If I Hate You, How Is It That I Love You?

Upon my arrival at the lobby, I paused when I stepped out of the elevator and looked around at the dimly lit lobby. I saw somebody sitting by the fire they had still burning. The broad shoulders looked familiar, but I wasn't sure. I quietly started walking over. If it was Matt, he probably fell asleep. We did have a long day and we were both tired when we had returned.

"I'm awake," Matt said softly. I jumped, startled by his voice. "I don't want to talk to you," he added.

"Matt-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Oh, I'm not 'Sanders' anymore?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"Matt, I didn't mean what I said the way you thought I meant it."

"Oh yeah? You sounded pretty disgusted."

"No. I wasn't. I- I was just shocked. How do you expect me not to be shocked after I figure out that you're the guy I had my first kiss with? And you never know. Maybe if you had told me who you were, I wouldn't have treated you like I always do." I moved over to be in front of Matt as I spoke. He looked up at me disbelievingly.

"Do you mean that?" I nodded. "Wait. What about what you said? About having to live with an ass?" I looked down at the floor, studying my penguin slippers. "Katie?"

"I didn't mean that." I still didn't look at him.

"Why?" I shrugged.

"I don't know." He stood up and put a hand under my chin to make me look at him. Who would've thought a hand as big as Matt's could be so gentle. Or that anyone as big as Matt could be gentle. This baffles me. I'll stop thinking now. While I was busy thinking and not thinking, I didn't notice Matt's face coming closer to mine. When I focused on Matt again, I could feel his hot breath on my lips. And before I knew it, we were kissing. And that kissing turned to making out. In my short existence I've known as life, I've never made out with someone. Sure I've had boyfriends, but I never actually kissed them. Why? I do not know. Then I felt Matt growing hard. Yes, I know what that means and is. I'm not that retarded. Reluctantly, I pulled away.

"What? Is something wrong?" Matt asked me.

"It's just... that I don't want things to go too far. We're not even in a relationship! And we're kissing! Holy shit! Holy crap! Flying fuck! What am I doing? I'm not some whore who makes out with random guys! Oh God, oh God, oh God!" I got up and started pacing around.

"Katie!" I froze when I heard Matt yell my name. "Calm the fuck down! You're not a whore! And flying fuck? Who randomly yells out flying fuck?" I stared at him, trying to stifle a laugh. "What now?" he asked, exasperated.

"You said flying fuck," I giggled.

"Oh ha, ha, Katie." I laughed.

"I'm going back up to our room. Coming?"

"Yeah." We walked to the elevator together.

"STOP THAT ELEVATOR!" we heard someone yell. Matt groaned. Brian and Jimmy ran into the elevator, grinning triumphantly.

"We saw something veeerrry interesting," said Brian.

"Something veeerrry interesting," Jimmy echoed.

"Fuck off, guys," Matt muttered. They continued grinning. Jimmy turned to me.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, leaning away because he was really creeping me out.

"You kissed Matt," he simply said.

"So you look at me like some psychopath?"

"Ignore Jimmy. Mental issues," Brian whispered. I let out a giggle. We arrived at mine, Matt's, and Jimmy's floor. Once in our room, I fell onto my bed, exhausted.

"Night, Matt," I yawned.

"Night, Katie."