Lines of Disappointment

“Time’s up! Come on let’s go.” This was how the guards let us know that we won’t see our families again until the next visit, usually about a month. I looked my Mother in the eyes as I said my goodbye and started to walk away.

As I walked back to my cell, I couldn’t shake the look in her eyes from my mind. At first one would have only noticed the sadness and disappointment, but I knew better. Underneath everything was confusion. She wondered how I wound up wearing an orange jumpsuit and sleeping on the hard cots at the local prison. Honestly, I wasn’t sure either.

Back in high school, if one of the students had been asked who the biggest trouble maker was, I would have been the furthest person from their mind. I was a good child, always had been. I didn’t have one sip of alcohol while I was underage, never smoked, didn’t party; I hadn’t even cut a single class. No one would have guessed I’d end up here, not even myself…

Four Months Earlier.

Sitting for this long was starting to make my ass go numb. I had been waiting for over an hour to go into the courtroom. Apparently they were running late.

When my name was called, I stood up and straightened out my skirt. I followed my attorney into the courtroom and took a seat next to him in another hard, wooden chair. I was so nervous that I could hardly pay attention, and the look the judge was giving me wasn’t helping either. Throughout most of the “trial” I sat quiet and still, simply playing with the hem on my knee-length skirt.

Suddenly I heard the judge speak. “Claire Fielding, the court finds you guilty on the count of possession of cocaine and sentences you to 6 months in prison. The court also finds you guilty on the count of dealing said cocaine and sentences you to another 12 months in prison, for a total of 18 months.” She then banged to gavel, and my heart skipped a beat.

While I was being lead out of the courtroom, reality finally hit me, I was going to prison.

Two Weeks Earlier.

I leaned against a tree on the outskirts of a city park. This was the one and only time I was ever going to be doing this in a park. Long ago I had decided that dealers who sold in the park or alleys were stupid, it was the first place a cop was going to look.
I heard a quiet padding of footsteps and looked up sharply before quickly making my way to the other side of the giant tree I was leaning against. I was slightly paranoid about being here, it was a dealing hotspot. I slowly peaked around the tree and noticed that it was just my customer. I stepped out from behind the tree in a way that it looked like I had just finished walking here, not that I had been hiding.

“You got the stuff?” He asked rudely. I rolled my eyes; I had never liked how this went down. I was more of a hey-thanks-for-doing-me-a-favor kind of customer. I had always been polite; I was never rude to any of my dealers. I saw this as them giving me something I wanted, and if they didn’t like me they could easily take it away. Apparently the other customers and I didn’t see eye to eye, and I couldn’t afford to lose the small amount I currently had.

“Yeah. Money first.” I replied as I stuck my hand out.

“Show me proof first.”

I sighed, this was ridiculous. I reached into my pocked and pulled out a small plastic baggie and waved it back and forth. “Happy.” I reached my hand out again to retrieve his money.

“Extremely,” he said with a smile. He reached to his belt loop and pulled something I couldn’t see out. Next thing I knew I had a shiny silver bracelet covering one wrist connecting to another for my other wrist.

“Shit,” I sharply breathed out as I dropped the baggy, completely stunned. Before I knew it, I was turned around and my other wrist was being wrestled into the other cuff. I couldn’t form a coherent thought as the cop dragged me roughly back to his car. I wasn’t even struggling; I was too stunned to really know where he was taking me. This wasn’t supposed to happen, not to me.

Seven Months Earlier.

I woke up next to a man I had met last night. Meeting him I had remembered, the rest I had not. I looked down to see that I was completely naked, something I was accustomed to seeing on the morning after clubbing. The bodies of sleeping friends lying around in various parts of my house was another sight I had grown to welcome.

Stepping around the bodies that littered the floor, I made my way to my bathroom. I looked in the mirror, disgusted with what was looking back. My dark mascara smudged around my eyes, contrasting with my pale skin, having a skeleton-like effect on me. My ruby red lipstick had smeared around my mouth, making the skin around my lips a pale pink. And the bouncy curls that had once been in my hair had now gone limp and tangled into knots. I sighed.

I started the shower and turned back to the mirror before dropping the sheet I was using to cover myself. I ran my fingers delicately over my rib bones that were now beginning to show and up to my cheek bones that stuck too far out. I had lost so much weight in the last year that I barely looked like me anymore. How any found me still attractive, I was not sure. I combed out the knots in my once shimmering hair and brushed the lackluster pieces that had broken off, onto the counter, into the trash.

I opened the bathroom door a small crack to see if I had disturbed anyone when I had turned on the shower, but sure enough, everyone was still knocked out and sleeping peacefully. While sweeping my eyes over the small, dirty apartment, I realize that my rent was due tomorrow and I had blown the last of my cash on the lines I had the night before. I shut the door and jumped in the shower.

While washing the shampoo out of my hair, I concluded that the only way I could get the money I needed was to start selling the one thing that I spent most of mine on, coke.

Two Years Earlier.
Senior Year.

“Come on Claire, one line isn’t going to hurt you. Just try it.” The guy I had met earlier that night, Tyler, had been trying to convince me that a little bit of cocaine never hurt anybody, and after 2 beers and 3 shots, my mind was starting to believe him. I looked down at the powdery substance and shrugged. I bent my head and snorted the line. I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. I hadn’t felt any different.

“There.” I said to him while I reached for another beer.

“Damn, I don’t know how your skinny self is holding down all that alcohol.” He said, sounding slightly astonished. “You sure you’ve never drank before?”

I nodded my head and took a sip of the drink. “Yeah, but the rest of my family holds down their liquor fairly well, it would only make sense that I would too, right?” I questioned, more to myself than to him. I didn’t even remember when or why I had started drinking.

At that moment someone roughly knocked into my shoulder, sending me to the floor. Not really sure what was going on, I quickly grabbed the closest thing on my way down, which happened to be Tyler’s arm. We landed in the middle of the kitchen with me sprawled out under him and my drink quickly forming a small puddle around us.

“Well that’s one way of getting you under me.” Tyler said after we both recovered from the fall. At this, I burst into giggles. I realized that I was giggling and stopped, hoping that he didn’t take it the wrong way, it was just the fact that I couldn’t even laugh properly anymore. He took it the wrong way.

He leaned down and fused his lips to mine and soon he had pushed his tongue into my mouth. I had kissed people before, but not like this. This kiss was rough. Not the want or need you kind of rough, just the fuck me now kind. But I ended up kissing back. He moved his hand up near my head before quickly pulling his mouth away. He looked at his hand, confused, then over to my hand and chuckled. I looked over too and realized that my beer was now empty and it’s contents where surrounding us.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere drier, and get you out of those wet clothes.” Tyler smirked as he helped me up off the ground. I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t care. The coke had finally kicked into my system and I felt as if I was flying through the room.

The next events where ones my mind couldn’t even process. I knew that I was having sex, but was I enjoying it? Of this I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t process what either one of us where doing. I did know that I had started on top, though, and was somehow now lying against the bed instead.

Somewhere in the middle of losing my virginity, I had passed out.

Three Hours Earlier.

“Man this place blows,” my date, Ronnie, announced. We all muttered in agreeance.

“I heard Matt is having a huge party tonight, wanna check it out?” The boy across from me asked the table. All the boys nodded their heads while the girls were a bit unsure. I, myself had never been to a party before. Slowly the rest of the girls began to agree to go and we all got up to leave.

We reached the limo and changed out of our formal clothes and into our normal clothes, which we had brought for the after prom party. Ronnie told the driver the address, and we headed off to Matt’s house.

One Hour, Thirty Minutes Earlier.

I placed the last of the small, yellow roses in my curly hair just in time for the door bell to ring. I heard my Mom open the door and greet our guests, and I knew it was time to make my appearance. I took one last look in the bathroom mirror, making sure I looked just right, before walking into the living room.

I was greeted with eight smiling faces. My best friend, and date, Ronnie grabbed my hand and leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “You look stunning,” he breathed into my ear. I looked up at him and smiled in gratification.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash go off. Turning my head I saw it was my Mom taking a picture. I decided it was time to go, before she got the chance to take anymore. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and said goodbye before following everyone out the door.

Halfway to the limo, I realized I had forgotten my phone. I told Ronnie I’d be right back as I began walking back to my house. I opened the door and grabbed my phone off the table.

“Claire?”

“Yeah, Mom?”

“Have fun tonight, but please be careful.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Mom, its prom. What’s going to happen at a silly school dance?” And with that I closed my front door and walked back to the limo, a smile never leaving my face.