My Heart
Naration- Where's the Ice-Cream?
The bright hypnotising beam released by the computer screen lit the dark dingy room. A visible outline could be seen. Her breaths were deep and a hint of stress could be heard. Kat suddenly realised what she was about to get herself into, the reunion she never dreamt of happening was becoming a reality and this created mixed reactions.
x*Kat’s POV*x
A couple of months ago my life was as dull as usual and I would have never thought of this happening, it’s just…. imagining your life being this and by just a click of a mouse it changes just like that. I can’t predict how the other guys will react to my arrival, I surely can’t predict what Eliza will make out of all of this. The worry is starting to die down though, I don’t know how Gerard does it, he always finds a reason and he always finds a way. These little conversations we have had for the past weeks have cheered me up, I confess my life is spinning out of control. I thought I could finally settle down on my own in my new apartment but things can go horribly wrong. I became someone I never thought I would become (where have I heard that before?), I guess Gerard’s and my situation have a lot in common. I became obsessed with my job and blocked out my family, rage got over me then depression hit. It affected my job and now I’m in risk of losing everything I’ve worked for.
One Jersey evening I asked myself a question, a question that saved my life. ‘Where’s the ice-cream?’ I realised the path I was taking and it surely wasn’t the one I wanted to be in. I went in my personal rehab, I feared going to an actual rehab or even discussing my problem with anyone. I salute myself for getting through it with no help. The conflict between my parents and I have calmed down and I managed to balance my life out. I threw my love life out the window because I worked so hard to gain that balance that I’m not just going to destroy it over a guy. Yes I’ve seen/dated guys but never thought of commitment and haven’t found/felt love since… Gerard. As it’s time for confessions might as well pour it out. The feelings and moments for/with Gerard, I will never experience that again with another guy that pretty much explains what we had. I’ve tried to have “relationships” but non of them felt right…well there was one.
He’s in a band (yeah I know, I have a soft spot for them), a popular band. I noticed him through my friend who’s their sound technician. They stopped at Jersey for two weeks to do a couple of shows and my friend persuaded me to attend one of them. I refused to at first because I haven’t been to a show since taste of chaos with My Chemical Romance but she nagged and nagged. I’ve met his band before but I’ve never really took the time to know him, we’ve shared a few words before but they were just an innocent hello. That’s what made and destroyed our friendship. We had long conversations about the past and laughed about it. That’s what caught my attention about Quinn Allman, he always found the funny side of things. A couple of shows turned to five shows and I was always there, laughing with Quinn but Bert, he didn’t approve of Quinn and I, I think no-one approved of it. I was having fun for the first time in a long time, I never thought of it as serious but I really liked him. I never slept with him (I should clear that up now), we talked laughed and kissed. That was it.
But Bert didn’t see it that way. I never thought he was capable of doing it but he did. He made me look like a whore, he started telling Jeph and Dan that I was sleeping around, toying with Quinn. Thank goodness Bert only told the two of them. I didn’t realise he was spreading this bullshit till Quinn confronted me of what he had heard. I told him it wasn’t true that I’m not that kind of girl, he surely would’ve known that but he wanted to hear it from Bert’s mouth. So we both confronted him. Quinn’s teary eyes met Bert’s devious optics. Words were thrown and all I could hear from Bert’s mouth was “Don’t tell me you believe her shit? You’ve know me longer than her! So who do you believe the slut or your best-friend?” Why was Bert doing this? I didn’t know but it hurt me. Maybe he was directing his anger for Gerard towards me but what ever his reasons was he was out of order.
I asked Quinn for the last time if he thought I was telling the truth but he didn’t say a word. Tear tracks were visible on his pale face. If he believed me or not I couldn’t take any of their shit anymore so… I ran. I have never seen or talked to Quinn again. I know they’re still touring but I know one thing, I will never forgive Bert for not just ruining my friendship with Quinn, which could’ve blossomed into something, but for him to have to spread that bullshit about me. I will never know who Quinn believed. And this was all a year and a half ago.
I can’t possibly tell Gerard all this. I thought about it many times but just can’t. So these secrets will stay between you and me.
x*Kat’s POV*x
A couple of months ago my life was as dull as usual and I would have never thought of this happening, it’s just…. imagining your life being this and by just a click of a mouse it changes just like that. I can’t predict how the other guys will react to my arrival, I surely can’t predict what Eliza will make out of all of this. The worry is starting to die down though, I don’t know how Gerard does it, he always finds a reason and he always finds a way. These little conversations we have had for the past weeks have cheered me up, I confess my life is spinning out of control. I thought I could finally settle down on my own in my new apartment but things can go horribly wrong. I became someone I never thought I would become (where have I heard that before?), I guess Gerard’s and my situation have a lot in common. I became obsessed with my job and blocked out my family, rage got over me then depression hit. It affected my job and now I’m in risk of losing everything I’ve worked for.
One Jersey evening I asked myself a question, a question that saved my life. ‘Where’s the ice-cream?’ I realised the path I was taking and it surely wasn’t the one I wanted to be in. I went in my personal rehab, I feared going to an actual rehab or even discussing my problem with anyone. I salute myself for getting through it with no help. The conflict between my parents and I have calmed down and I managed to balance my life out. I threw my love life out the window because I worked so hard to gain that balance that I’m not just going to destroy it over a guy. Yes I’ve seen/dated guys but never thought of commitment and haven’t found/felt love since… Gerard. As it’s time for confessions might as well pour it out. The feelings and moments for/with Gerard, I will never experience that again with another guy that pretty much explains what we had. I’ve tried to have “relationships” but non of them felt right…well there was one.
He’s in a band (yeah I know, I have a soft spot for them), a popular band. I noticed him through my friend who’s their sound technician. They stopped at Jersey for two weeks to do a couple of shows and my friend persuaded me to attend one of them. I refused to at first because I haven’t been to a show since taste of chaos with My Chemical Romance but she nagged and nagged. I’ve met his band before but I’ve never really took the time to know him, we’ve shared a few words before but they were just an innocent hello. That’s what made and destroyed our friendship. We had long conversations about the past and laughed about it. That’s what caught my attention about Quinn Allman, he always found the funny side of things. A couple of shows turned to five shows and I was always there, laughing with Quinn but Bert, he didn’t approve of Quinn and I, I think no-one approved of it. I was having fun for the first time in a long time, I never thought of it as serious but I really liked him. I never slept with him (I should clear that up now), we talked laughed and kissed. That was it.
But Bert didn’t see it that way. I never thought he was capable of doing it but he did. He made me look like a whore, he started telling Jeph and Dan that I was sleeping around, toying with Quinn. Thank goodness Bert only told the two of them. I didn’t realise he was spreading this bullshit till Quinn confronted me of what he had heard. I told him it wasn’t true that I’m not that kind of girl, he surely would’ve known that but he wanted to hear it from Bert’s mouth. So we both confronted him. Quinn’s teary eyes met Bert’s devious optics. Words were thrown and all I could hear from Bert’s mouth was “Don’t tell me you believe her shit? You’ve know me longer than her! So who do you believe the slut or your best-friend?” Why was Bert doing this? I didn’t know but it hurt me. Maybe he was directing his anger for Gerard towards me but what ever his reasons was he was out of order.
I asked Quinn for the last time if he thought I was telling the truth but he didn’t say a word. Tear tracks were visible on his pale face. If he believed me or not I couldn’t take any of their shit anymore so… I ran. I have never seen or talked to Quinn again. I know they’re still touring but I know one thing, I will never forgive Bert for not just ruining my friendship with Quinn, which could’ve blossomed into something, but for him to have to spread that bullshit about me. I will never know who Quinn believed. And this was all a year and a half ago.
I can’t possibly tell Gerard all this. I thought about it many times but just can’t. So these secrets will stay between you and me.