Oh. It's You

“BUT IT’S NOT FAIR!” Emily shouted, stomping her foot on the ground, like a five year old.
“Life’s not fair!” Rachael yelled back at her.
Joe Nick and Kevin were staring at them, looking terrified, I was sitting on the sofa, watching the screaming match.
“But he SHOULD be here!”
“But he’s NOT going to be! Get over it!” Rachael growled.
Emily glared at her, “Would you like to have to give birth without Nick there?” She asked
“One; I wouldn’t be pregnant. And two; Yeah, I’d have someone else there, simple.”
“Ugh! You’re so difficult!” Emily moaned.
“And you’re so pregnant….and yeah..” Rachael retorted.
“No? Really? I never knew….wow….I’m pregnant.” Emily said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Oh, ha. Ha.” Rachael muttered.
“My point is he is not going to be here, he NEEDS to be here!”
“And I have to go on a tour where the porn star daughter of a mullet wearing hillbilly will be!” Rachael growled.
Joe looked down at the floor, but I could see his shoulders shake violently, Nick was having a hard time keeping a straight face, and Kevin was biting his lip to stop him from laughing out loud, I tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to, but Emily tilted her head to the side, “You don’t wear a mullet.” She stated matter of factly.
“Well, I wouldn’t freaking call it a hairstyle, so I’m going with wearing it, or it’s a freaking wig.”
“It wasn’t a wig.”
“Okay, then it was a dead animal, agreed?” Rachael asked.
Emily rolled her eyes, “I believe the Cyrus’ are all about loving animals.”
Rachael snorted, glanced at Nick, then back at Emily, “That figures.” She mumbled under her breath.
I saw Nick look insulted for a minute, but both Joe and Kevin seemed to be enjoying this bitching match.
Emily snorted, “Then they aren’t the only ones…” She mumbled, and under her breath I heard her mumble, “Says the person who married Nick.”
Rachael glared at her, “And that’s coming from the person who’s having a bastard child.”
“Children.” Emily said matter of factly, not looking the slightest bit insulted.
Rachael sighed, “I’ll make sure to call them that as much as possible.”
“You’ll seriously decrease their confidence.” Emily muttered.
“That’s your own fault.” Rachael said matter of factly.
“Actually, it’s Joe’s.” Emily stated.
Joe looked up at Emily with wide eyes, and before he could open his mouth, I interrupted them.
“Actually, it’s both your faults, you jumped into bed with each other when you first met, didn’t use protection, now you’re pregnant. Both your faults.” I said, looking up at the them both from the couch I was sitting cross legged on.
“She’s so right.” Rachael said lightly.
Emily sighed, “But..but….I wanna go on tour with you all….I want Joe to be here with me, when I have to go to the hospital.”
“You’re the one who got pregnant.” Rachael mumbled.
Emily’s head turned to Rachael quickly, as if she’d just thought of a genius plan. “I know!!”she exclaimed.
Rachael stared at her, “No shit? Really? Like it’s not blatently obvious with you getting bigger and bigger or anything..” She said sarcastically.
“No, not me being pregnant!” Emily said rolling her eyes. “You really don’t want to go on the tour, and I can’t, you could stay here with me!” Emily said, grinning widely, clearly pleased with her epiphany .
I saw Nick glare at Emily, for a second, before he saw that I was watching him and looked away.
Rachael looked thoughtful for a minute, “Hmm, now, I have two choices..” She mumbled.
Emily stared at her, waiting for an answer.
“It’s either stay here, with one of my best friends, who is pregnant as a result of pure stupidity, and have to babysit her, OR my other option is to go on tour, try to kill Nick, and succeed in killing Hoe Cyrus, make sure Lauren doesn’t try to kill herself again, and become great friends with Selena and Demi…I choose the latter, no offence, Em.” Rachael said quietly, “But I would quite love to rid the world of Horse face.”
“Actually, Rachael. Trace is called horse face, and an overly tattoed jerk.” I mumbled.
“Trace is her brother, right?So they are related, making them both horse faces. Comprendé?” She asked.
“Wow. You really hate her, don’t you?” Joe asked.
Rachael turned around to face him, “No, I adore her, I’m going to dump Nick, and run off with Miley into the sunset, where we’ll get married, and live happily ever after.” Rachael said bluntly.
Joe stared at her confused.
“Dumb airhead, it’s sarcasm, I have a perfect plan to kill her in the most violent and painful way possible, and I intend on doing just that.” Rachael muttered.
“Quelle surprise.” I mumbled.
“I know, isn’t it just?” Rachael asked, sarcasm in her voice.
“Okay! Can we get back to why we actually called this meeting?!” Nick asked, loudly all of a sudden.
“Why?” Rachael whined, “It means I have to hear your voice.”
“The last time I checked, you liked it when I screamed.” He retorted, ignoring Emily, who had collapsed onto the sofa laughing loudly at his comment.
Joe’s mouth had dropped open, and he looked even more amused then before, Kevin’s head was in his hands and I could see his shoulders shake with laughter, I watched Rachael become a deep scarlet and tried my hardest not to laugh out loud at Rachael’s embarrassed expression, and Nick’s uber smug one.
“Well.” Rachael said calmly, the colour fading from her cheeks, “When you scream, technically you don’t talk, so it’s good all around.” She said, smiling smugly at Nick, who’s smug expression had disappeared.
“Best.Comeback.Ever.” Emily said in between laughs.
“Thank you.” Rachael said grinning. “And he admitted it in ‘Bounce’ he specifically said ‘Imma kinda guy who likes to scream.’” She said, making her voice high pitched to mock Nick.
“Okay..” Joe said, still laughing slightly, staring amusedly at Nick’s shocked face. “Oh come on, Nick, of course she’s able to have a comeback like that. Don’t be so shocked.” Joe said, winking at Rachael, to which she stuck out her tongue at him.
I saw Kevin raise an eyebrow, and look between Rachael and Joe, then he shook his head, “So Nick, do you want to continue what you were saying before?”
Nick blinked and looked at Kevin, “Um…what was that?” He asked.
“About what this meeting really was for.” Kevin said slowly, as if he was talking to a child.
“Oh, um..yeah.” He mumbled, “First of all, congratulations for us selling out Ireland in a few minutes!” He said, smiling slightly.
My head snapped up from the book I was reading absentmindedly, “Oh, no way am I going back to Ireland.” I said quickly.
They all turned around to face me, “How can you not come to Ireland? What are you going to do?” Nick asked.
I stood up and grabbed the touring schedule off of Nick, and sat back down, reading through the insane amount of dates, “Hmm, well….you’ll be in Manchester two days before you play in Dublin, when you get the plane to Dublin, I’ll get the plane to uh…-”
“-Here, with me!” Emily cut in, looking at me hopefully.
“Yeah, back to L.A. then I’ll meet you in Paris, there is no way I’m missing Paris.”
I saw Joe and Kevin both look between Emily and I, then at each other.
“Please.” Emily said, suddenly, “She’s married to Kevin, please keep those thoughts to yourselves, nothing’s going to happen if she comes here on her own.” She said, and she sounded extremely pissed off.
Nick coughed, “Um, so yeah, Lauren will come to L.A. to be with Emily for two days, then she’ll go to Paris, and meet us there, that sounds cool.” He said, changing the subject.
“Unless I go into labour while she’s still here?” Emily asked.
I glared at Emily, “WHAT?!”
“My due date is around then.”
I stood up, dropping the sheets on the sofa, and walked over to Emily, placing my hands on her shoulders, “You will not go into labour while I am here, because you know how much I want to visit Paris, okay?” I asked, mentally adding to myself, that there would also be no way I’d be able to cope if she went into labour in my presence.
Emily nodded slowly, “Although I can’t really control that..”
I smiled forcefully at her, “Please?”
Emily just stared at me, “No, really, I can’t control when I go into labour.”
“Ohmygodhahawowthisisawesome!” Rachael shouted, pointing at the TV a huge smile on her face.
I let go of Emily’s shoulders, in pure shock, as Nick silently turned up the volume to be greeted by an overly cheery E! News presenter.
“This just in! Are Kevin snr, and Denise Jonas expecting another singing sensation?!”
“WHAT?!” Nick shouted.
“Oh Emily, when Denise sees this she will slaughter you.” I whispered.
“Shit.” Emily said quietly.
“Shh!” Nick said quickly, seeming to be over his slight shock.
“The happy couple were seem shopping, and buying quite a lot of maternity wear, what do YOU think? We’d love to hear your feedback, more on this story later!”
Joe flicked the TV off with the remote he’d taken off Nick.
“Well, Emily, If we weren’t already amazed that our mom hadn’t killed you yet, we’re going to be convinced you’re immortal if you survive this.” Kevin mumbled.
“Thanks Kev!” Emily said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “That makes me feel so much safer in my current scared shitless of Denise state.”
“Couldn’t blame you. Be careful, she might use cyanide.” Rachael said lightly.
“Thank you, Mrs. Jonas.” Emily said sarcastically.
Rachael glared at her, “Why couldn’t I have kept the name Mooney and not have Jonas in my name?”
“Denise.” We all answered at the same time.
Rachael then turned to Emily, “I feel your pain, I really do.”
“Although you’re probably being sarcastic, thank you.” Emily said quietly.
“Will we actually ever have this meeting?” Nick asked.
“Probably not.” I mumbled.

~oOo~

“You sing like you’re a cat that’s being strangled!” Rachael was shouting at Nick, when I walked into the sitting room, I stared at both of them clueless.
Nick was glaring at Rachael, “So you never want me to try seranade you?”
“No. I’d rather be serenaded by Hoe cyrus.” Rachael muttered.
“Okay….” I said, making them both jump and turn around to face me, haha, I scared them. “He tried to serenade you? And you don’t like it?” I asked, confused, “That’s one of the romantic things ever.”
Rachael stared at me blankly, “Lauren. I love animals, especially cats, and I’m all for animal rights, so I’m very against someone singing to me which sounds like a cat being strangled.” Rachael said seriously.
I looked up at Nick, who was staring at Rachael with a hurt expression. “Well a million girls would die to have me serenade them.” Nick mumbled.
I shook my head, knowing Rachael would definitely say something about that.
Rachael snorted, “A million?” She said, before breaking out into laughter, “You mean tone deaf, idiots.” She muttered, “And maybe all of five.”
Nick rolled his eyes.
“Stop fighting!” I shouted, “You’re going on tour in a few days, you will have to get along, you know that right Rachael? Or else Miley might weave herself into Nick’s arms, and we all know that deep down you don’t want that to happen.”
Rachael rolled her eyes, took Nick by the arm and walked out of the room.
“Okay..” I mumbled, “I do not want to know..”
“EMILY CORKISH AND JOESEPH JONAS GET DOWN HERE NOW!” Denise screamed up the stairs, then I heard her head towards the sitting room, where I was….crap. I jumped over the back of the sofa quickly, and hid there, seriously, you would not blame me, Denise was in a scarily angry mood.
And I didn’t have time to escape from this room.
So now I was like a spy.
Yay.
I heard footsteps, then people sit down in silence, then the sitting room door bang, I flinched as the sound echoed through my brain.
“Because of you two everyone thinks I’M pregnant!” Denise shouted.
I bit my lip, and wrapped my arms around my legs, I was terrified.
“You can always say you’re not, like Lauren did. Many times.” Emily whispered.
Ouch.
“I have. They don’t believe me, and it’s all your fault!” Denise growled.
“I’m sorry!” Emily and Joe said at the same time.
“You better be.” Denise said through gritted teeth, “By the way, your father has agreed to marry you two.”
Haha. Sucks for them.
“WHAT?!” Emily shouted. “I don’t want to get married yet!” She said distastefully, almost spitting out the word ‘married’.
“I agree.” Joe mumbled, sounding quieter than ever, “I want to get married when we both want to, when we’re both ready to share that magical moment.”
“Well you both should have thought about that before getting pregnant.” Denise hissed.
“Joe’s not pregnant.” Emily said innocently.
I tried to stifle a laugh.
“I know that.” Denise muttered.
“But you said-”
“-Ignore what I said.”
“Okay, so we’re not getting married, thank you Denise.” Emily said quickly.
I heard Denise take a couple of really deep breaths. “I’m going.” She muttered, before walking out of the sitting room and slamming the door behind her.
“Wow.” Emily whispered.
“I know, she’s scary today.”
“She’s scary every day.” Emily muttered.
“No.” Joe said quietly.
“Well for me, she is.” Emily mumbled.
“Is there any way I can make it better?” Joe asked,
Emily giggled.
Okay, time to get out of here, now.
I stood up, “Sorry, excuse me, I’m going, now that it’s safe to get out of here without being killed by hurricane Denise.”
Emily screamed when she saw me and fell off the sofa in fright.
Joe just stared at me confused.
“I’m not that scary am I?” I asked, half teasingly and half serious.
“Where did you come from?!” Emily asked.
I sighed, “Well, when a man and a woman-”
“I KNOW THAT!” Emily shouted, “I meant how…did you suddenly appear?” She asked in a quieter voice.
“Are you some sort of witch or something?” Joe asked before I could answer.
I smiled slightly, “I was hiding behind the sofa because I didn’t want to be killed by Denise, I didn’t have time to get out, but I do like the witch idea..a lot.”
I saw Emily glare at me, “Okay….sorry for ruining your moment…I’m going to pack….” I mumbled, walking swiftly out of the room.

~oOo~

“No! Don’t leave me here! Pleaseeee” Emily begged, blocking the front door.
“We have to go.” Joe said calmly.
I went up to Emily and hugged her, “You’ll be fine, plus I’ll see you in a few months, okay?”
She nodded slowly, I squeezed out through the front door and ran to the car, where all our bags were already packed. As I got into the car both Rachael and Nick applauded me, “You got out!” Rachael said smiling.
I nodded slowly, Kevin, who was beside me slipped his hand into mine, “We doubt she’ll let Joe go though.”
“Partially the reason we’re leaving two hours before the flight, because she probably won’t let him go.” Nick mumbled, uncertain.
“Lets give it an hour, tops.” Rachael mumbled, taking out her laptop, and switching it on.
I rested my head on Kevin’s shoulder, and closed my eyes, maybe I’d get some sleep.
I jumped when the car door banged shut, “DRIVE!” Joe shouted, out of breath.
As the car speeded off, curtesy of Big Rob, we all turned to stare at Joe. “You seem….eager to get away…” I mumbled.
“I didn’t want to see her cry..and I had to agree to video chat with her every single day.” He mumbled.
“Dude, we’re going to be real busy with press, and sound check parties, there won’t be time to breathe let alone video chat.” Nick said suddenly, in a matter-of-fact voice.
Joe glared at Nick, “I will find time, even if it means staying awake all night.”
“Good luck.” Nick mumbled.
When we arrived at the airport, we put on sunglasses, and walked uber quick to the departure area. We passed a few teenage girls, but they looked at us like we were freaks, well that was better then them realising that the Jonas Brother were in front of them, then being pratically attacked with screams of “OH MY JONAS, IT’S THE JONAS BROTHERS! AHHHH!”
Yeah, so much better.
“When does the flight leave?”
“I think the better question is, why couldn’t we use your jet?” Rachael asked.
“We’re usuing the jet from next week on.”
“But why not now?” Rachael whined. “Being on this flight means I have to sit right beside some obnoxious idiot, that falls asleep on my shoulder.”
“Rachael, I’m sitting beside you.” Nick said quietly.
Rachael nodded, then looked at us, “My point exactly!”
I tried not to laugh, and saw Nick roll his eyes, “By the way we’re meeting, Demi, Selena and Miley at the actual venue tomorrow.”
“Yay, Demi and Selena! Nay, Horse face.” Rachael muttered, then looked up at us, “Get it? Nay, Horse Face, Neigh?”
I shook my head, “No offence, but that was a lame joke.”
She sighed, “Ugh, I tried.”
Nick stared at her for a minute, “I thought it was funny.”
“Why aren’t you laughing then?” She retorted.
“He’s married to you, he’s incapable of showing emotion.” Joe muttered under his breath, but Rachael heard him, and the look she was giving pretty much said ‘You have no Emily here to protect you now, so you better fucking run.’
Big Rob coughed, “Behave.”
“Says ‘Do the ham and cheese, do the ham and cheese, do the chicken wing, do the chicken wing guy.’” Rachael muttered to be met by a glare from big Rob, she bit her lip, “Well I’ll just Bounce my way to the bathroom and back..” She mumbled, walking off.
“She’s never going to shut up teasing us about ‘bounce’ is she?” Nick asked.
“Nope.” I said lightly, “You made idiots of yourself, which she’ll never let down, and I can find so many wrong meanings in that song, it’s unreal, but hilarious. She won’t leave it down any time soon.”
“Yay.” Nick said sarcastically.
“Hey, you’re the one that wrote it, because your jeans were too tight.” I said lightly.

~oOo~

As we walked into the lobby of our hotel, we looked around at each other, “I think I may have just lost my hearing.” Rachael mumbled.
“Mhhm.”
“We have to have dinner in a half an hour.” Nick reminded us.
“Yup, because N is for nutrition.” Rachael said lightly, grinning widely at Nick’s pissed off face.
“Please, stop with the Bounce references.” Nick mumbled.
“Nope.” Rachael said happily, “It’s way too much fun. And I really want to see that pet mouse of yours.”
Nick rolled his eyes, and I saw him take a couple of deep breaths.
“I’m going to video chat with Em.” Joe mumbled,
“You two are never going to last if this is your means of communication.” Rachael said lightly.
Joe sighed and walked over to Rachael, and whispered something into her ear, we all saw her eyes become wider by the second. I saw Nick lok between Rachael and Joe weirdly, almost jealous.
Joe smiled at us lightly, then took the elevator to his room.
“Um, well…I’m just going to go with Joe, see you all at dinner.” Rachael said, before looking back at Nick, “Yeah man, just remember one thing, just keep bouncing.” She said loudly, before disappearing up the stairs.
“Why.Did.I.Ever.Write.That.Song?” Nick asked through gritted teeth.
“Because your jeans were too tight.” I answered innocently.