Holding Our Breath While We Touch

After Juliette and I had our mid-of-night talk I went to find Pat. I discovered him lying not far from where Juli had been sleeping. She wanted to give Pat and I our privacy, so she woke Jared and they moved upstairs to go back to sleep where I had been with Kennedy. I looked down at Pat once my two friends had left. He was curled up on the floor without a blanket. He was still wearing his white V-neck and dark blue skinnies, which were gradually falling down, now sitting just below his ass, exposing his grey boxer-briefs. His arms were wrapped around himself, goose bumps covered his lower back arms and feet. I saw tear stains covering his cheeks as I bent down beside him.

"Oh, Pat, baby, what have I done to you?" I whispered, erupting into a quiet, tearful cry. I attempted to wipe the ever-spilling tears from my cheeks. "Pat," I said as I lightly shook his shoulders to wake him.

"Dei? Huh? What's doing on?" sleepily spoke Pat.

"Shh. Come here." I lead Pat towards the couch and snuggled in with him, covering ourselves with a fleece throw. "Shh. Go back to sleep, honey."

"Alright." said Pat as he drifted off to sleep.

"I'm so sorry." I said, just before he fell asleep.

"I'm sorry, too," replied Pat, kissing me on the forehead and wiping away more of my tears, "now you shh."

"Pat?"

"Yea, Dei?"

"I love you."

"I know, Dei, I know. I love you, too." Pat nestled his head into my shoulder, "I love you, too."

_______________________________________________________________________

Over the next month things weren't as awkward as I thought they would be. Any feelings I thought that I had for Kennedy were gone, and ridiculous to think I had. Our interactions weren't that strange either. He had broken up with Leah, though, and was now just playing the field. It seemed that every time I went to pick Kennedy up for band practice he had a new girl. There was Annika, Becky, Laura, Hillary and Kelly. I had told Pat about hooking up with Kennedy. He took it just as you would expect. We broke up for two weeks. Eventually he forgave me, and told me that he was proud that I was honest. Ever since then we had been happier together than ever before.

The first night after we had gotten back together, Pat took me out to dinner. It was our first, real, official date. He made an attempt to look good, and it showed. His hair was clean and blow dried to that it swooshed over his forehead. He was wearing a bright green, long sleeved American Eagle polo style shirt, his always present black skinny jeans, and white Nike high topped dunks. He looked amazing.

"You look...great" I managed to say when he came to my door.

"Same goes for you, Dei! Just look at you, give me a little spin, hun." smiled back Pat, holding my head above my head so that he spun me slowly around, looking me over. I had, once again, collaborated my wardrobe with Juli's and managed to pull off, I must say, a pretty damn hot outfit. I was wearing a white tank top, tucked into a high rise skirt, and a chunky, busy, and messy necklace which was a mixture of old keys, peace signs, flower rings on a chain and chunky metal beads. I had swept up my hair into a messy bun, and the same shoes I had worn to Tim's party.

Pat stuck out his arm for me to take, very gentlemanly-like. I took his arm, laughing, as he lead me to the car. Once we were out on the road, I turned to Pat.

"So! Where are we going?"

"Oh, that is a surprise," he said with a smirk in his eye.

"But.." before I could finish my sentence he had kissed his two finders, index and middle, and put them on my lips, shushing me.

"Shh, silly! I told you, surprise!"

"Fine!" I said, maybe sounding a bit P.Oed. But, I smiled and kissed him on the cheek as we continued to drive down the highway.

Pat ended up taking me to this really nice, locally owned Italian Bistro in the next town. It was so sweet of him, and he even picked up the entire bill, despite my protests. He drove me home, making it there in time for my curfew. That was a first.

"Goodbye, Deidee," said Pat, holding my arms, just below my shoulder, on my doorstep.

"Goodbye, Pat," me with my hands slipped into his back pockets.

We leaned in and had the cutest, and cliche kiss ever. Right there, on my doorstep, the only light coming from the porch one above our heads. It was slow and sweet from the lemonade we had drank on our way home. We pulled back and Pat kissed me again, quickly and then pecked me on the forehead.

"Sweet dreams." he opened the door for me and I walked inside.

"You too." I whispered back to the door.

I slept better then I had for months that night. Pat and I were in a perfect spot in our relationship. He was going on tour with his band in a couple of weeks, and he had invited me along to help Peter with booking and the money and keeping everything in order. I had already gotten an okay from my mom and everything was in place. But, around 2 in the morning I heard someone throwing rocks at my window.

"Aw," I thought before I pulled back my curtain, "how sweet," thinking that it was Pat, naturally.

Oh...my...eff.. were the exact thoughts that came to my mind when I saw who was standing there.

It was Kennedy.

"DEIDEE!" yelled Kennedy.

"What is it?" I asked impatiently but still kind.

"Dei. .I. .I"

"Come on, what is it, babe?"

"I love you. Those other girls, they were just to make you jealous. I know now that it was the complete wrong approach and I am sorry."

"Sorry for what Kennedy? Sorry for what? Are you sorry for coming between Pat and I? You know, finally I am in a relationship I am completely happy in. I love Pat, Kennedy. Not, you. I'm sorry for not loving you. But what do you have to be sorry for?" I yelled at him, bursting into tears.

"Dei, I'm just sorry, okay? I'm sorry for everything. So fucking sorry. But I still love you. I don't want to, but I do."

"You know something, Kenny. After I spent a night with you I thought that I maybe liked you. No! No! I don't! There is no way that I do," I spurted out at him. All the while he was climbing the trellis outside my bedroom window. By the time I was finished speaking he was face to face with me.

"Keep telling yourself that, Deidee. No matter how many times you tell yourself you love Pat only, it won't help. It won't change anything."

Then he kissed me. Just like that. Just when I thought everything was perfect, it was all screwed up again. And the worst part. I kissed him back. When Kennedy started to pull back, I leaded forward to him so that we kept kissing.

"I know, Kenny, I know." I closed my window, leaving Kennedy looking at me through a plane of glass. He placed his hand on the window and rested his forehead next to it. I sat up, looking at each other for what seemed like eons. Eventually Kenny turned and jumped off of the trellis and took off.

The only evidence that he had been there was the fog his breath made on the window and a subtle tingle on my lips.