No Sleep Til Brooklyn

18 hours and no sleep.

The tour is finished. It is seriously, finally finished. I like tour. No, I'm not lying. I do like tour. This tour was weird. For one, we only got to see Cobra a couple times. And that's unusual for us because we're like brothers from other mothers, our bands. Like...cheese and ham. And peanut butter and jelly. I don't know, I think you get the idea.

Pulling up to the parking lot was one of the best things I could ever try to explain...do my sentences make sense? I don't feel like I'm making sense. I'm glad to be back to my hometown. "Chicagooo!" I repeat. I love tour. But I'm exhausted, it's been a while since I've slept properly. Sisky snores, and insomnia has been hitting hard. I spend most of the time that the band uses to sleep and stare out the window. Usually playing something incredibly emo like John Mayer or something along those lines. Sometimes I watch movies. Fuse plays good movies.

Being on tour is like a slumber party. A continuous slumber party that you really, really wish you could ditch. But you can't, because it's worth it when you go on stage. It's the after and before that makes you want to go home. You can only stand being in a contained place with the same people for so long. I like my band, just like I like being on tour. I love my band, actually. And everyone on tour with us... Too much of a good thing is possible.

I don't think I can stand watching another season of the O.C., honestly. I might die. Somehow Jon Walker got Michael Carden hooked. I don't even know what to say about that.

25 hours without sleep.

I could feel Suarez' eyes me from across the bar as I talked not-so-animatedly with the bartender. I didn't drink anything, I had to get back to writing the second I was allowed to...Or maybe like, sleep. Or something. Sometimes you just don't have time for Pete and his damn parties. Asher and Saporta are grinding in the corner. Pete himself is nowhere to be found. Spencer and Jon are making out. At least this is a private event.

Not like Gabe would care. He always brags about how shameless he is. Whatever. I feel like I'm about to fall asleep. Ohh. Sleep.

Sleep sounds good... Instead I down a mountain dew and begin to talking with Ashlee. She was the only other person not drinking. Gotta stick together... even if she's a little annoying, and she gets jealous of when Pete checks every boy signed to Decaydance out.

She should just accept it.

I feel like a robot. Blink, mountain dew, shrug off the sympathetic stares (I must look like shit) Ryan Ross is giving me, talk. Repeat.

30 hours with no sleep.

The Butcher approached me just as I had sat down to possibly fall asleep. "Bilvy, why don't you go to your bed?" He asked carefully. Ryland and Ryan probably talked him into being concerned or something.

"Can't sleep." I replied, even though that had been my intentions when I sat.

"Dude, why not?" He sat next to me, his eyes aware and focused. Well, fuck you. Fuck you and your sleep.

I sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. It read 4 am. I mumbled something that I'm not sure was a sentence under my breath before going off, "I gotta go! We have to preform at that thing tomorrow at the place and they want that NEW song, the one that we were practicing but I kind of spilled coffee on the lyrics and who knew it washes ink away that easily? And printing out copies? Pfft, that's too new age for me. So I have about an hour to remember that and then I'm going to shower because I fucking SMELL like shit and I wanted to wash all my clothes because they smell too, and Pete wanted to know if I could do him a favor and I can't say no, it's a problem and after that-- you know what? I just have to go..."

34 hours of no sleep.

Is it possible to fall asleep washing your hands? Because my hands are prunes and I don't remember washing them THAT long... I probably fell asleep. The more I go without sleep the more tired I get...wow, I'm a genius for figuring out that fucking world mystery. Who would have thought that tiredness is the side effect of lack of sleep?

I'm waiting for Pete--where is Pete? I can't really focus on anything in particular and I should take out my contacts. They're starting to hurt my eyes. How long have I been wearing them? I bet I would get yelled at for wearing them for too long. After I finish this Pete-chore I'll take them out. Someone sat down next to me, but even after I rubbed my eyes it didn't look like Pete. "Gabe!" I cheered happily, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. We'd seen each other briefly the night before, but I wasn't in the mood to talk. What the fuck with these damn contacts?

I'm at the point of sleepiness that I become a brainless idiot. Because mentally stable William would never squeal like a girl at just the sight of Gabe. No matter how Gabe-y he is. Normal William keeps his composure and flashes him some hips "accidentally".

So what if normal William is a tease? "Nobody's perfect! I gotta work it! Again and again..." Because I didn't know the rest of the song it came out in mumbles, but Gabe probably has it memorized by heart anyways.

He didn't seem to mind how loopy I was acting, and he didn't question when I randomly sang Hannah Montana. I guess that explains our relationship. Oh, my bad. Friendship. But italicize it. Friendship. It's more powerful that way. Shows my bitterness.

"Beckett, did you get into my pot stash?" Whatever Saporta, whatever.

I crossed my arms in some way to try to look like I had an upper hand (when really I was grinning like I was drunk--so I'm not sure what kind of person would see me as an authority figure) and stared at him, "Where is Wentz? He needed me to do something for him." I'm not sure if I was trying to make it sound like I was accusing him but that's how it turned out. Maybe it's the damn contacts.

"I traded with him and did his chore for you. In return for you doing something for me." I stared blankly. What he just said didn't process, I'm not sure why. He could tell this, because well...he's Gabe and I'm William and he can read me like an open book. He spoke slower this time, "I helped Pete, you help me."

"A BLOWJOB IN THE LOBBY OF THIS HOTEL?" It was the hotel the party was at, free board and shit for the night. Even though my house isn't far. Not all of us live here. Well, a lot of us do. But not Gabe and...others. Which lead to free rooms for everyone.

Gabe, like I said, is shameless. And he wasn't used to insane William but I could tell he didn't mind it. Best friend or something like that. Why do I keep referring to myself in third person? It's getting really annoying. "YES, LETS MEET RIGHT BY THE ELEVATORS AND GET TO IT!" He replied equally as loud, before rolling his eyes. "Aye, Bilvy. I actually just needed wardrobe approval."

I glanced at his outfit and gave him a thumbs up lazily, letting my head fall back with a groan. I'm getting pretty tired right about now. I wonder what Pete's chore was. Probably something stupid like dry clean his socks. Pete loves being a fuckhead sometimes. Gabe peered at me critically, "You okay kid? You look like you've been to hell and back." I don't like when he calls me kid.

And I don't like when he downplays his intelligence (he had a fucking 4.0 before he dropped out) and I don't like that he cheats on Bianca with just about everyone but me. What's so wrong with me? And I asked him that. Apparently I just talk a lot when I don't get much sleep.

He took it in a different sense, which I could only guess was for the best. "Well you look like you haven't slept in days... I thought you were wearing fucking eyeliner when I first glanced at you but it was the bags under your eyes." Hey! That's pretty cool. We should tell that trick to the emo kids and see if eyeliner sales go down. As he said that I let out a huge ass yawn, only proving him right.

"I'm just busy, that's all." I muttered lazily, checking the clock by habit. I have around ten minutes before it's time to skip off to the next task. "I don't think I look much different, to be quite honest. Just more...tired...er!"

He gave me a look and nodded to humor me. "Right. What do you need to do?"

I paused, deep in thought. "Well I have to practice with the band on the new song in like..." Glance at the clock, "Nine minutes for like...at the minimum an hour. And then it'll be like, nine am and then I have to go do press for the show tonight...you're gonna be there too, right?" I knew he was, so I didn't bother wait for a reply. The show had a bunch of different alternative bands playing for charity and Cobra was going with us to the talk show or...something. "And then after all that shit is finished it would be like, what? Eleven? So at eleven then we all need to go to the venue place--where ever the fucking show is-- and do sound check! We're the first one to do the sound check, I think. So you Cobra's get to hang around while we do that, fucking lucky assholes. Then we're going back to the bus and making sure we didn't leave anything whatsoever so they can clean it and pass it on over to Cute Is What We Aim For on their new tour. The show starts at two and so after the bus thing is over I'm going to go over to the FBR office because they wanted us for an after-tour meeting...something important, I DON'T KNOW! And then the show. And then...I don't know, maybe sleep. If nothing else comes up."

Gabe just stared at me. "Billiam, you're going to die." I just snorted and looked at the clock. "Let me guess? You wasted all your time explaining to me what you have to do?"

"Yes! And I have to factor in transportation to the practice space, so I'm going to be late and FUCK UP MY SCHEDULE!" With those wonderful words I stood up and eyed him carefully, "All you wanted was a wardrobe check?" That doesn't sound like Gabe. He stood as well and straightened his jacket.

"Well a hug and a kiss too! And you have to promise to watch Gossip Girl with me after you sleep." I didn't bother to hide the roll of my eyes as I hugged him tightly, giving him a kiss on the cheek quickly.

"I'll make you tell me the real task later. See you in an hour and five minutes, Gabanti!"

35 hours (and five minutes) with no rest.

"The Academy Is... Cobra Starship, on in five." I sat in the chair as they did the make up for the show, I was the last one because I kept putting it off so I could try to fix my headphones. I ended up just shoving them to Nate and asking him to try. Him and MGC are fighting over if it's possible or not in the other room. Adding to the list: Must buy new headphones. They'll probably break them worse by trying to fix them.

Gabe was sitting besides me holding my hand, like the good best friend he is, as I pretty much dozed off in the make up chair for all of one whole minute. So I take it back, 35 hours and FOUR minutes with no rest. Wow, I feel oh-so-refreshed! Gabe ask something in my direction that I didn't catch, so I raised my eyebrows curiously.

"I asked if you slept yet..." He knew I didn't, he just likes asking shit.

"If I slept already, would I be falling asleep in the make up chair?" She finished fast because all guys usually need is powder or whatever. I looked in the mirror and didn't really see the difference, but I guess on camera you'll be able to. "Gabe?" I asked quietly after I moved to take a seat on the couch in the room. It was only going to be Ryland, Gabe, Sisky and myself on the stage because it would be like a circus with all of us. In fact, I'm fairly sure while we're on camera the others are going to leave for...I don't know.

He turned his attention to me (he had been watching the music videos playing) and smiled. "Yep?"

I sighed and rested my face on his shoulder, "I haven't slept."

This got an amused chuckle out of him. "I couldn't tell."

I let out an annoyed whine noise and I didn't even know I could do, "But even on tour I didn't sleep well. And I don't want your voice to be all fucked up."

"You really jump from topic to topic when you aren't really thinking. Why didn't you sleep on tour?" He asked and I barely noticed as he pushed hair away from my eyes. Barely.

"I already TOLD you! Your voice..." Yawn. "...it's too beautiful to be fucked up for life." This all came out as a mumble and silence followed it. I wonder if this considers making his speechless. My contacts still hurt.

"You lost sleep over my voice?" He asked with disbelief written all in his tone. I immediately felt bad that I had mentioned it. It isn't his fault about his voice... I just like it.

"No! ...yeah. Sometimes when I can't sleep I put on Cobra Starship...but y'know what? Those songs are getting old and I want new ones, and I want to watch the new ones LIVE but I don't wanna fuck up your voice because maybe if you don't fuck up your voice you can start singing me to sleep and maybe I'll sleep then."

"Cobra, The Academy, you're up." Someone who works backstage spoke. "Follow me." I'd almost forgotten Sisky and Ryland were in the room, but they were; they busied themselves by very silently playing the Wii. It's weird when THOSE TWO are silent. Gabe helped me up and sort of made it so I had all my body weight on him. That's nice. The four of us followed the short girl. "So go out through there when they announce you."

"Obviously." I said in a tone that I usually don't use with anyone but family and friends....and I only use it on them when I'm REALLY annoyed. Oh man, the lack of sleep with making me a bitch.

The others exchanged glances, "He's having a bad day." Ryland told her after a while and the girl only glared in return and waited for the confirmation that we could go. Someone's a moody camper! Other than me.

The interview went well, I guess. I kept leaning on Gabe and when they asked me a question I answered without an attitude and I tried to keep my voice pretty stable so it didn't sound like I'd been drinking or something. I need a mountain dew.

Why do I need to go to that meeting thing? I don't want to. I want to sleep. The interview finished quickly and we were running late for sound check so we were rushed out of the building hella fast and could only get a couple fan pictures in. Most of them commented how shitfaced I look, but whatever.

40 hours; no sleep.

I'm locked in a room at the FBR offices to get yelled at. We were performing and I forgot the words, started swearing about that and ended up on my knee's on stage, crying. I'm not sure why I was crying, but I was. Maybe I was overwhelmed. Wouldn't be surprised. Patrick ran on stage and helped me up while Ryland decided to distract people with Guy Ripley.

Pete told me to get sleep, and that no one was mad but everyone was worried. This sounds stupid to me, I don't think there is much to worry about. I just need sleep, that's all. So I guess I sort of agree with him. He proceeded to tell me that they didn't really trust me to drive, so he asked Travis McCoy to do it for me.

Trav spent the whole time home singing along to the radio, but I didn't really care all that much. I just stared at my shoes. We ended up stopping at Target to get me headphones.

When I was finally at home and alone I let myself go and lay in bed. But after five minutes of laying in bed I realized I wouldn't be able to sleep.

"FUCKING RIDICULOUS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, throwing the pillow that was previously under my head full throttle at the door. I just want to sleep, why is that so hard to ask? My body needed it and fuck's knows my mind needed it. I picked up my phone and pressed one on speed dial. Gabe picked up soon, and it was noisy in the background. I take it he was still at the event. I let out a low whimper, "Gabe, will you come over?"

He arrived ten minutes later, letting himself in easily. I forgot to lock the door. Oh. He picked up the pillow from the floor and walked over to my bed with a somber face. "Why aren't you asleep?" He questioned softly, "Lift your head." I did as I was told and let him place the pillow back under my head.

"I tried to go to sleep Gabe, I promise, but I can't do it!" This came out with tears that I didn't know were coming and I'm surprised at myself.

He decided to lay next to me, and it made me smile. "Well is there something bothering you?" He kind of sounds like a dad when he asks that.

"No! Yes... I don't know, I just want to SLEEP. What's wrong with sleep? Nothing. Nothing is wrong with sleep. I enjoy sleep and stuff."

"I know you do, because you aren't an alien."

I nodded to his agreement and let out a sigh as I wrapped my arms around his midsection. "Gabe, you were there when I took out my contacts, correct?"

He gave me an odd look, "Correct, why?"

"Just making sure I didn't forget. You smell good. I don't want to watch Gossip Girl."

"Are you getting sleepy?" He whispered, trying to glance at me without moving too much. I had my eyes closed.

I didn't reply his question, "You smell good."

"You do too. You shower lately?"

"Being clean is more important than sleep." He didn't reply, which was fine with me because I was slowly drifting out of consciousness and couldn't really hold a conversation. Gabe was like a sleeping pill. "Why don't you love me?" I mumbled and before I could regret it, or get an answer, I fell asleep. And that's that.

Fully rested.

If there is one thing I can count on, its that if I fall asleep around Gabe he'll be there the next morning. I'm not sure if it's like that for everyone else, but it's one of the things I love about him. When I woke up with the sun surrounding (and blinding) me, Gabe was laying in bed besides me with his eyes focused on the television. I followed his gaze and couldn't stop the smile from my lips when I realized it was Gossip Girl.

I don't really like the show, but I can't help but find it adorable that Gabe loves it so much. I think he just tries to find ways to make me and every other human fall in love with him.

I would regret last night, but to be honest Gabe and I talk like that sometimes when we're drunk. Only I was completely sober. But the point is, is I don't think he minds. If he does he didn't show it when he smiled brightly at me and casually draped an arm over my shoulders.

I responded by wrapped my arm around his midsection again. We both watched the TV in a comfortable silence.

"I do love you." He said this when one episode ended and neither of us moved to go replace the disk with the next episode. "I'm in love with you."

I smiled, biting my lower lip and I can imagine that I blushed bright red. "Good, because I spend way too much time worrying about unrequited love."

"But you know I can't leave Bianca, she needs me." And this is true, that girl is a lot more fucked up than she seems on the outside. "With everyone else it's just a casual fuck, but you're...you, Bilvy."

I decided not to reply directly because I hadn't expected any more from this situation. He isn't lying when he says Bianca needs him, she really does and I understand. It sucks, but I understand. "Will you start singing to me to sleep?"

Gabe smiled down at me and nodded softly, tracing some pattern on my hip.

"Hey, did I really cry on stage?" The silence was enough of an answer, "Fuck my life, as if I didn't look like a pansy enough."