Madeline

She was so different from all the rest, and nobody liked her because of that.

She made deals with the devil, and sold her soul. Or so they said.

She fantasized about leaving us all behind. Or so she said.

But no one really gave her the chance to explain.

There were so many rumors about her, and I could never understand why they would say those things about her, when she just wanted to be like everyone else. It was never fair. No one was ever sure what went on inside of her head, she would never allow anyone to try and find out. She was very mysterious, and beneath her scowl, she was always very beautiful.

She was the girl I used to know, my sweet Madeline.

She would cry her eyes out at night, no one knew how, but everyone knew that it was true, and she didn’t care. Her tears would be the last thing she would feel before she falls asleep. She never wanted the nights to end, because she never wanted to wake up and face the broken life she had to deal with every day. I still regret that day, which happened a month ago. There were no scenes that ran through my head, my biggest regret, was that I wasn’t there. Not once.

The last time I was able to hear her voice, was the last time I would’ve been able to see her name flash on my cellphone screen, I would have answered, but once again, I wasn’t home.

Madeline, like me, would write songs in difficult situations. There were times where her voice was the only thing that could get me to fall asleep at night, and her songs made me hope for a better tomorrow when I wake up. It was soothing to hear her sing, she had a song for me, and it was something that would never be forgotten.

I was the only one who heard Madeline’s final melody, it played through my head a million times each day, as it was the last sounds she would ever make, and if I was there, I could have listened when she needed it the most, all I needed was to hear her words. She had too much, she needed help. I was supposed to be her friend, but I let her down. Madeline’s song was smothering me in her memory.

‘Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.’

She had always been broken, she never said a word, but I knew. I was just too stupid to try to do anything about it; she should have never trusted me. She called me at night, telling me that she would be gone in the morning, but she had nowhere to go. Time has taken its toll. No one could hear her cries, they just always assumed that she would do it every night, no one ever really listened. Her last words to me, “My veins are filled with lies... Bill, I’ve found my way out.”

I should have taken her seriously, because the next morning, I got the call. They found her body resting by the river, and I never had the chance to say goodbye.

As we did so many years before, I stood behind the trees, lighting my cigarette where no one would see, because it was out secret. Without Madeline, not even sneaking around was fun anymore. She saw the world in black and white, but she made it seem so much more beautiful, without ever noticing, those were the days.

She helped me to never be scared of anything, and when school would start and the summer ends, we wouldn’t care, she told me that life had to go on. I always thought that it would last forever, the summer nights sneaking out with her. She would push me away, even if it was my car, and she would drive as fast as she could manage, only a small smile playing on her soft, pale lips.

Her blood stained the sand where she was found, but even that would fade in time. Life wouldn’t be fair without her, not when she was the one who had the ability of making me see the light, even when she couldn’t see it herself.

Madeline was special. But she never believed it.

The wind blew against my skin, sending an icy shiver down my spine, the only comfort I had at that moment, was her face in my thoughts, where they would still remain, and never fade. A warm hand wrapped around mine, causing my heart to jump with the least bit of hope, but it couldn’t be her. She had no explanation for it, but she was always cold on the outside, even when she would touch me. I turned my head in their direction, and without even another glance, I turned and wrapped my arms around the older figure standing behind me.

“Tomi... I should have never come here. I can’t believe she’s really gone.” I whispered into his smooth dreads, feeling him rest his hands on my shoulder. Even that wasn’t comfort enough, the feeling made the emptiness inside of me worse, because it wasn’t her comforting me.

“Bill, it’s going to be okay someday, I know it.”

Someday. That was the word that stuck inside my head. No one knew how long this hurt would last; no one knew how long I would feel guilty. I could have made her happy, but I could never tell her. There was always the thought in my mind, it could have saved her. Tom’s arms covered me from the early October wind, as he helped me walk away from the river where Madeline took her last breaths.

I would always remember the last days I had with her, in early September, and I would always wonder why I was never there for her when she needed me. She will always be remembered, no matter how long.

I’ll still wish I was able to turn back time when I can’t sleep at night, because she didn’t have to die yet. I struggled to get out of my twin’s grasp, and turned around. I gave the river one silent nod before coming to a halt for a brief second.

“We’ll see you on the other side, my precious Madeline.”