Holding Our Breath While We Touch

We all woke bright and early the next morning in order to get to the next venue. The unexpected stop last night had put us a bit behind schedule. As we drove down the highway in the van, sitting curled up with Pat, I knew that everyone now knew about me and Kennedy.

You would think that everyone knowing would make everything awkward. But it didn't. They understood our situation so well, that it was a bit scary. Everyone was looking out for not only me but Kennedy as well. Kenny and I never had a moment alone together, which I was both thankful and not for. Thankful because, well obviously, there would be no chance of us doing anything together again.

But, I was also upset about that because now Kennedy and I wouldn't be able to talk about our situation properly. I wanted Kennedy to realize that I loved Pat more then anything. There would always be something between us, but that was something I would never indulge in as long as I was with or without Pat.

Kennedy, thankfully, was good at reading body language. He got that I loved Pat, and didn't want to do anything with him anymore. We steered clear of me when I was by myself and even started talking to Leah again. Even though he seemed to be taking my hints, I still felt that there was stuff we needed to talk about.

"Hey, Pat?"

"Yea?"

"I think that Kenny and I need some alone time together. You know, just to talk about what happened. Tie up loose ends you know?"

"Yea, actually I've been thinking about that a lot, Dei. It isn't very fair of me, or us rather, to keep you two so separated. Of, course, to find him. I think that I saw him last in the dressing room, underneath the stage."

We were at a Chain Reaction in Cali, our fourth venue on the tour. I so far liked the Chain Reaction venue the best. They were pretty clean and legit, unlike some sketchy places we had stayed at previously. I wandered down the stairs to the dressing rooms, passing Jared on my way down.

"Jared, is Kennedy down there?"

"Yea..he's by himself though. You want me to tag along?"

"No, that's okay," I said, seeing that he looked skeptical. "Don't worry, I talked about this with Pat."

"Alright then, as long as you've cleared it up with Pat." He looked a little more convinced.

I rapped three times, lightly, on the door before I entered.

"Kenny?" I said, sticking my head into the tiny room that could have passed as a closet.

I saw him sitting on a big couch style chair, strumming acoustically on his electric guitar.

"Hey, 'sup Dei?" said Kennedy, looking surprised.

"Oh, not too much. Well, I was sort of thinking that we should talk."

"What subject did you have in mind?" teased Kennedy.

"I'm being serious here! You know what I want to talk about.

"Yea, I know, sorry Dei," apologized Kennedy, "So."

"So."

"Well, I guess you want to get it cleared up that..you like Pat and not me?"

"Kennedy! I love Pat!"

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I won't try anything."

"I know you won't Kennedy, but I'm still worried that I will. I mean, like, take Tim's party for example. What happens if there is a party we are both at and we end up hooking up again? We can't just not ever drink again, or not ever go to the same parties. Kennedy, I'm scared of hurting Pat again."

"Dei, from what you are saying, it sounds like you shouldn't be in a relationship right now, especially one as serious as the one you are in. You still have feelings for me?"

"Yea, Kenny, I do. I do, ok? I wish that they would go away, but I've come to terms with the fact that they won't. So now I just need to deal with what I have."

"Well," laughed Kennedy, "you don't have to worry. I've actually been thinking about getting back together with Leah."

"What? You got over me just like that?"

"No, silly. Of course not. But, you know, you aren't the only person on the earth who can like more than one person. I still really like you, but I know that it'll never work. Not ever. So, why not start something with Leah? What we had was great, and I don't want to interfere with you and Pat."

"Thanks Kennedy." I walked over to him and kissed him. It wasn't like a kiss like before. It was friendly, that's all. "Thank you."