I Guess We Never Really Moved On

I held the guitar up on my lap, desperately trying to get a good riff going. I was supposed to be coming up with some new material today - it was my mission. Too bad I spent the entire day sleeping and not doing anything else, so it never got done. I kept my notebook open, and my pen at its side as the light from the lamp spread across the desk. I adjusted my acoustic again and put my fingers in position, strumming the guitar pick between my pointer and thumb finger across the middle of the guitar.

A soft melody played out, causing shivers to dance down my spine. This happened every time I played guitar, it was the magic that was music.

Without even thinking about it, my fingers went in their respectable places on the neck of the guitar and I began to play The Beatles's While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I could feel the urge to sing the first couple lines softly but instead I stuck to my roots and played what I knew quietly.

With eyes closed, I heard the door behind me open and someone step out and turn off the light. They entered the room quietly as I played, their feet padding against the wooden floorboards and they approached me.

The owners hand slid across my shoulder to my neck and their head came close to mine, causing me to open my eyes and gaze at a pair of crystal clear green eyes.

"Hey," Krista said softly, grinning at me.

I gazed back at her and cleared my throat, "Enjoy your shower?"

"Yeah, it was okay," She replied, her perfectly sculpted lips turning up into a smile. She leaned in to kiss me quickly. "You gonna come to bed soon?"

I shrugged, "I don't know...I kinda planned to write some music today and I never got to it."

"But we haven't done anything together all day," Krista whined, her lips forming a frown. I watched, out of the corner of my eye, as Krista leaned in close to the side of my head and caught my earlobe in-between her teeth and bit down, hard.

"C'mon Ray," She whispered seductively.

"In a little bit babe. I'm just trying to write, okay?"

She signed, defeated, "Okay, whatever." She removed her hands from my body and stalked off towards her dresser, slowly picking up the brush and bringing it up to her head to brush her hair out.

No, it wasn't really like I was that eager to write. I just preferred to just chill out with my guitar tonight. I had a set plan today, and it wasn't fair to just push them away like that for my girlfriend.

And hey, don't get me wrong. I would love some lovin' right now, especially from Krista. She really wasn't bad, with her beautiful dark hair, perfect skin, slim body, and long legs. I loved just holding her, and feeling her in my arms and the look she gives me when she's about to...

Moving on. I loved Krista to death - she completed me. But I wanted to spend tonight with my other love and one of the only things that would be more important than her, my guitar.

I couldn't help but think back to one girl, the one girl that I would've thrown this guitar away for and did whatever she asked me to do. With her seemingly innocent attitude and lips to die for, I would've been at her beck and call.

But that didn't matter anymore.

This little break the guys and me were taking was gonna be over soon anyway. And we'd have to get back in the studio and get to write music for the new album. I wasn't one to be lazy, and I wanted to at least get some work done during this time. As much as 'working' with Krista tonight was tempting, I was pushing all those thoughts aside.

I pressed my fingertips to the neck of the guitar again, ready to shake all the thoughts of Krista away and get back to the music. I tried again with the notes I had put together earlier, the light melody I thought we could use for a ballad. I had gotten about four more notes that sounded about right with it when my cell phone began to ring in a spot far off on the desk.

I flubbed up on the guitar, and made a couple sour notes as my Megadeth ring tone rang out. I didn't even look at the screen and just picked it up and flipped it open, mumbling a quick, "Yeah?"

The caller sniffed quietly and cleared their throat before saying, "Ray?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"Ray, I...It's Theresa."

My eyes grew wide and I froze, too shocked to speak.

Theresa? I hadn't spoken to Theresa since we broke up, about two years ago. Immediately my mind flashed to her face, her smile, and my heart sped up as she repeated my name again, her voice laced with fear.

"Y-yeah, I'm here. What's up?"

"Oh uh...nothing, I guess. How about you?"

"Nothing...Any reason why you're calling so late?" I asked, feeling Krista's gaze on the back of my head. I knew this was probably going to start a fight when this phone conversation was over.

"No," She said, her voice trailing off before she began to cry softly. "I...I don't really know why I'm calling since we haven't talked in so long..."

"It's fine, why are you crying?" I asked carefully, keeping my voice down. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't know!" She exclaimed, sniffing. "Like...I need to talk to you, but over the phone isn't gonna work. And I know you're probably with your girlfriend right now so I was wondering if you could...come see me."

I froze and stared in front of me at the wall ahead. Come see her? Right now? What was this girl thinking? I had just denied my girlfriend sex so I could write music, and then she calls and asks if I can come see her so we can talk. Not that Theresa knew about the conversation Krista and I just had, so I couldn't really blame her.

I thought about this for a second. The chance to see her after I haven't forever vs. stay at home, try to come up with music, and then sleep with my girlfriend. I quickly tested the pros and cons of the situation when Theresa called my name again.

"One sec," I muttered, turning to look at Krista quickly. I saw her bent over the dresser, looking intently at her face. She made what looked like a perfect 90-degree angle with her body, her behind sticking out and causing all the blood to rush down to my lower area. I stared at her as she attempted to make the perfect part in her hair, my eyes dancing down her body, over her white tank top and black boy short underwear, to her legs, which we spread perfectly that I could just come behind her and...

I closed my eyes and thought back to Theresa, who sat on the other end of the line, sniffling quietly every couple of seconds. I thought about her alone, at her old place, on that old couch we'd sat on so many times. She was probably cuddled up in her favorite sweatshirt and blanket, something she always did when she was sad or confused. My mind wandered to her slender arms and body, a shiver running quickly through my body.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," I told her, lifting my guitar off of my lap and gingerly rested it against the side of the desk.

----

I drove down the dark streets of Jersey, thinking back to the conversation I just had with Krista that got me out of the house.

Okay, less conversation - more fight.

"I thought you had to write, huh Ray?" Krista had screamed at me as I pulled on my jeans. I winced at the volume of her voice and buttoned up the top.

"I did...and I still do, it's just something came up with uh…" Think Ray, think! "Gerard. Him and his wife got into a fight again and she left him there, alone. They just got together so you know, it's kind of tough on him."

"That's such crap," Krista mumbled. "If he didn't wanna fight with her, he should've never gotten with her."

"Well still, he's my best friend and he needs me right now. He's a fucking wreck, so I told him I'd be over there," I crept over to were she sat pouting on the bed. I leaned in and kissed her quickly. "I'll be back soon, if not tomorrow morning. And then we'll spend the entire day together, okay? I promise."

I really hoped Krista wouldn't remember that Gerard and Lindsey lived in the city, and I couldn't possibly be driving over there at 11:30 at night.

I smelt the familiar beach scent creep into my car through the crack in my window. I knew I was almost at Theresa's, seeing as how she lived right behind the beach in her ranch-like apartment. I turned down the main road I was on that lead to Theresa's house, the street dark and quiet.

I shut off the engine and opened the door, exiting the car and shut it. I locked it and walked up to the front door of Theresa's place, knocking on the door and then remembered to press the doorbell. I only had to wait a little bit before the door opened, and Theresa appeared behind it, opening it wide for me to step inside.

When I stepped inside, the familiar strawberry fragrance that was always present in her apartment hit me like a ton of bricks and I remembered all the times I'd stepped foot in here. Back then, I never really noticed how pretty her apartment always smelled and I never appreciated it. It made me realize how dull and just plain apartment smelling Krista and my place was.

"Hey," She whispered, looking down after closing the door. I tore my gaze away from looking around the apartment, glancing into the kitchen and living room quickly before looking down at her.

Theresa was small, almost Frank's height but shorter (if that was even possible), with cute little round brown eyes. But hers were a soft golden brown, the kind of color that could make your heart melt. She stood before me in plaid blue and light blue pajama pants and a Metallica hoodie.

My Metallica hoodie.

"Hey..." I replied softly. Without thinking, my hand immediately went to her face and I tipped it up to look at me. Her eyes flickered to mine and we stared at each other.

She looked sad, and I could tell she had really been crying. She looked confused and lost, unsure of what she was supposed to do or say. I felt just about the same, only curious as to what it was I was even doing here.

Theresa cleared her throat and we looked away suddenly. She grabbed my hand and led me into the living room, her small hand fitting comfortably in my larger one. I hoped she wouldn't mind how calloused and rough they'd gotten in the last couple years.

She sat down in the middle of the couch opposite the TV and I did the same, sitting a little bit away from her. I lay one hand on the back of the couch, resting the other on the pocket of my Black Parade hoodie.

"So what's up?" I asked, stopping myself from adding a 'hun' at the end of that.

Theresa took a deep breath and sighed, "Okay so...I guess I should start with what happened with James."

I raised an eyebrow at her and she gazed up at me, realization coming across her pretty face.

"Sorry, he was my ex. I'd been with him for about a year."

I nodded and prompted her to continue.

"So right, I found out he'd been cheating on me. And so I got kind of upset, y'know? And of course I dumped his stupid ass...but for some reason, I still felt sad and like, lonely. And I couldn't really understand why."

"Oh."

"And along with that it was like a...It was like something was missing, and now was the time that I needed to fill that void. Or, I don't know like, get back what I was missing, what I needed. And after that nice little realization, I'd gone to bed and..."

And that's where she stopped and looked away from me.

"Sweetheart?" I murmured quietly, to get her attention and leaned in close to her. I silently cursed myself for calling her the nickname I had for years.

I watched, confused, as Theresa rose from the couch and headed towards the balcony on the other side of the room. She quietly opened the doors and exited the room, a cool breeze coming in from the beach and filling the apartment with it's scent.

I mimicked her actions, minus opening the doors and came up behind her, watching her as she leaned over the railing and looked down at the beach that was her backyard. Theresa inhaled the beach smell and turned around to smile at me.

"Don't you just love the beach?" She asked, her voice silky and dreamy.

I nodded and then remembered her back was to me, "Yeah, this had always been our spot."

"Yeah..." Theresa agreed, standing up straight now.

Suddenly, I got the urge to just run over and hug her close to me. Which was exactly what I did, slowly taking my time to approach her. When I was close enough, I wrapped my arms across her body and immediately felt her relax in my arms. She leaned back against my chest, the top of her head softly touching my cheek and I clasped my hands in front of her. Theresa brought her hands to meet mine and I watched her close her eyes.

I brought my head down to hers, my lips close to her ear as I whispered, "I want you to finish..."

She sighed, a smile still plastered across her luscious lips. I licked mine as she began to speak, her eyes still closed.

"I had a dream, Ray...It was such an interesting dream, and I felt the most complete and whole since James broke up with me," Theresa said. "I had a dream about you."

I froze.

Because I too, had a dream about her the other night. And all I remember was feeling happy, and in the one place I was supposed to be.

Which was where I was now, with Theresa in my arms.

"You're tense," I heard Theresa mumble. "Why?"

"Because..." I began. "I had a dream about you the other night too, which is just weird...And it was exactly like this...and I felt the same way you did."

Her eyes opened up and she looked up at me, the crystal orbs held a longing and wanting gaze.

I felt all walls of resistance come down in an instant as we stood there, staring at each other. It was another moment where we'd be lost in each other’s eyes, something we hadn't done since we first got together.

But then a sudden image flashed to my mind, another set of crystal green eyes, glossy with tears yet to fall as I left my apartment. I thought about their owner, home, alone, waiting for me to get back from the lie I fed her.

"Ray..." Theresa's soft voice said to me, floating through the brisk air and into my ears and down into my heart as it swelled.

I felt cliché, I felt high school.

I felt love.

My lips trembled as hers came up towards mine, and I came close to her. I felt like this was going way slower than it should have, way slower than any other normal situation. I quickly closed the gap, gripping the cloth ofher my sweatshirt that she wore as I pulled her close against me. Her slender hands went up my chest, up my neck, and she threaded her fingers in through my hair.

Krista never did that. She said she hated it, felt like it was uncomfortable for me, besides it being so for herself. Claimed she wouldn't want someone doing that to her.

Thoughts like this kept me from being faithful. Things like this kept me from being faithful. Everything reminded me of what Theresa did, and what Krista wouldn't.

The kiss intensified, all of our feelings and frustrations fueling it and I carefully flicked my tongue against hers. She did the same and the kiss changed towards a more passionate sense, with me tipping her back a little.

It was things like this, experiences like this that would make any man unfaithful.

----

When I woke, I realized I wasn't in my own bed, in my own house. I looked around the room, my eyes finally landing on the clock that read 12:34 and I smirked.

1234, haha.
Kinda like how quickly it was for me to get into this bed.

I looked over at Theresa who lies next to me, and it was then that I noticed her waking up as well. Her golden brown eyes smiled over at me as she slid closer to me, and I welcomed her with open arms. One went around her shoulders, and the other brought her hand to my chest after I kissed it.

"Funny how this kind of stuff happens, huh?" I said suddenly, smiling up at the ceiling.

"Totally," Theresa said. "I guess we never really moved on, after two years."

"Yeah..." I agreed, hugging her close. I guess we didn't.