You're All I Ever Wanted

We sped off. I should have changed my mind and not have gone back to the place that was causing me so much pain but I knew I had too. I had to do this. I could do this I told myself. The entire drive there I was busy giving myself confidence boosts. I could do this. I could look him in the face and tell him I didn’t need him any more. I could tell him I didn’t love him any more. I shook my head. That was a total lie but I couldn’t go on living like this. I had to leave him behind. His face came into mind and a look of hurt crossed those dark brown eyes. I mentally smacked myself. You have to get over him Lillie I told myself. You’re just making this worse on yourself. I was going to do this and it wasn’t going to hurt him. I highly doubt he even missed me. No I don’t doubt it I know he didn’t miss me. If he did he would have asked about me right? He hadn’t but would Sean have told me? I smacked my forehead again. Lillie why do you keep trying to hold on to some one that isn’t even missing you. I stared straight again. I was damaging myself. That feeling hurt though. Kaitlin interrupted my thoughts.
“So tell me about Embry again.” So far out of all my old friends he was her favorite. I thought it was funny.
“I have already told you a thousand times Kit Kat.” She smiled.
“But I want to hear it again.” I rolled my eyes.
“Remind me next time to leave you home.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“It’s not my fault a certain some one is dreading seeing their first love again.” I growled. I had to admit she had me there. I was beyond dreading it. I was doing well not seeing Jake. I knew I needed to do this though because I needed closure. I sighed. That is exactly what I needed was closure. I needed to do what Gabe told me too and leave all my thoughts of Jake here in La Push. I would be a lot happier and so would every one around me. Maybe Gabe and I could be happy together. Why did I feel like I was betraying Jake with thoughts like that? You’re doing it again Lillie. I sighed.
We finally arrived in La Push and my nerves were like a live wire. I was freaking out. I couldn’t do this. I was so confident that I could. Hell I knew I could until our houses came into view. I mean the Black household and my own. I sighed this wasn’t going to be good. I pulled into our driveway and ducked down next to the truck. I felt like such a coward ducking down and hiding from the one person that knew me better than he knew his hand. I stood there a few short minutes because Kaitlin came around from her side of the truck. She shook her head at me and pulled me to my feet. I pulled myself down to the ground. She sighed and impatiently tapped her foot.
“You do realize that he has a better chance on seeing you outside then he does if you are safely inside the house.” I swore. She had a point. I slowly got up and took off running into the house. I sighed and went to find my mother. I walked into the kitchen and her coffee mug was there but she wasn’t. I sighed and walked up the stairs. She may be in her room. I got down the hallway but paused when I noticed my door open. I walked in and my mother was sitting on my bed holding my favorite stuffed dog. She had tears streaming down her face. I walked over and placed my arms around her.
“Momma please don’t cry I am home now.” She looked up from the bear and pulled me into a tight hug.
“My Lillie has come home. I knew you would. Sean wasn’t so sure.” I nodded. I don’t blame Sean. I wasn’t really sure myself if I had wanted to come home. Why hadn’t Sean told me mom missed me so much? He didn’t want you to feel guilted into coming home. God I had the greatest brother ever. I squeezed her and then let her go.
“I am here to stay mom so don’t worry. By the way where is Sean? I miss my big brother.” She smiled through tears and then patted her eyes dry.
“Sean is at Sam’s.” I nodded, and then I remembered Kaitlin.
“Hey mom I hope you don’t mind but I brought a friend home with me.” Home sounded so right. She brightened up.
“You know that’s fine baby so who is he?” I blushed.
“Actually its one of my best friends from Virginia; her name is Kaitlin.” Mom flushed with embarrassment.
“I’m sorry I just thought that… never mind.” I laughed.
“It’s understandable. I want her to meet Sean so I will be back in a little bit.” She smiled.
“Stop at the store for me and get something for dinner.” I shrugged.
“Anything imparticular?” She shook her head.
“What ever you feel like eating.” I nodded and walked downstairs to get Kit Kat. She was staring out the window with her mouth gaping open.
“Wow how many neighbors do you have?” I shrugged.
“I don’t know I just got back remember?” She pointed out the window and I squealed and ran out the door. I ran into Jake’s yard and tackled the first one I seen. I was on top of him squealing.
“Eek Sean I missed you.” He stood there… well laid there dumb founded. He rubbed his eyes.
“Lillie you’re home.” I nodded and hugged him again. We were gaining quite an audience so I got off and brushed myself off. I heard Kaitlin’s voice and I froze.
“Aw come on Lillie I want a tackle a hot guy.” I blushed and grabbed Sean’s hand. His face just froze and they just stared at each other. I felt left out so I left them standing there. I saw Quil and I went and jumped on his back. I knew I had missed every one but this was unreal. I was either jumping or tackling every one. Hopefully Jake stayed where ever he was at.
“Um excuse me miss would you mind getting off of me?” I got off and hit him. I pulled back my hand trying to shake off the pain. Owwie.
“Damn Quil when did you get all muscular yowch.” He rubbed his eyes then picked me up and spun me around then dropped me. “Ow Quil,” he smiled and picked me up and hugged me. “Bipolar much?” He laughed.
“No I dropped you for leaving. Do you know what that did to us? Jake wouldn’t leave his house for a month easily. Billy had to force him to go to school.” I scoffed.
“Obviously he wasn’t thinking about me when he was with her,” I said ‘her’ with obvious disgust. To my surprise Quil laughed.
“You left over some girl being with Jake.” I went to hit him again but changed my mind when I looked at my hand.
“Its not funny Quil I was in love with him. I told Embry.” He stopped laughing and hit my arm.
“Now I feel all left out you told Em your biggest secret but not me I feel so hurt,” he pretended to cry.
“I told Embry because I knew he wouldn’t blab to Jake where you would have.”
“So do you still love Jake?” I felt my heart speed up.
“I have to go Quil I will catch up with you later.” He laughed.
“You can’t hide from him forever Lil remember that.” I nodded and ran past Kaitlin and my brother making out. I backed up and looked at them ew. I took off to my truck and the urge to leave again came up. Quil had read me like a book after talking to me for a few short minutes. I had to get to the store. I needed to get away for just a minute. I put my truck in reverse and pulled out of the driveway and drove off. I strongly resisted the urge to drive out of La Push.
I walked into the grocery store about ten minutes later. I think steak sounds good right now. I grabbed four of them and then the seasonings and salts I would need. Now for the rest of the meal I grabbed five pounds of potatoes and some random vegetable. Then I started to get hungry and by the time I was done shopping my cart was filled. I paid for it all and put it in the back of my truck. Driving home wasn’t all that bad. It was quite peaceful that is until I got home and what I saw staring at me I did not like. I tried to shake it off and ignore the feeling I had to look. I gave into temptation and turned around and caught my breath. That couldn’t be him. There’s no way.
“Lillie?”