There's Just Too Much That Time Cannot Erase
Chapter 21
Personally, I love the ending to this one and yes, I did cry while writing it and I'm tearing up now..:
Amy's P.O.V.
"You okay Ames?" Gerard asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, shaking the thoughts from my head.
"My Chemical Romance, you're needed for sound check," said a stagehand as he passed by the open dressing room door.
On his way out with the guys to get their stage clothes, Gerard gently grabbed my arm.
"Maybe you wanna sit down for a minute, you're looking pretty pale right now babe," he whispered in my ear. I nodded and he kissed my cheek before leaving with the guys, leaving me alone with Brad.
"I don't bite Amy."
My thoughts were again disrupted as I turned to face Brad.
"I wouldn't know Brad, you were so busy making me feel like shit all throughout the rest of highschool and then a few minutes ago, so yeah, I wouldn't know," I snapped as I sat down on a couch across from him, putting my face in my hands and sighing, trying to calm myself down before the waterworks started.
"Look Amy, I'm really sorry and I mean it," Brad said trying to comfort me.
"Oh you're sorry? All of those years in highschool, you making everyone think I shot Derek, kids ignoring and shunning me and you're sorry?!" I said looking up at him, fighting back the tears that were threatning to trickle down.
"Amy, please let me explain."
"This should be interesting," I said sarcastically as I blinked back a tear.
"I never really got over Derek's death, I was mad that he did it, sad, confused, but then I blamed myself for not helping Derek earlier. Somehow the idea crept into my head and I started taking it out on you, not even realizing that Derek had did the exact same thing. I was an asshole and I admit it. There were a lot of things I could've done, should've done, but I took the easy way out. I didn't know I'd upset you to the point where you started cutting and I'm honestly and truly sorry," he said softly.
"Why'd he have to do it Brad? Everything was fine and he just kills himself," I said, this was were I broke down. I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
"I don't know Amy, but the Derek that said all those things, that wasn't our Derek," Brad said as he came over and hugged me. "He wouldn't want you to cry about him, and I'm sure he wanted to apologize to you about all of the pain he put you through. If I'd know all of that was going on I would've talked to him. But we both need to move on."
I couldn't forget Derek, all the things he'd said to me, the image of him lying dead on the floor just made me cry even more.
"I can't do that," I sniffed. "It's just too hard for me to forget."
"It's gonna be hard but we have to Ames, you can't let the past control you," he said sitting down next to me as I cried into his shoulder.
Eventually I was crying until the point where I'd started to shake, and luckily the guys walked in just in time before I started hyperventalating.
"What happened?" Gerard asked as he and the others rushed over to us.
Brad must've mouthed something to Gerard because soon I was moved into Gerard's arms and he whispered into my ear, trying to get me to calm down and stop crying.
"Brad's right Amy, you have to get over Derek. We don't mean completely forget him but you have to understand it wasn't your fault he did that to himself," he said softly. I instantly calmed down but was also really tired, my heartbeat slowed back to normal and I just sat there in his arms, my eyes closed.
Gerard's P.O.V.
"Okay, how'd he do that?" Brad whispered to the guys when Amy was completely silent.
"Even we can't figure that out," Frank said shrugging. "So what got her to that stage of crying exactly?"
"I apologized and she just broke down when Derek's name was mentioned, I just don't want either of us to keep dwelling on the past but it's going to be even harder for Amy, she was closer to Derek until he changed," Brad said looking at us.
"Well we can't leave her in here, and I doubt she'd be able to film tonight," Mikey said.
"I'm sure Layka has that first job covered," Ray said nodding. "Brad, know anything about cameras?"
"Umm sure, what're you saying though Ray?" Brad asked raising an eyebrow.
"Because tonight my friend, you'll be working for Fuse," Bob said smiling.
"Awesome," Brad said nodding.
"I'm gonna lay her down, be right back," I said standing up with Amy in my arms.
"Believe it or not, he's done that a couple of times," Frank said to Brad when I had left the room.
I took the less crowded way down the hallway and once outside, got onto the bus where Layka was patiently waiting.
"Layka, can you do me a favor girl?" I asked her, feeling very weird about talking to a dog.
Layka barked and I decided to take it as a yes.
"I need you to watch your mom while the guys and I are onstage, got it?" I said smiling.
Another bark and Layka jumped into Amy's bunk when I layed her down, quickly snuggling into her side and closing her eyes.
"Now that's cute," I said to myself before kissing Amy's cheek, ruffling the fur on Layka's head and leaving the bus.
A Couple of Minutes Later: Amy's P.O.V.
My eyes slowly opened and I looked around to see that I was on the bus again, Layka curled up next to me, a note lying besides her.
We're onstage right now, Brad's filling in for you tonight but only because you need your rest. Layka'll be watching you for us and we trust her so just chill until the show's over.
~Love Gee and the boys
I smiled and put the note back, when I tried to sit up though and get out of bed, Layka stopped me by nudging my arm with her nose, meaning she wanted me to lie back down.
"Fine, you win," I said rolling my eyes before lying back down and closing my eyes, instantly going back to sleep.
Meanwhile: MCR's Onstage Performance: No One's P.O.V.
"Brad Geratt here, I'll be filling in for Amy tonight as she's really tired right now, and of course we're here with the boys of MCR. From what I understand they'll be starting out with Demoliton Lovers, I think we can already say that this is going to be awesome," Brad said into the camera before moving onstage where the guys were getting ready to start.
"We're dedicating this one to Amy, let's make her proud tonight guys!" Gerard said into the mic before the song started.
Hand in mine
Into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you
We could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition
I'd end my days with you
In a hail of bullets
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know just how much you mean to me
And after
All the things we put each other through
And I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two
Keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But to prove myself to you
And we'll keep it running
But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean
As days fade
And nights grow
And we grow cold
Gerard extended the mic to the audience and let them sing for awhile, you could really tell that these fans loved Amy as they did all they could to make themselves heard and the guys were totally into it as well.
But this time
We'll show them
We'll show them how much we mean
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of every..
When the next part came, Gerard would sing first, let the audience sing and this continued until the last 'All we are is bullets.'
As lead rains
Pass on through
Our phantoms
Forever forever
Like scarecrows
That fuel this flame
We're burning
Forever and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons
In
This
Gun
The audience once again helped out with the singing so the last part of the song sounded a bit like this:
G: And as we're falling down
A: And in this pool of blood
G: And as we're touching hands..
A: And as we're falling down
G: And in this pool of blood..
A: And as we're falling down
G: I'll see your eyes
A: And in this pool of blood
G: I'll meet your eyes
A: I mean this
G: Forever...
The concert went on like this throughout the night, some say it may have been My Chemical Romance's best yet, the guys even planned to suprise Amy with a copy of the performance, she was going to love it.
Amy's P.O.V.
"You okay Ames?" Gerard asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, shaking the thoughts from my head.
"My Chemical Romance, you're needed for sound check," said a stagehand as he passed by the open dressing room door.
On his way out with the guys to get their stage clothes, Gerard gently grabbed my arm.
"Maybe you wanna sit down for a minute, you're looking pretty pale right now babe," he whispered in my ear. I nodded and he kissed my cheek before leaving with the guys, leaving me alone with Brad.
"I don't bite Amy."
My thoughts were again disrupted as I turned to face Brad.
"I wouldn't know Brad, you were so busy making me feel like shit all throughout the rest of highschool and then a few minutes ago, so yeah, I wouldn't know," I snapped as I sat down on a couch across from him, putting my face in my hands and sighing, trying to calm myself down before the waterworks started.
"Look Amy, I'm really sorry and I mean it," Brad said trying to comfort me.
"Oh you're sorry? All of those years in highschool, you making everyone think I shot Derek, kids ignoring and shunning me and you're sorry?!" I said looking up at him, fighting back the tears that were threatning to trickle down.
"Amy, please let me explain."
"This should be interesting," I said sarcastically as I blinked back a tear.
"I never really got over Derek's death, I was mad that he did it, sad, confused, but then I blamed myself for not helping Derek earlier. Somehow the idea crept into my head and I started taking it out on you, not even realizing that Derek had did the exact same thing. I was an asshole and I admit it. There were a lot of things I could've done, should've done, but I took the easy way out. I didn't know I'd upset you to the point where you started cutting and I'm honestly and truly sorry," he said softly.
"Why'd he have to do it Brad? Everything was fine and he just kills himself," I said, this was were I broke down. I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
"I don't know Amy, but the Derek that said all those things, that wasn't our Derek," Brad said as he came over and hugged me. "He wouldn't want you to cry about him, and I'm sure he wanted to apologize to you about all of the pain he put you through. If I'd know all of that was going on I would've talked to him. But we both need to move on."
I couldn't forget Derek, all the things he'd said to me, the image of him lying dead on the floor just made me cry even more.
"I can't do that," I sniffed. "It's just too hard for me to forget."
"It's gonna be hard but we have to Ames, you can't let the past control you," he said sitting down next to me as I cried into his shoulder.
Eventually I was crying until the point where I'd started to shake, and luckily the guys walked in just in time before I started hyperventalating.
"What happened?" Gerard asked as he and the others rushed over to us.
Brad must've mouthed something to Gerard because soon I was moved into Gerard's arms and he whispered into my ear, trying to get me to calm down and stop crying.
"Brad's right Amy, you have to get over Derek. We don't mean completely forget him but you have to understand it wasn't your fault he did that to himself," he said softly. I instantly calmed down but was also really tired, my heartbeat slowed back to normal and I just sat there in his arms, my eyes closed.
Gerard's P.O.V.
"Okay, how'd he do that?" Brad whispered to the guys when Amy was completely silent.
"Even we can't figure that out," Frank said shrugging. "So what got her to that stage of crying exactly?"
"I apologized and she just broke down when Derek's name was mentioned, I just don't want either of us to keep dwelling on the past but it's going to be even harder for Amy, she was closer to Derek until he changed," Brad said looking at us.
"Well we can't leave her in here, and I doubt she'd be able to film tonight," Mikey said.
"I'm sure Layka has that first job covered," Ray said nodding. "Brad, know anything about cameras?"
"Umm sure, what're you saying though Ray?" Brad asked raising an eyebrow.
"Because tonight my friend, you'll be working for Fuse," Bob said smiling.
"Awesome," Brad said nodding.
"I'm gonna lay her down, be right back," I said standing up with Amy in my arms.
"Believe it or not, he's done that a couple of times," Frank said to Brad when I had left the room.
I took the less crowded way down the hallway and once outside, got onto the bus where Layka was patiently waiting.
"Layka, can you do me a favor girl?" I asked her, feeling very weird about talking to a dog.
Layka barked and I decided to take it as a yes.
"I need you to watch your mom while the guys and I are onstage, got it?" I said smiling.
Another bark and Layka jumped into Amy's bunk when I layed her down, quickly snuggling into her side and closing her eyes.
"Now that's cute," I said to myself before kissing Amy's cheek, ruffling the fur on Layka's head and leaving the bus.
A Couple of Minutes Later: Amy's P.O.V.
My eyes slowly opened and I looked around to see that I was on the bus again, Layka curled up next to me, a note lying besides her.
We're onstage right now, Brad's filling in for you tonight but only because you need your rest. Layka'll be watching you for us and we trust her so just chill until the show's over.
~Love Gee and the boys
I smiled and put the note back, when I tried to sit up though and get out of bed, Layka stopped me by nudging my arm with her nose, meaning she wanted me to lie back down.
"Fine, you win," I said rolling my eyes before lying back down and closing my eyes, instantly going back to sleep.
Meanwhile: MCR's Onstage Performance: No One's P.O.V.
"Brad Geratt here, I'll be filling in for Amy tonight as she's really tired right now, and of course we're here with the boys of MCR. From what I understand they'll be starting out with Demoliton Lovers, I think we can already say that this is going to be awesome," Brad said into the camera before moving onstage where the guys were getting ready to start.
"We're dedicating this one to Amy, let's make her proud tonight guys!" Gerard said into the mic before the song started.
Hand in mine
Into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you
We could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition
I'd end my days with you
In a hail of bullets
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know just how much you mean to me
And after
All the things we put each other through
And I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two
Keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But to prove myself to you
And we'll keep it running
But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean
As days fade
And nights grow
And we grow cold
Gerard extended the mic to the audience and let them sing for awhile, you could really tell that these fans loved Amy as they did all they could to make themselves heard and the guys were totally into it as well.
But this time
We'll show them
We'll show them how much we mean
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of every..
When the next part came, Gerard would sing first, let the audience sing and this continued until the last 'All we are is bullets.'
As lead rains
Pass on through
Our phantoms
Forever forever
Like scarecrows
That fuel this flame
We're burning
Forever and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons
In
This
Gun
The audience once again helped out with the singing so the last part of the song sounded a bit like this:
G: And as we're falling down
A: And in this pool of blood
G: And as we're touching hands..
A: And as we're falling down
G: And in this pool of blood..
A: And as we're falling down
G: I'll see your eyes
A: And in this pool of blood
G: I'll meet your eyes
A: I mean this
G: Forever...
The concert went on like this throughout the night, some say it may have been My Chemical Romance's best yet, the guys even planned to suprise Amy with a copy of the performance, she was going to love it.