Letter to Me
Jenny Scott
What I would have done differently...When my mother died I would have went to the funeral.
“Sweetheart please.” My father's gruff tear filled voice came from behind me, but I didn't turn, I stared down at my reflection in the water. My black dress, hair up, pale white skin, the blue sky dotted with white clouds as a background.
Why would I go?
Did he not remember that for all my seventeen years and 15 days she had been a drunk, drug addict. Who only came home when she got kicked out of her own small hell hole full of needles, dishes stacked to the ceiling, un washed clothing cluttering the floor.
She wasn't my mother she was the women who rather think I didn't exist until I was the one opening up the front door. My father would let her in every time, me I slammed the door right in her face. After the first few times she learned the only way she could stop me was to throw herself at me and hug on tight, whispering in my ear how I was her baby.
It worked the first time, and the time after that, but then her body that was just skin started to smell like smoke, chucking, killing smoke, the type that made me want to throw up. Pretty soon I couldn't stand it she left it ever where she was, the couch, kitchen, backyard, car, me. A toxin I couldn't clean off.
Then she was gone, and I could breath.
“No.” I said finally, but he was already gone, I could hear the car driving down the dirt road away from the docks.
I looked over the lake seeing the mourning fog floating over the water like it did ever day at this time, a different type of smoke, one to hide behind. Carefully I slipped off the dock holding myself up as my knees sank into the water that appeared to be black without the sky's reflection. Soon I was under water swimming to the smoke hoping to hide.
“Do you know who John Danton is?” Dianne asked looking at me from across her dining room table, the card game in between us.
“Ah, I think his in my English class.” I answered her shuffling the eight cards in my hand. I looked up to see her having a thoughtful look over her freckled face, her light green eyes turned to look out the dining room window that was open just enough so that her curly brown hair and my black thin hair had slight movement.
“Dianne?” I asked concerned looking out the window wondering what had her so transfixed, all I saw was her backyard of nothing but grass, and then the trees the spaces in between had more trees until it was just a black wall.
Climbing back onto the dock, I was complete soaked, chills ran down my spine from the cold that still lingered before the real summer heat hit.
I heard them before I saw them, a racket of high pitch screams, and deep laughs. A red four door Ford truck was coming down the dirt path a speed boat trailing after it. Quickly I dashed towards the woods that lined the road, finding the pathway with ease only someone who came here everyday could display.
For a split second I turned to see who it was, Sarah Carpenter, Emily Dogus, Brad Davis and Jared Hudson.
“Oh sorry, I spaced didn't I?” Dianne asked smiling at me.
“It's okay.” I told her smiling back.
“It's just...Never mind it's not like he'd ever like me.”
“Dianne, you don't know that.”
“Sweetheart please.” My father's gruff tear filled voice came from behind me, but I didn't turn, I stared down at my reflection in the water. My black dress, hair up, pale white skin, the blue sky dotted with white clouds as a background.
Why would I go?
Did he not remember that for all my seventeen years and 15 days she had been a drunk, drug addict. Who only came home when she got kicked out of her own small hell hole full of needles, dishes stacked to the ceiling, un washed clothing cluttering the floor.
She wasn't my mother she was the women who rather think I didn't exist until I was the one opening up the front door. My father would let her in every time, me I slammed the door right in her face. After the first few times she learned the only way she could stop me was to throw herself at me and hug on tight, whispering in my ear how I was her baby.
It worked the first time, and the time after that, but then her body that was just skin started to smell like smoke, chucking, killing smoke, the type that made me want to throw up. Pretty soon I couldn't stand it she left it ever where she was, the couch, kitchen, backyard, car, me. A toxin I couldn't clean off.
Then she was gone, and I could breath.
“No.” I said finally, but he was already gone, I could hear the car driving down the dirt road away from the docks.
I looked over the lake seeing the mourning fog floating over the water like it did ever day at this time, a different type of smoke, one to hide behind. Carefully I slipped off the dock holding myself up as my knees sank into the water that appeared to be black without the sky's reflection. Soon I was under water swimming to the smoke hoping to hide.
“Do you know who John Danton is?” Dianne asked looking at me from across her dining room table, the card game in between us.
“Ah, I think his in my English class.” I answered her shuffling the eight cards in my hand. I looked up to see her having a thoughtful look over her freckled face, her light green eyes turned to look out the dining room window that was open just enough so that her curly brown hair and my black thin hair had slight movement.
“Dianne?” I asked concerned looking out the window wondering what had her so transfixed, all I saw was her backyard of nothing but grass, and then the trees the spaces in between had more trees until it was just a black wall.
Climbing back onto the dock, I was complete soaked, chills ran down my spine from the cold that still lingered before the real summer heat hit.
I heard them before I saw them, a racket of high pitch screams, and deep laughs. A red four door Ford truck was coming down the dirt path a speed boat trailing after it. Quickly I dashed towards the woods that lined the road, finding the pathway with ease only someone who came here everyday could display.
For a split second I turned to see who it was, Sarah Carpenter, Emily Dogus, Brad Davis and Jared Hudson.
“Oh sorry, I spaced didn't I?” Dianne asked smiling at me.
“It's okay.” I told her smiling back.
“It's just...Never mind it's not like he'd ever like me.”
“Dianne, you don't know that.”