A Whisper Can Bring Down An Entire Person

Mum got back from her week long holiday and broke down, leaving me to look after the twins. I hadn’t told April I liked her back. I didn’t know how to. Yet she let me read that diary entry. Oh this was annoying me. I want to tell her I really do, I just. I’m scared. I’m scared if she knows she is going to want to go out with me. I don’t know how to have a gay relationship. I don’t know how to have a relationship altogether. I’ll stuff it up. I’ll hurt her I know I will. Oh I wish I had my dad to talk to. He would understand. He would have given me the guidance I needed. Now I’m left to do things for myself.

I can’t tell my friends, they would just judge me like they judge everyone else. They would tease me and leave me alone. Then I can be with April just me and her. But do I really want just one friend? Who am I kidding; I don’t care about having heaps of friends as long as I’m happy. But I’m not happy right now. How can I be happy when I’m the most confused girl in the world? When my dad’s just died. When my mum has fallen into a depression and is making me do everything for her. I wish I had April to talk to. About everything. I hid my face in my pillow and thought about everything. The boys were asleep so they wouldn’t bug me. As for mum, she is in her room crying. Mum has never known how to hold herself together for her kids. Always left me to do everything for her. While she cried her eyes out.

I finally came to the conclusion of ringing April and getting her to come over. She hasn’t talked to me for the past few days. I think she was expecting me to say something back. Something like I want to be more than your friend to, but instead I smiled and then froze, I thought about telling her but I didn’t. Maybe she thinks that I’m scared of her now. I got off my bed and searched frantically for my phone. When I found it I smiled and searched through my contacts. I found April’s and hit the green button, the phone rang and rang. But she didn’t pick up. I redialed the number, this time she picked up. Her voice groggy.
“Hello.” He tired voice came. It sounded like she had been crying.
“Hey, April.” I smiled. Then realized that maybe I was the cause of this. Or maybe she was just really tired.
“What do you want Arizona?” she asked, her voice breaking as she said my name.
“I was calling to ask if you could come over, I need to talk to you about something… Are you okay? Are you crying? Please don’t cry.” I panicked.
“Why shouldn’t I cry, you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you April. If you come I’ll prove it. Please, just come?” I pleaded.
“Fine I’ll see you soon.” She sniffed and hung the phone up.

The time it took for April to get there felt like forever. When she got here she was a mess, her hair was in a messy bun and her eyeliner was rushed.
“You look horrible.” I said hugging her.
“Great way to make someone feel good. “She frowned and hugged me back. “You needed to talk to me?” April asked stepping back and walking into my room. I nodded, I could feel my heart rate rising. The blood pumping around and my face getting hot.
“Yeah.” I looked away from her.
“So?” she asked crossing her arms over her chest.
“You know that diary entry you showed me?” I asked, she nodded and I could see her chin trembled like she was about to cry.
“Well… I feel the same way.” I blurted out quickly.
“Wh-what?” She asked eyes wide.
“I feel the same way April.” I turned my head avoiding eye contact with her. Before I knew it I was knocked to the ground.

“You don’t hate me after all.” She smiled and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry, I got excited.” She smiled.