I Swear, I Love You

The doctor had walked in with a notepad, and a pretty serious look on her face.
"Sarah. We've had to put you in to a sticky situation." The nurse said, sitting next to me.
"The situations are irrelavent now! I wanna know how my husband and daughter is!" I said, serious.
"It's based on that." She nodded. "And based on life machines..."
"No!" I gasped, pulling my scabby, bruised legs close to my bruised chest.
"I'm sorry Mrs Jordison. You've got to pick between them..." She sighed. "Lola's got high chances of not surviving..."
I burst into tears, pointing to the door. "I don't want to pick! You can't make me pick!" I sobbed loudly. "I'm not picking between the two people who mean the world to me!" I sobbed even more.
"I'm sorry Mrs Jordison... we cannot focus on the both of them right now. Your husband is healing pretty quickly.. he isn't suffering as much as your daughter is." She sighed. "Lola's seatbelt was undone, causing her to have bad injuries almost everywhere. She's finding it hard to breathe... It's better if you just put her out of her misery."
"You can't make me!!! Don't you think I'm going through a hard time now?! I feel fucking lonely! HOW DO YOU THINK I'LL FEEL ONCE I KILL OFF MY DAUGHTER?! I'LL STILL BE LONELY CAUSE MY HUSBAND ISN'T AWAKE YET! WHY DO YOU NEED TO MAKE ME CHOOSE?! She can come through it! I know it! She's strong enough!" I screamed. Lola made me feel whole again, alongside Joey. Both of them are my life. If I loose one of them, I've lost half of my life... "Just let me think, please? I don't have the strength to make a decision right now..." I sighed.
"You have all the time you need, Sarah. Just let me know when you've made your decision." The doctor smiled, walking out the room.

I sat still for the next half hour. I wasn't even thinking about choosing Joey or Lola, cause I didn't want to pick either of them. I sat there, thinking about nothing. Nothing what-so-ever. Doctors came in and out for their daily check-up on me, and I didn't pay any attention.

After sitting there doing nothing for at least an hour, I finally had come to a decision. Tears rolled down my face as I stood up, on the search for the doctor. I knew I was going to regret this. I knew I wasn't going to forgive myself after this. I knew that this was all my fault.

"Mrs. Jordison, why are you out of your room?" The doctor asked, approaching me.
"I've made my decision." I sighed, tears still rolling down my eyes.
"Mrs. Jordison, I need to make sure you're entirely sure with this decision." The doctor stated. I nodded, unable to speak.
"Can we go back to my room? I-... I don't want to... uh... say it... h-her-here..." I stuttered. The doctor nodded, and we went back to my room. Thoughts flooded my mind. I knew I had to make a decision now, otherwise I wouldn't ever make my mind up. It was the hardest choice for me, ever, and I couldn't believe that I got put in this situation.

We arrived in my room, and I immediately collapsed on my bed.
"You don't understand how hard this is for me." I sobbed. "I'm loosing someone who's so important to me in my life." I carried on. I couldn't believe I still had all these tears inside me.
"You're right, Sarah, I don't understand how you're feeling, but trust me, I've had to put so many people into this situation, and if I had to be honest, you've been the one who's reacted to it the most." The doctor stated. "Other patients would just put my opinions into consideration."
"What do you mean your opinions?" I asked, facing the doctor. Opinions?! So she's basically saying that Lola could be in a better condition than Joey, but she wants me to turn off the machine for MY baby?!
"What I meant that, usually when we put this situation onto patients, we tell them who's in a better condition, and who's not, and that's what patients put into consideration. I don't think they'd want to turn off the machine for the one who's recovering, then let the one who isn't recovering as much carry on suffering." The doctor said. I was wrong.
"Oh... right..." I sighed, wiping away the tears. My face was soaked.
"So, who's machine are you turning off?" The doctor asked.
"I'm going to... uh..." I stuttered once again. I couldn't even say the name.
"Mrs. Jordison?" The doctor asked, once again.
"I'm going to choose..."