said quietly.
“It’s crimbo!” Emily said loudly, it was hard to actually understand her.
“I freakin’ love you.” Joe said, laying his head on her shoulder.
I started to bite my nails, “Maybe we should leave..?” I asked Kevin.
“..Why..why..why…Del..-” Joe’s head hit the table.
“I agree completely.” Kevin said quickly.
Nick stumbled over to sit at Rachael’s side. “Hello..Beautiful..”
“Hello..Gerard Way.”
“No, this is not good, she’s so drunk on one glass of wine she thinks Nick is Gerard.”
“This is really bad.” Kevin said quietly in agreement.
A lot of people in the restaurant had tuned to stare.
“Why don’t we just go?” I asked.
“I agree, lets.”
I stood up, with Kevin by my side, “Whatever you all do, please be able to get back to the hotel.”
“Be safe!” Emily slurred.
I looked at her, and before I could scream at her, Kevin caught my hand and we practically ran out of the restaurant, I wasn’t hungry any way.
“What do we do?” I asked as we walked back to the hotel.
“I’m not sure…they’re all pretty pissed.” Kevin said quietly.
“Agreed..”
“I just hope they don’t do anything stupid.” Kevin said quietly.
“Yeah me too..I can just imagine what could happen.”
“I don’t even want to do that.” He whispered, as we walked in the doors of the hotel.
“I’m never going out with them again.”
“I can safely say, neither am I.”
“I love you, Kevin.”
We walked into the elevator, he wrapped his arm around my waist, “I love you too.”
I grinned at him, “What do you want to do tonight?” I asked.
He watched me, “How about you stay in my room and we watch a movie, and forget about the others and all the things they’ll be capable of doing?”
“That sounds like a great idea. What movie?”
He looked thoughtful for a minute, “How about…oh I don’t know..Coraline?”
I glanced at him. “I’ve already seen it, but I suppose, anything with you sounds good.”
He chuckled, “Coraline it is then.”
As I lay in bed beside Kevin, his arms wrapped around me, I was starting to feel the jet lag clossing in and my eyes were closing, anyway Coraline was boring me.

~oOo~
I woke up beside Kevin, who was still sound asleep, so I got out of bed, got changed into what I was wearing last night, which I would change into something new once I got a shower, and I walked down to the dining room, where waitresses were taking orders, I had a horrid headache, I wasn’t hung over, it was the fact that I wouldn’t be sociable until I got coffee.
“What would you like ma’am?” A waitress asked.
“A coffee please, and a slice of toast.”
She nodded. “I’ll have it for you any minute.”
“Thanks.” I mumbled, as I pulled over the newspaper, and I had to look twice at the headline,
Nick Jonas, officially off the market. Married last night in Germany.
“I’m just dreaming, I’m just dreaming.” I muttered, pinching my arm, “Ow..okay…maybe I’m not dreaming.”
I looked at the picture, it was Nick and Rachael stumbling out of a small church last night.

The latest scandal involving the Jonas Girls, is the surprising marriage between Rachael and Nick. Didn’t we all know that they would be together sooner or later? Well…if we did we never imagined this! Apparently, Nick, Rachael, Rebecca, Emily and Joe all got drunk last night, I know shocker right? But don’t you ask, where was Lauren and Kevin while this was unfolding? They reportedly never touched any alcohol, but escaped back to the hotel, looking mortified, something you care to tell us there you two?
Joe and Emily are reported to have left the restaurant first, and were caught kissing publicly before stumbling to the hotel.
Rebecca was the next to leave, and she left alone, and had a hard time walking in a straight line.
Then our couple of the moment left the restaurant, not in any way sober, but they were laughing, joking and holding hands, it wasn’t expected that they’d walk into a church, as they are saying, Rachael faked an I.D and Nick bribed the priest, and he is also reported to have paid a hobo to act as a witness, they then stumbled out of the church, Rachael sporting Nick’s purity ring. They then returned to the hotel, and the rest is history, how long do you all expect this to last? We’re guessing until they both sober up. But the question that’ll remain, will Nick be able to wear the notorious purity ring after this, or will he be ring-less? We’re also guessing at the ring-less.

I stared at the article for a few minutes, until I saw Emily sitting down across from me, “I have such a hangover…” She mumbled.
“Wouldn’t surprise me.”
“You haven’t got coffee yet, have you?”
“Nope.”
“You seem more pissed than normal?”
A waitress came over and placed coffee and a scrambled egg in front of Emily.
“Why did you get your food before me?”
“’Dunno.”
“Right.”
“Why are you glaring at the newspaper?”
“Because…this.” I said holding up the newspaper for her to see.
“Wow..Rachael’s fucked.” Emily whispered shocked.
“And I’m guessing in every literal sense of the meaning of the word.”
She ate a spoon of her egg. “It’s bound to happen to everyone sometime.” She shrugged.
“Our best friend just got married to someone she hates, this is not going to be a g-”
“Lauren, would you mind shutting up? Your voice is making my headache worse.”
I glared at her,
“Uh…I feel sick, I’m going..” She said running off to a bathroom.
Joe came down five minutes later and sat in Emily’s place. “Hey.” He said, sounding half asleep.
“hey.” I mumbled, I still hadn’t gotten my coffee.
“What has you so pissed?”
“Did you know your brother got married last night?” I asked.
“Wow, Congratulations, It’s great having you as a sister in law.”
“Not Kevin you idiot, you have another brother.”
“Frankie? Married? No…he’s too young.”
“NICK! JOE, NICK!”I shouted, turning a few heads in the process and Joe covering his ears.
“Slight hangover here…” He mumbled. “but who did Nick get married to?”
“Rachael.”
“Repeat that again, I think I heard you wrong.” He mumbled.
“Rachael is your sister in law.”
“Does that mean she won’t hurt me anymore?” He asked hopefully.
“No, It’ll probably just get worse.”
“Ugh..” He moaned, banging his head onto the table, only because he wasn’t paying any attention his face was now covered in scrambled egg. Which was a funny sight.
“I’m going to go change…” He mumbled, walking away.
I wanted my coffee…no wait I NEEDED coffee right now.
Rachael ended up sitting across from me, she still actually looked pissed.
“What happened last night? I can’t remember a thing.”

You gotta help me out
It’s all a blur last night
We need a private jet, ‘cause you’re hung-over and I’m still drunk
I faked an I.D, but you bribed a priest
Spare me your freakin’ loving looks
Now don’t push me,
Or I’ll shoot you and get the hell outta town.

Don’t be a dumb ass
Remember what you told me, even though I don’t
Shut up, and put your money where your mouth is
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany
Get up and brush the dirt off your clothes now
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany

Why are these lights so bright?
Oh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like rockstars
And why, why am I wearing your purity ring?
Don’t call your mother
‘Cause she’ll slit our throats

Don’t be a dumb ass
Remember what you told me, even though I don’t
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany
Get up and brush the dirt off your clothes now
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany

You got me into this
Alcohol overload, situation lost control
Send out and S.O.S [No not your song]
And get some cash out
We’re gonna get a divorce

Don’t be a baby
Remember what you told me, ‘cause I don’t. Remember what you told me, ‘Cause I don’t, remember what you told me, ‘cause I don’t
Told me, Told me, Told me
‘Cause I don’t, ‘Cause I don’t, ‘Cause I don’t
Shut up and put your money where your mouth is
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany
Get up and brush the dirt off your clothes now
That’s what you get for waking up in Germany
Brush the dust, Brush, Brush, Brush the dist, C’mon!
Give me some cash out baby, or I’ll hurt you
Give me some cash out, honey, or I’ll kill you.

I watched her, “Well you got pissed, and married Nick Jonas.”
Her eyes widened, “I DID WHAT?!?!”
"You got pissed, and you still look it, then you got married to Nicholas." I said slowly.
"No. No. No."
"Yes."
"I cannot possibly be Rachael Jonas, I don't even fucking remember what happened!"
"You don't remember anything?" I asked.
"No...should I?"
"Well...where did you wake up?"
"Germany."
"Well clap clap." I muttered.
"On the sofa in Nick's room..." She shuddered as she said that.
"And where was Nick?"
"Lying on the floor, at first I thought he was dead, but I had no such luck."
"Well your married."
She put her head in her hands, "I need to get a divorce lawyer."
"Wow, didn't even last a day."
"I'm getting a splitting headache, shut up."
Rebecca came down the stairs, and sat down beside Rachael, she looked extremely tired.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"I got married last night." Rachael mumbled.
Rebecca laughed, "Yeah, and I met an alien."
"I married Nick.."
"And I kissed a dinosaur" Rebecca said, not believing a word that Rachael was saying.
"Here." I said pushing the newspaper over to Rebecca.
"Oh holy moley, you did marry Nick.."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you einsteinette." Rachael said through her teeth.
"So....urm...have you two done it then?" Rebecca asked.
Rachael moaned, putting her head on the table, "I don't know!"
"You should remember something like that.."
"Then I probably didn't." Rachael said quietly.
"Or you hope."
"Shut the fuck up Rebecca or I'll throw you through the wall."
"Oh, by the way we're going to the 17 again premiere tonight, there has to be something red in your clothing."
"Lauren, piss off."
"Then get me Coffee!" I growled.
"You know what? I think I'll just go back to bed. Then I'll wake up and this wil all have been a dream." Rachael said.
"That's not going to happen, sorry." I said quietly.
She raised her head to glare at me, "I told you to shut up!" She said, throwing a knife at me.
"Ow, you little bitch." I said, placing the knife on the table, and wiping the bit of blood that was on my arm off.
"Serves you right."
"Piss off Jonas." I muttered.
"I WANT A DIVORCE!" Rachael screamed, everyone in the dining room turned to stare at her with wide eyes.