Come and Get Me

Zack spun me around since I was too shocked to face him. I didn’t know that they were leaving today and I didn’t know if we were boarding the same plane. I hoped like hell we didn’t. He kept a hand on my shoulder when I didn’t say anything. He looked tired and his eyes were red. Did he shed some tears over what happened?

“What do you want, Zack?” I said trying my best not to sound mad. I ended up sounding disappointed and sad instead. He caught that in my tone and sighed most probably blaming himself about breaking us apart again.

“I’m sorry,” he said and I nodded and was about to turn away but his hand slipped to mine and he laced our fingers together. “Not just about tonight but about every single time I messed up and made you slip away from the life that I never wanted to live. Living my life without you was like living in hell. It was like living in the darkness with no sense of light or nothing to hold on to. Life had no purpose when you left, Brooke. I’ve been thinking about you everyday. I never stopped thinking about you. Even if I told myself not to, you always found a way into my mind.

“When you told me that you wanted to be friends again, it’s like my whole world became alive again and I thought that that was enough but apparently, it wasn’t. Seeing you with other guys broke me apart and I know that it’s selfish for me to just place that all on you because I know that somehow you felt happy with them but please understand Brooke that I love you. I can’t stand seeing you with other guys because I only want you to be with me. I never want you to leave me again. I don’t know how I’m going to survive life anymore knowing that I might never see you again.” He said softly. Jack, Alex and Rian were all behind us staring at us and trying to make out the conversation we were having.

I looked down at our interlaced fingers and tried to think about what I was gonna say next. But I couldn’t think of anything. Screw trying to think about this.

“Zack, I’m sure you have a lot to look forward to. You have a band and you have fans and girls just throw themselves at you. Telling me that you won’t be able to survive without me is a complete lie and you know it. You’ve survived for years without me and-”

“Didn’t you listen to anything I just said?” he cut me off mid-sentence with desperation lingering in his tone. “Brooke, I may have survived but it wasn’t easy. It was never easy without you,” he said gripping my hand tighter but his grasp didn’t hurt. It was comfortable. It was something I truly missed and I don’t know why I was trying to push him away.

“Zack, I just-” I paused as I held in the tears. “I’m just tired of having to get hurt over and over again, you know? I mean I love you too. I love you too much and it hurts knowing that whenever I try to show you, something wrong always happens. It hurts knowing that one thing will lead to another and then problems appear. I just don’t want that anymore,”

“There are no relationships without problems. Everone makes mistakes and learns to forgive and forget. I’ve learned that the hard way and I’m willing to try this all out with you. I know that this might sound unbelievable but it’s true. I just need you to trust me on this,” he said lifting my chin up with his fingers and kissing me.

I didn’t want to care anymore. I didn’t want to think about getting hurt. I knew I loved him and I knew that I wasn’t supposed to let this slip by me. This chance was all I had left. I had to take it. I’ve known Zack for quite a long time and fortunately, he hasn’t really changed.

His kiss lingered on my lips as we broke apart. He watched me carefully waiting for my reaction.

Just then, there was an announcement that the flight to New Jersey was now boarding. I had to go.

“Zack, I have to go,” What was I doing? This was my chance and I’m blowing it off?

“Brooke, please-”

“If you really love me, you’ll come and get me,” I said running towards the gate.

I handed my ticket to the person who was going to check it and once she said that I was ready to go, I rushed inside the plane and found my seat with the stewardess’s help.

I placed my bag in the overhead cabin before I took sat in the seat that was assigned to me in the empty plane. No one was in yet. I was the first one to board the plane. People started filing in after a few seconds but luckily, no one sat beside me. I slowly drifted off to sleep after a few seconds due to exhaustion and wanting to get away.

I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to just run away from everything again. It all seems pretty redundant and none of it seemed right. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I was supposed to be out there with Zack. I was supposed to kiss him back and get rid of all his doubts and we were supposed to be together no matter what. I wanted that, he wanted that. But I didn’t let it happen that way.

It was senseless even for me. There was no reason for me to be heading back to New Jersey and yet here I was waiting for the pilot to take off and take me home. But I wasn’t really going home. New Jersey just wasn’t my home.

I watched scenes that happened today play again and again in my head. I tried to think about what might have happened if it all played out differently. Regret started to wash over me as I saw the brighter things in every situation that could have happened if I wasn’t so stubborn enough to admit to everyone that I wanted to be with Zack.

I wanted to be with him. I loved him too much because it was hard not too. No matter how many times he hurt me, I still end up wanting to be with him because these rough patches would heal in time. I was told once by somebody that if you had a really strong bond with someone, one rough patch won’t end your relationship. Zack and I have been through enough to know that we could still be with each other even if we did go through difficult times. We’ve learned to understand each other more and more due to the arguments we’ve had and we’ve learned to forgive each other.

But sometimes, I just get too stubborn. I don’t tend to understand myself but this is just overly absurd.

I just hope everything will blow over once I get to New Jersey in two or three hours.