Oh. It's You

Nick threw me a glare, but I smiled back innocently at him, “What? Your pants are tight…” I mumbled.
He just stared at me, giving me a death glare, “You’re just as bad as her.”
“I learned from the best.” I replied.
I saw a light smile cross his lips, “That you did.” He said quietly, “Where did she go?” He asked, confused.
“Joe’s room.” I mumbled, leaning into Kevin, interlacing our fingers.
Nick stared at us two, mixed emotions on his face.
“As Sarah-God rest her soul used to say, ‘Affairs happen all the time’” Kevin mumbled lightly.
Nick’s expression soon became priceless, “I probably should go…and find her? Yes…I’ll do that.” He mumbled walking away.
Kevin shook his head smiling, “We probably should go up to our room until dinner, what do you think?”
I nodded slowly, “Sure, hopefully there won’t be murder.” I mumbled, referring to the Rachael/Nick/Joe situation.

~The Next Day~

“BUT I DON’T WANNA SEE HOE CYRUS OR MANNA HOE OR WHATVER THE FUCK MPD IDIOT WANTS TO BE CALLED!!” Rachael screamed at us, as we were waiting at her and Nick’s room door, waiting for her so that we could go to the venue for sound check, and other pre-show rituals.
“You.have.to.” Joe said through gritted teeth, starting to lose his patience. Which was extremely rare in Joe’s case.
I saw Nick roll his eyes from where he was standing a few feet behind Rachael, before smiling to himself and walking quietly towards her, quickly sweeping her off her feet-literally, then carrying her out the door bridal style, “To the venue!” I heard him shout, but it was muffled by the string of profanities Rachael was shouting at Nick that somehow sounded like; “Assholeretardbadtardgetyourdirtyfilthyhandsoffmenowyoufuckingdipshitselfpossesdass.”
I saw Joe laughing quietly to himself as Kevin took my hand, we walked out of the hotel after a way to long elevator ride with Rachael still cursing at Nick, we were met by a banch of paparazzi and extremely bright, blinding flashes, and of course they started screaming questions at Nick and Rachael, seeing as he was still carrying her, they completely ignored the paps, and we all tried to get into the waiting car as quickly as possible.
“My eyes hurt.” I mumbled once the door was closed behind us.
“I need to disinfect my body!” Rachael growled, she was still in Nick’s arms, and extremely pissed off.

~oOo~

“Wow.” Rachael mumbled from beside me, we were passing the dressing room doors, we had already passed one labeled, Selena & Demi, one for Joe, then there was one, which Rachael was referring to which was labeled M.C/H.M “Seriously?”
“Seemingly so.” I mumbled.
“Oh my Gerard Way in Jersey. She asked to have both her names on the dressing room door, how bad exactly is this MPD of hers?” She asked, amusement clear in her voice.
“Very?”
“Oh, I’m going to get so much fun out of this.” She said grinning, but the grin fell from her face when she saw her name written on the dressing room door as; Rachael and Nick.
“I have to share a dressing room with him?” She asked bluntly.
“Yep.” Nick replied, smiling from beside her.
Rachael sighed, rolled her eyes, gave Nick the finger then she opened the door and walked inside.

~oOo~

“Wait! Where’s Miley?” Nick asked, confused.
I was standing with my back to a large closet that was locked, and had perfect view of the stage where Demi and Selena were singing ‘One and the same’ together. “I don’t know. Why?”
“Because I can’t find Rachael, that’s why.” Nick muttered looking around, “And really, it’d be best if she didn’t get locked up, you know?”
I laughed, “For a second there I thought you said ‘knocked up’ I need my hearing tested.” I mumbled.
Nick shrugged, “That wouldn’t be so bad, but she hates children. But seriously, have you seen her?” He asked.
I shook my head, “The last time I saw her was when she ran into Demi and Selena’s dressing room screaming excitedly at them.” I mumbled, looking at my watch, “Which was over an hour ago. Haven’t seen her since.”
He bit his lip, “Seen Miley?”
“Nope, haven’t seen her today.”
He nodded slowly, “I’m going to search for a blood trail leading to a dead body now.” He mumbled, before walking away.
I leaned against the locked door beside me, singing along to the songs Demi and Selena were singing under my breath.
Knock, Bang, “Meeeeeppppghhhhhh!”
“What the hell?!” I said jumping away from the door, there was actually someone locked in there? Or was I just going delusional from no sleep?
“Melp meeeeee” A muffled voice…thing came from behind the door.
“W-who are you?” I stuttered.
“Miiiiilllllleeeeeeyyyy” It whined.

*Nick’s P.O.V.*
I walked back to where Lauren was, to see her with her back turned to me, staring at a locked closet with a terrified, confused expression. “What’s up?” I asked, a few feet behind her.
“HOLY SHIT!” She screamed, as she jumped and turned around to face me, clutching her chest and breathing heavily, “DO NOT SCARE ME.” She shouted at me, glaring harshly at me.
I shielded myself by putting my two hands up in the air in front of my face, “Sorry, sorry, don’t hurt me.” I said quickly, backing away from her slowly.
She rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to hurt you, Nick.” She said quietly.
I lowered my hands to my sides again, “Thank you.”
She smiled and nodded, then her expression became unreadable, and she moved closer to me, the next thing I knew was there was a stabbing pain in my chest, repeatedly from her bony finger, “If you ever do that to me again, I will kill you. Sadistically, Oui?”
I nodded quickly, “Oui.”
“Trés bien.” She mumbled under her breath.
I took a deep breath, “Um, why are we suddenly talking in French?”
“Because.” She mumbled, “I like French.” She said simply, shrugging lightly.
“Okay…” I mumbled.
“So, did you find any bodies?” She asked, changing the subject quickly.
I shook my head slowly.
“I IS HERE! I IS COOL! I IS A SLUT!” A loud, seemingly forced country voice shouted from behind us both, I turned around to see Miley, dressed as Hannah, Her wigs fringe was covering her eyes, and her dress was extremely short, I glanced at Lauren who was standing beside me, her hand was covering her mouth, and her shoulders were shaking with silent laughter, I gave her a confused look, then looked back at Miley who was making her way over to me. “Heya y’all, hey Nick….you know I like totally like adore you and like love you, and like the way you like love me too?” She asked, twirling a piece of the blond wig around in her hand.
“Um no. You seem…different…”
“Nah, my MPD just got worse.” She replied.
I saw Lauren walk away, and sit down with her back to the closet, laughing loudly, I gave her a confused look, but she just shook her head at me.
Miley moved closer to me, so that she was so close I could feel her warm breath on my face, “I wrote a song for you.” She whispered.
I tried to move back, but she kept moving closer to me, “R-really?” I stuttered.
“Yes. It’s called Obsessed, because I’m so obsessed with you.” She said, smiling at me, still moving closer to me as I desperately tried to move away.
Lauren wasn’t even going to attempt to help, she was too busy laughing.
“Uh…….security?!” I shouted.
No one came. Damn it.
“LET ME OUT!” A voice screamed from behind me, I turned around, to see Lauren stare at me with wide, innocent eyes, “What?” She asked calmly.
“Did you hear that?” I asked.
She tilted her head to the side, “Hear what? Nick, I think you’re starting to go crazy.” She said quietly.
“Someone just screamed to ‘let me out’ how could you not hear that?” He asked.
“Nicholas, are you running a temperature? Did you drink the drugged coffee you were meant to give to Rachael? Overdose on your gummy bear vitamins? Oh I could go on forever…” Lauren said, her voice light.
“None of those.” I mumbled.
“He’s just oh so crazy about me.” Miley said from beside me, and at that Lauren started to laugh aloud again.
“Uh……help me?” I mouthed at Lauren.
“Sorry, can’t. Too busy laughing.”
“Kevin? Joe? Rachael?” I shouted.
Nothing.
“So…” Miley mumbled, closer to me, “Do you want me to sing it for you?” She asked, raising an eyebrow, but her expression changed before I could answer, “Although, you probably bought my E.P. from Walmart, and listen to it every single night before you fall asleep, and I did say ‘Come back Nick’ at the end, and I just want you to know that, because I’ve been trying to convince everyone I said ‘I want you’ which I do but-”
“Miley.” I siad through gritted teeth, interrupting her, “I don’t like you. I’m married. End of. Stop stalking me.”
I could hear Lauren laughing from behind me, and then Kevin came in the door, glancing at us all, then walking slowly over to Lauren, pure confusion written on his face.
“What’s…going on?” He asked.
I saw Lauren whisper something in his ear, and as soon as she stopped talking, he burst out laughing.
“Price.Less.” He mumbled.
“But Nick!” Miley whined, “You like totally love me, you’re just so in denial.”
I looked at Kevin, “Where’s Rachael?” I asked.
This made Kevin laugh louder, “I don’t know.” He said between laughs.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, “Where’s Joe?”
“Videochatting.” Kevin mumbled.
I sighed, then stared desperately at Kevin, “Save me?” I pleaded.
“Sorry, I can’t.” He said, faking sympathy.
I glared at him, “You know we wouldn’t be the Jonas Brothers without me!” I growled.
Kevin shrugged, “I’m sure we’d make it with my paino playing, and awesome guitar talent…and Joe and…uh…his voice and good looks.”
I rolled my eyes, “Thanks. So much.” I said through gritted teeth.
“No problem.” Kevin said smiling at me.
Demi and Selena came back from being on stage, “Mi-Hannah, whatever you want to be called….it’s your turn to sing.” Selena muttered.
“Yay!” Miley said, grinning happily, grabbing Rachael’s guitar from beside Lauren and walking out onto the stage, I turned around to stare at the others, “Rachael will actually butcher Miley to death if she finds out she even touched her guitar, let alone played it…this is bad.” I mumbled mostly to myself, but I noticed Lauren and Kevin fighting to keep a straight face, and not burst out laughing again.
“Hey y’all! Howdy!” Miley’s voice sounded loudly from the speakers,
“Hey! Wait! That doesn’t sound like Miley!” I shouted over the loud guitar strumming, which was giving ‘The Best Of Both Worlds’ a rock tune.
Lauren and Kevin both just smiled back innocently at me.

"Oh yeah
Come on

You get the limo out front
Hottest styles,a hoe needs to wear every color

Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers that you got MPD

In some ways you're just like all those other hoes
But on stage you really, really can't sing

You get the best of both worlds
Cause you think you're two girls
And they're both a pain in the arse

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both hoes
The best of both worlds

You go to movie premiers (is that Orlando Bloom? No, it's a tree)
Hear your songs being banned from radio
Livin' two lives is a little weird
But I can do both cause nobody knows about my disease

Yeah you get to be a small town girl
But big time when you play your guitar really badly

You get the best of both worlds
Cause you think you're two girls
And they're both a pain in the arse

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both
You know the best of both worlds

Pictures and autographs
You get your face in all the magazines for being related to that dude who never wears shirts
The best part is that you get to be who ever you wanna be, which depends on who you think should be cheated on

(Best! Best!) Yeah, the best of both!
(Best! Best!) You got the best of both!
(Best! Best!) Come on, the best of both!

Who would of thought that a girl like me
Would double as a prostitute

You get the best of both worlds
Cause you think you're two girls
And they're both a pain in the arse

You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds

You get the best of both worlds
Without the meds you should take
You can't really get blamed

You get the best of both girls
Mix it all together
Oh, yeah
It's so much better 'cause you know you've got the best of both worlds”

My mouth dropped open, “T-that’s not Miley…That’s-that’s Rachael…dressed up like Miley? What the hell is happening?!” I asked completely confused.
Kevin was laughing less than Lauren, so he spoke first,, “You seriously did not recognize your wife?”
“Not in a Hannah wig. No.”
“Okay, her voice? How did you now realize?”
I stared at him for a second, “She doesn’t usually talk with a forced country like, Miley-like voice, does she? No.”
The audience was completely silent as ‘Miley’ finished strumming her guitar. “So you like?!” She shouted into the microphone, she was met by complete silence. “YAY!” She said happily, pulling off the wig, causing an amount of gasps, “Best prank ever? Yes. Bye!” She said skipping off the stage.
As soon as she walked off the stage, both Lauren and Kevin applauded her, I just stared at her purely confused, “Am I high?”
Rachael grinned widely at me, “Only if you took my coffee instead of your one, you know the way you tend to drug me…then we end up married…and doing stuff, and yeah.” She mumbled.
“I don’t drug you!” I said defensively.
I saw Lauren stare at me, a blank expression on her face, “Of course not. No way. She just married you out of love. She just goes high every time she drinks coffe you give her. No drugs at all..nope.”
“Exactly.” Rachael said grinning at me triumphantly, “Everything she just said.”
I stared at her confused for a minute, “Rachael…seeing as you’re not Miley…where is Miley? Is she alive?”
Rachael smiled innocently, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Seriously, where is she? Lauren and Kevin are laughing, so I know you know.”
“No…” She said quietly.
“I’ll hug you if you don’t tell me.”
She glared at me, “You wouldn’t”
“Oh yes, I would.” I said grinning, pulling her into a close hug, she tried to get out of my arms,
“Hands away from bottom of dress.” She snapped, stomping on my foot, causing me to jump away from her, “Owwww.” I whined.
“Serves you right. I’m not Miley, even though I’m dressed like her, and HOW did you not realize it was me?!”
“I don’t know…” I mumbled.
“LET ME OUT!” A voice that sounded exactly like Miley’s screamed, followed by a series of banging noises, I glanced behind Lauren, where there was a closet with a lock on it, then I looked back at the others who all wore the exact same expressions, wide eyed innocent, ‘we never saw, heard or did anything’ look.
When really, that meant the contrary.
“Give me the key, Rachael.” I said, holding out my hand.
Her eyes became impossibly wider, “What key?” She asked innocently.
“The one to the closet Miley’s in.”
She laughed, “Well it’s up to her to come out of that closet.”
I rolled my eyes, “Keys to locked closet behind you. Now.”
She rolled her eyes, “You’re such a spoilsport.” She said sighing, “But it was fun while it lasted, she mumbled, dropping a key into my hand.
“Thank you.” I said lightly, as I walked over to the closet and turned the key in the lock, I was nearly knocked over by Miley who stumbled out of the closet, “UNTIE ME NOW!” She screamed.
I rolled my eyes, “Turn around, Miley.”
She sighed and did what I told her to, and I untied the rope that was around her wrists, and her ankles.
“Thanks.” She mumbled, turning around to face us all. “I’m leaving, there’s no way I’m staying on this tour, I could have my own tour. Mark my words, I will.” She growled, before running out of the backstage area.
“Oh my Gee, I got rid of her?! YEEEEES!” Rachael screamed, jumping up and down, clapping her hands excitedly.
I sighed, and heard the crowd chanting ‘Jonas, Jonas, Jonas!’ “We better go out, in a few minutes, seeing as our opening acts are finished.”
Kevin nodded, “Yeah, Rachael, will you go get Joe?” He asked.
Rachael smiled and nodded, and skipped away.
I stared at Kevin confused, “You don’t think there’s something going on…?”
Kevin rolled his eyes, “Come on, Nick…She pushed him out a window and put his head down the toilet, I don’t think so.”
Lauren nodded, “Yeah, stop being paranoid,” She said, smiling gently.
As Kevin and I attached our microphones and put on our guitars, and I raised an eyebrow at Lauren, “I wrote a song about being paranoid, it’s a bit late to be telling me not to be paranoid.”
She rolled her eyes, and she was about to say something else, but stopped as soon as Rachael and Joe returned, Joe smiled at us, and took his microphone off the table it was sitting on. “Ready?” He asked us.
We all nodded, as the ‘Bounce’ intro started, I saw Kevin kiss Lauren lightly, as we walked out to go under the stage so we’d be able to pop up, but as we were about to leave, I saw Rachael laugh, and start to sing along to the ‘Bounce’ intro.
As the opening for Paranoid started, we heard the audience screaming loudly, and as we appeared on the stage it became deafening.

~oOo~

“We’re so glad we chose to open our tour here!” Joe shouted, being met by screams,
Kevin nodded at me, and started to strum the opening of World War 3, “And this next song, I wrote about a personal experience, and I’d like to dedicate it to my lovely wife, it’s called ‘World War Three’!”

*Lauren’s P.O.V*

I wanted to collapse laughing, I seriously did, Rachael was just staring at Nick with an amused expression on her face, “Oh, well that’s nice. It’s a compliment saying I could start World war three if I wanted.”