Leaning Into the Breeze
Memories That Fade Like Photographs
Olivia closed her eyes and smelled the sickening air of New York. To her, at that moment, it wasn’t sickening, like it used to be. In that moment it was a familiar and comforting smell; two things she had grown a stranger to. As Olivia breathed in, it was like all pollution had been eradicated; and all that was left was a sweet and reassuring scent. Reassuring in that what she was about to do was the right thing.
“What the hell are you doing?” a voice asked, startling Olivia.
Olivia looked innocently behind her and saw Jack standing there, phone in hand.
“John just called me,” Jack said, casually waving up his phone, “he said that you called him. That you needed help and to come here. I came as fast as I could.”
“Sorry,” Olivia whispered, her head down toward the streets of New York, unable to look Jack in the eyes.
“Olivia!” he cried, sounding more hurt than anything, “why don’t you feel like you can talk to me? Look at me, ‘Livia!” he continued to plead, “we live together! I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Olivia cringed when he said love. Lately too many people had been telling her that. She wasn’t quite so sure what love was. All Olivia did was look back at Jack. She looked at him with the most painful and distant eyes. She looked at Jack, asking him to help her make all this chaos inside her go away. Olivia asked him, even though she knew already that he couldn’t do anything.
“And why the fuck was Nick half naked on our couch?”
But, even after Jack’s requisition, Olivia didn’t move away from the building’s ledge. “Define love,” she finally said.
“What?” Jack looked at her utterly confused.
“Define it. Love.”
“Shit, Olivia I don’t know.”
“Is it when you like someone?”
“No, it’s more then that. It’s something that just happens. It isn’t something that can be explained, I guess. But, Olivia, all I know is that I love you.”
“Shit,” Olivia said into the cold air. “Then how the hell can you say you love me when you don’t even know what the fuck it is?” She turned her head away from Jack and looked back out into the now bustling streets. “I don’t know what it is either. Lately it seems like I’ve been using those three words so often that I don’t even know what it means anymore.”
Olivia bowed her head, trying to sort out her thoughts.
“Olivia. Just come home. Home to me. To our home. We can work this all out.” Jack started towards Olivia, reaching out to pull her away from the building’s edge.
Instead of falling into his arms, she slapped his hand away. “No, Jack. I can’t work this all out. It’s been like this for a year. Look at me! Fucking look at me! I’m a mess!”
Jack looked Olivia up and down. He looked at her differently this time. This time, instead of with a loving eye, he looked at her like a stranger might. What he saw entirely shocked him. Olivia looked like a ghost. Her arms were barely there and her clavicles jutted out of her skin along with her ribs. The clothes she wore seemed to hang off of her, like they were draped on a clothes hanger. Her face was past defined, now seeming hollow. Dark, purplish-brown bags lay under Olivia’s sunken, spiritless eyes.
“This can’t be fixed Jack. I don’t know what else to do.” Olivia closed her eyes and let her tiny body begin to sway in the wind.
“Wait,” Jack suddenly interrupted. He walked up beside Olivia, joining her on the edge of the building. He grasped hold of her hand. Jack smiled strongly and brightly as he could for her. He gave her hand a little squeeze and her face a little kiss.
Jack whispered to her, “Now you don’t have to choose. Don’t change your mind.”
Right then Olivia knew it. Jack was willing to die for. Jack would give up his life for her. There was nothing wrong with his life, only with her own.
That’s when Olivia knew she wanted to be with Jack forever.
“Jack,” she said, “I’d do anything for you. You were and are my beautiful rescue. If you jump, I will jump too. I would die for you. And I am going to.”
Olivia left her life behind. She left it there, on top of the building. She could feel air rushing all around her, like a tunnel, as she fell from the building’s ledge. She kept her eyes closed as to not look back. As she fell, though, her hand was still warm. Like it was still holding onto Jack’s
“I love you,” Olivia managed to whisper before her frail body smashed into the hard, mean pavement beside Jack’s in the streets of New York. Their bodies lay there, broken, their hands still inter-wined.
__________________________________________________________________
Olivia Kerensa Bliss woke with a start. She shot up in bed, covered in sweat, and looked at her clock.
It was 11:30 in the morning on July 15, 2004.
Olivia walked out of her room, rubbing her eyes, and into the kitchen where John, who was up for the summer, was sitting, drinking some vitamin water.
“Hey, there sleepyhead,” John tousled Olivia’s hair as she walked by. “You aren’t looking so good.”
“You’d never believe the dream I had. You were in it. And you were the singer for some band. Called The Maine I think.”
“Me?” John asked, pointing to his own chest, “a singer? Damn, that is some messed up dream you had, ‘Livia,” he continued while taking a sip of his vitamin water.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Olivia whispered back, quiet enough for only her to hear.
She continued to walk across the kitchen, over to the radio. She turned the dial around a bit, trying to find her favourite station. It played newly signed or indie pop bands and often had some pretty good stuff. “Damn, why does my mom always change it?” Olivia muttered just as she hit the station she’d been searching for, music blasted from the speakers.
“I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life: my last regret
Now I've walked this line a
Thousand times before
It hurts too much to bear
For you
I'd tear out my own heart
And write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming goodbye
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
There's a look in your eye and
It’s screaming goodbye
Now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And I’d hate to watch you cry
I’d hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away”
“Who the hell is this?” Olivia asked all the wile dancing to the new music.
“How should I know,” John retorted, continuing to drink his vitamin water.
“What the hell are you doing?” a voice asked, startling Olivia.
Olivia looked innocently behind her and saw Jack standing there, phone in hand.
“John just called me,” Jack said, casually waving up his phone, “he said that you called him. That you needed help and to come here. I came as fast as I could.”
“Sorry,” Olivia whispered, her head down toward the streets of New York, unable to look Jack in the eyes.
“Olivia!” he cried, sounding more hurt than anything, “why don’t you feel like you can talk to me? Look at me, ‘Livia!” he continued to plead, “we live together! I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Olivia cringed when he said love. Lately too many people had been telling her that. She wasn’t quite so sure what love was. All Olivia did was look back at Jack. She looked at him with the most painful and distant eyes. She looked at Jack, asking him to help her make all this chaos inside her go away. Olivia asked him, even though she knew already that he couldn’t do anything.
“And why the fuck was Nick half naked on our couch?”
But, even after Jack’s requisition, Olivia didn’t move away from the building’s ledge. “Define love,” she finally said.
“What?” Jack looked at her utterly confused.
“Define it. Love.”
“Shit, Olivia I don’t know.”
“Is it when you like someone?”
“No, it’s more then that. It’s something that just happens. It isn’t something that can be explained, I guess. But, Olivia, all I know is that I love you.”
“Shit,” Olivia said into the cold air. “Then how the hell can you say you love me when you don’t even know what the fuck it is?” She turned her head away from Jack and looked back out into the now bustling streets. “I don’t know what it is either. Lately it seems like I’ve been using those three words so often that I don’t even know what it means anymore.”
Olivia bowed her head, trying to sort out her thoughts.
“Olivia. Just come home. Home to me. To our home. We can work this all out.” Jack started towards Olivia, reaching out to pull her away from the building’s edge.
Instead of falling into his arms, she slapped his hand away. “No, Jack. I can’t work this all out. It’s been like this for a year. Look at me! Fucking look at me! I’m a mess!”
Jack looked Olivia up and down. He looked at her differently this time. This time, instead of with a loving eye, he looked at her like a stranger might. What he saw entirely shocked him. Olivia looked like a ghost. Her arms were barely there and her clavicles jutted out of her skin along with her ribs. The clothes she wore seemed to hang off of her, like they were draped on a clothes hanger. Her face was past defined, now seeming hollow. Dark, purplish-brown bags lay under Olivia’s sunken, spiritless eyes.
“This can’t be fixed Jack. I don’t know what else to do.” Olivia closed her eyes and let her tiny body begin to sway in the wind.
“Wait,” Jack suddenly interrupted. He walked up beside Olivia, joining her on the edge of the building. He grasped hold of her hand. Jack smiled strongly and brightly as he could for her. He gave her hand a little squeeze and her face a little kiss.
Jack whispered to her, “Now you don’t have to choose. Don’t change your mind.”
Right then Olivia knew it. Jack was willing to die for. Jack would give up his life for her. There was nothing wrong with his life, only with her own.
That’s when Olivia knew she wanted to be with Jack forever.
“Jack,” she said, “I’d do anything for you. You were and are my beautiful rescue. If you jump, I will jump too. I would die for you. And I am going to.”
Olivia left her life behind. She left it there, on top of the building. She could feel air rushing all around her, like a tunnel, as she fell from the building’s ledge. She kept her eyes closed as to not look back. As she fell, though, her hand was still warm. Like it was still holding onto Jack’s
“I love you,” Olivia managed to whisper before her frail body smashed into the hard, mean pavement beside Jack’s in the streets of New York. Their bodies lay there, broken, their hands still inter-wined.
__________________________________________________________________
Olivia Kerensa Bliss woke with a start. She shot up in bed, covered in sweat, and looked at her clock.
It was 11:30 in the morning on July 15, 2004.
Olivia walked out of her room, rubbing her eyes, and into the kitchen where John, who was up for the summer, was sitting, drinking some vitamin water.
“Hey, there sleepyhead,” John tousled Olivia’s hair as she walked by. “You aren’t looking so good.”
“You’d never believe the dream I had. You were in it. And you were the singer for some band. Called The Maine I think.”
“Me?” John asked, pointing to his own chest, “a singer? Damn, that is some messed up dream you had, ‘Livia,” he continued while taking a sip of his vitamin water.
“You don’t even know the half of it,” Olivia whispered back, quiet enough for only her to hear.
She continued to walk across the kitchen, over to the radio. She turned the dial around a bit, trying to find her favourite station. It played newly signed or indie pop bands and often had some pretty good stuff. “Damn, why does my mom always change it?” Olivia muttered just as she hit the station she’d been searching for, music blasted from the speakers.
“I said I'd never forget your face
Vaulted away inside my head
And memories never seem to fade
You were the best part of my life: my last regret
Now I've walked this line a
Thousand times before
It hurts too much to bear
For you
I'd tear out my own heart
And write our names together
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
And in the end we're turning on and off again
There's a look in your eye
And it's screaming goodbye
I'd hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away
There's a look in your eye and
It’s screaming goodbye
Now it tears me apart just to look at the sky
And I’d hate to watch you cry
I’d hate to watch you cry
Your love is the barrel of a gun
So tell me am I on the right end
I could be nothing but a memory to you
Don't let this memory fade away”
“Who the hell is this?” Olivia asked all the wile dancing to the new music.
“How should I know,” John retorted, continuing to drink his vitamin water.
♠ ♠ ♠
Alright, so I think this needs a little explaining for those who aren't into All Time Low, hardcorethe song that Olivia hears on the radio is Memories That Fade Like Photographs, a song from All Time Low's first EP, when they were still on Emerald Moon Records. They released it in 2004, the year it actually is in the story
And also, since it is 2004 in the story, John doesn't know anyone in The Maine, except Pat. Also, he doesn't know that he can sing yet.
I hope that you all understood the ending without having to read this, because I think it would be so much better.
hope you liked it!!